Are some men chivalrous out of obligation?

Question

Men, I appreciate you letting me walk in first, holding the door open, etc...but if you're gonna do this in a cold manner, it defeats the purpose...don't get me wrong, you don't have to be all cheery...

But why act chivalrous out of obligation? (Give reasons...don't say something like "maybe he was in a bad mood..." since some guys I see all the time acting like this.)

Do you feel you have to out of Man Law?

Answer 1

I have never had a man open the door for me, except my dad.  LoL.  It could be because I have never let one open a door for me.  LoL.  Not intentionally, but I am always there first.  LoL.  Dunno, never had this problem or seen it.

Answer 2

chivalry is in the upbringing, when at the tender age child has been exposed to and or shown this virtue then it will be in him when he grow up and in so doing it will be instinctive to him no matter what the situation or scenario he is exposed.

Answer 3

Perhaps some men are being chivalrous out of respect but don't want to be seen as hitting on you.

It is the same feeling anybody has to someone in need. Do you feel chivalrous to young children when they are in need? I suspect you do but would try to explain it as some of different type of human interaction.

Yes some men are less emotional in terms of human interactions or less expressive of emotions. Perhaps a little smile of appreciation on your part would prompt a return smile. People in general seem to be cold to each other especially people they don't know on a personal level.

Try smiling next time this happens to you with a little thank you and then report back with your response

Answer 4

For all you know, he may have been pissed off about something completely different. Nonetheless, I imagine it would make you both feel especially uncomfortable.

Answer 5

all of them

:D

OK, on the surface level, yes he could be in a bad mood.

On a deeper level, men learn to be chivalrous (which means it is not innate :D). We don't know why we should do these things; we're only told it is not appropriate to treat a lady like this, or we're being rude if we do this. While we cling to these teachings, the wave of feminism (and equality) comes and destroy all the sand castle, leaving us in confusion about what we should do, and what is pleasant to this woman is not to another.

if it were for me, i would just be my own self, act according to what i feel rather than to what people had imposed on me. Whether i be rude or gentle, it does not matter as long as i can incorporate it to my social life.

sorry this does not seem to be so romantic, but this is the opinion of one man.

p.s. I believe when we do chivalrous things, they have to be out of love (even human love, of free will), not out of cliche or obligations. just don't let him feel guilt if he hasn't been so, or it would be another sort of obligation.

Answer 6

It's a bit like the ''Have a nice day'' stuff I have had thrown at me in the States.  Or the 'Hi, how are we doing today.....' [NO Question Mark as it is NOT ''a Question'' ~ but a salutation.]

My response to the latter (under my breath) has been 'Pee off, don't be so nosey' ....it actually ''IRRITATES''.........

In it's origins, it may have been nice, well intended and ~ whatever, but it's a bit like the Automatic doors that open for you and then tell you out loud just how 'Wonderful it is to have been of Service to You' (as in the stories by Douglas Adams).

Great in theory, but oh my, not so great to hear it endlessly.

Similarly (I can easily imagine) with or to what you write about, 'Chivalry', where done 'cold' it can be upsetting, or if done or expressed 'with additional warmth', it could be ingratiatingly smug, cloying and ~ ugly!

I don't necessarily think that 'obligation' ~ to you or your gender ~ is a negative, although a negative of that could be a 'condescension', which does contain a large dose of its own uglyness.

And of course, FINALLY, there is always the danger of reading into or misreading what we witness and getting it totaly back to front!  ....although of course, that is such a 'tiny' improbability that it 'aint never gonna happen now', is it(?).

Sash.

Answer 7

I feel equal is equal, therefore I do not participate in any of this *chivalry* stuff. However I do hold the door for my mom and gramma since they did raise me. But no one else.

Answer 8

Chivalry no longer exists in this day and age. Whatever it is you're thinking of it is NOT 'chivalry'.

Chivalry was a military code binding the warlords (knights) in the mediaeval era. It was nothing particularly to do with respect or courtesy and it was nothing particularly to do with women. It was only to do with disciplining the 'serfs' (the men and women who were our ancestors).

(If you thought it was a "woman thing" then you've been watching too many Hollywood films.)

There is no such thing as "chivalry" but there are such things as courtesy and respect. Those are the things we need more of.

Answer 9

Lol, I saw a great example of this the other day. An older man was sitting in a crowded train carriage and he offered his seat to a (younger) standing woman. He didn't smile or anything though, just stood up and said 'Sit down, sit down'. Didn't even ask! And she smiled and said, 'It's ok, I'm fine standing'. She was talking to her friend at the time anyway. He got into a complete huff and said 'Fine, don't sit then'.! He obviously didn't want to give up his seat, just wanted to make some kind of silly point.

Answer 10

I'm with you, i want them to go through the door and then slam it real hard in my face. Yes that is the only way they get MY respect