Are some people just not maternal?

Question

My mom started to watch my three-month-old son for me, and could only handle it for a week before telling me he was a spoiled baby and that she never wanted to watch him again. She always seemed to resent me and my brother, yet she adopted my sister. Also, she hosts exchange students every year. What the heck is her deal? She seems to want to constantly have kids around but then ends up resenting them and hating the responsibility. And no, she does not work, she does nothing all day long except play Sims.

Answer 1

Wow, that's really sad. I'm so sorry for you and your son. 3 month old babies can't be spoiled so your mom is being extremely impatient. I think it would be best not to leave him with her if that's the way she feels. I've known women that sound so much like your mom. My friend from high school was adopted (along with her brother) and her mom never did anything for them without reminding them that she didn't really have to do it. She wanted them to have some undying gratitude if she made them lunch or did their laundry. Kids aren't supposed to feel that they owe you for giving them life (or choosing to adopt). I don't know....all I can say is that she's the one missing out on being a grandma and sounds like being a mom too.

Answer 2

yes there are people that complain no matter what you do. yes there are people that are not mothering types and they shouldn't' be around kids. you should be using someone else for this. she hosts stuff to complain and that is sad. shes just not a very happy person.

Answer 3

Some people really aren't maternal - but her problem sounds more like she's quitter and is lazy.

Answer 4

Wow, I think your mom needs professional help (and I am being serious).  It sounds as if she doesn't know whether she is coming or going.

As far as you and your brother go, do you know if you were both planned?  

Sometimes people have children for the wrong reasons, too.  Ask yourself, how was your up bringing?  Was she a real mom?

As for your adopted sister... I don't know if you are aware but, she was/is paid to care for her.  It also brings back more money on her taxes.

It seems as if your son would be better off staying with almost anyone else!  I am glad she told you early on!  The last thing you want is for your son to be mistreated and her anger of having the responsibility taken out on him.

Answer 5

I think some people have issues.  I read this book once about this lady, I can't remember what it was called, but she had some kind of mental condition, and it was a true story by the way, and she had 2 kids.  She treated one like gold.  Like it was her perfect child, and the other, she beat, and tortured.  I have an aunt who has a biological daughter who she never acknowledges her or her 5 kids, but her adopted son, she thinks he walks on water, and his son is like a saint to her.  Who knows why people are the way they are.  I think it's picking and choosing who they love.  That's wrong.  A mother's love should be unconditional to each child.  Maybe they didn't bond with them as a baby or something.

Answer 6

She sounds like a real ***** for saying that  babies cannot be spoiled especially at 3 months

I feel bad at what you must have went through as a child

Answer 7

She sounds in a way similar to my mum.

My mum tried for years and went through a few miscarriages to get pregnant and then had me, followed by my sister a few years later. So it wasn't like we were accidents. However as soon as we came along she turned to alcoholism because she couldn't cope with having babies around. She used to be violent to us as only toddlers, my dad didn't dare leave in case she got custody, all my childhood is filled with hateful memories of my mum's aggression and bitterness towards us for being alive. I think she resented us for diluting her 'couple time' with our dad, she always used to send us to our rooms as soon as he was home from work and we wouldn't be allowed out for the rest of the evening, and then my dad would come upstairs and spend time with us and that's when she'd hit the booze. 20 years to this day she's still an alcoholic, but she's no longer violent. I have a baby of my own now and I live with them still. She was overjoyed when I told her I was pregnant and couldn't wait to have a grandson. But reality is when he cries she walks out calling him a brat or telling me to shut 'that racket' up, and I've caught her shouting at him before. Now I keep her well away from my son unless she's in a nice mood and I'm with them in the room, and ironically I'm being criticised by HER parents for excluding her and not letting her have enough time with MY son.

Sorry for breaking out into a personal rant there lol!

But yeah, back to your question. I think she loves the idea of kids but hates the reality, and your mum sounds pretty similar!!