Are second hand invitations acceptable?

Question

I planned a family outing and invited my in-laws, because they expressed interest. My mother-in-law asked if I could invite my brother-in-law because she thought they would enjoy it too. They are annoying, but fine, I invited them too. They accepted the invitation and I ordered tickets. Then, I got a message that the brother-in-law forwarded my invite to their friends and now several other families will be joining us, along with their in-laws and such. I was informed with a "I hope you don't mind" kind of thing.

This is an organized event that anyone can go to (at a park), but all of a sudden my group of 6 has turned into a huge group with many people that I don't even know. And it's likely the brother-in-law is going to try and keep everyone as a group and such. I don't want all the chaos of a huge group, just a family outing.

My first question is, is this rude, or am I over reacting?

My second question is, would you accept a second or third hand invitation to someone else's family's outing?

Answer 1

First you are not over reacting I would be pissed off if someone did that to me. I think it is rude that he got invited and decided to invite other people without asking you. I would never accept a second or third hand invitation unless I knew the people and called them and asked them if it is ok

Answer 2

your not over reacting, that was extremely rude of him.

its YOUR thing, your little family event. it was totally uncalled for that he did that.

and no i would never accept an invite to someones event unless it was from the person planning it inviting me.

thats just horrible : / im sorry.

Answer 3

Sounds like you a newly wed. Get used to this sort of thing. All families are annoying.  Just think positive and look at it as a time to meet new people and experience life.  Although it may not be easy. No your not over reacting, and I think it is rude.

Answer 4

This is rude.  Your in-laws should have asked you first if they could invite additional people.  

I would not accept a second or third hand invitation.

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do about it unless you are willing to be rude.  

Answer 5

Yikes.  By most people's definition, it's probably rude.  But it may be that your in-laws are "the more the merrier" kind of people and don't mean their imposition in an unkind way.

Now you need to do some damage control.  Let the in-laws know that you've got tickets for 6 people and are planning to have enough food and drink for 6.  Let them know that you're happy to see the others and spend time with the family (say this, whether or not it's true), but that they need to know that they are responsible for their own tickets, food, drinks, seating, etc.    

Answer 6

it IS rude and no you do not have to accept the 2nd of 3rd hand invites.

Answer 7

Yes it is a bit rude but it will probably still be a good day if you don't let his annoying behavior get the better of you.  Just take care of your family and if they are all a part of it then fine.  Don't feel like you have to be responsible for everyone just because you got the tickets.  Just have fun with YOUR family.  

Answer 8

You are not rude. Nor it this sort of activity rare. Families do it all the time, but I sure hope they don't expect to eat, cuz you have budgeted for six people not how ever many are invites of invites. Crazy business. Sounds like you have to tell your hubby bubby that HE has the responsibility of tending to these rude inlaws. 'nough said. good luck with this.

Answer 9

well, every summer my sisters friend has a big family reuniun/picnic. every year she invites us. id ont think its thqat beig a deal but i think she asks her parents if tthere is room so i guess its different. they  should have asked first.

Answer 10

In my opinion (im not an expert or anything), it is rude because he wasn't planning the event and imposed all his friends on you. It was irresponsible and inconsiderate of him to assume you would be ok with it. If you are uncomfortable with all those people, I would make an excuse and say you only bought enough so and so for this many people or just explain that you wanted something small and quiet.

Second, I wouldn't except a second hand invitation because you never know if you're making someone else uncomfortable or giving yourself a bad image. Its like asking yourself over to someone else's house. Its just not polite. I would just decline and say thanks so much for inviting me but I have to do this or that. Maybe next time.

Answer 11

Totally rude.  If I were you, say something came up and you have to cancel the outing.  Reschedule it, and DON'T invite him this time!    

Answer 12

This was rude. Bummer. Try and roll with it this time and then tell your BIL later that this isn't really your thing and you would like to keep it just family next time.

I have accepted a second hand invitation to an outing because my friend made it seem like it was no big deal and that they would be fine having me there. I lucked out and made a few new friends. I can see how the situation could have backfired, though.

Answer 13

You're brother in law is ignorant.. And no, I would never accept a second or third hand invite.. I would just assume that I would be in  the way. I'd make sure he knew that you were planning this a a small family outing and that HE could pick up any added expenses due to his inappropriate invitations