Are stay-at-home Dads "slumming" it?

Question

A recent question indicated that it's "not fair" that women have a choice whether to stay at home or work; that men don't have the same choice because of societal expectations...that a man who says at home is "slumming it."

Is an unwillingness to go against what others "expect" of you (particularly other men) a problem with outside origins, or a problem of your own making?

Feminism broke the status quo, ditched societal expectations and gave women choices. The result is a lot of hatred against feminism, as we see here on an hourly basis. But nonetheless, the choices remain.

Are men too afraid of personally taking the step to breaking societal expectations (i.e., seeking out high-earning women who would be willing to be the sole earner)? And if so, isn't it their problem and their responsibility to get over their fears and not blame women, feminism or any other outside force?

Answer 1

I was raised men are the head of the households.

Men provide for the family- women take care of the family.

When things worked like this and the boundaries were followed the divorce rate was so much less.  

Answer 2

Feminism took almost a century to take hold - so I think a little patience and understanding wouldn't be such a bad thing when discussing the changing of a male's role in society....

And frankly, with how so very many women/feminists have bad mouthed the experience of staying at home with children and feel they NEED to get out and work on themselves and their career - where is the incentive or inspiration for them to cash it all in to become SAHDs??

Answer 3

I actually did stay at home with my children while getting a college degree.  It was amazing how many folks told me they admired me, thought it was cool, that I was a trend setter, etc., etc.  I got tired of hearing it!

Great days, but incredibly busy days!

Answer 4

Most men probably wouldn't want to stay at home in any case, and I don't blame them. But by no means is it feminists who would oppose that decision. I've seen more opposition from men and non-feminist women than anyone.

Answer 5

"Too afraid"?  Men aren't supported in this venture. Would you be too afraid to go rock climbing without a cord?

That's ridiculous that you would suggest men are too afraid of breaking this societal expectation. Men just like all relevant people should make their own way and contribute.  The only reason women got away with this in the first place is because they birthed children, and we're physically/emotionally/mentally weaker and therefore less viable in the workforce regardless.

Belive me, men didn't support women's decision to 'stay at home' because they felt you we're equally as capable and they respected your decision as an alternate yet equally profitable route of contributing.  They only allowed this of women because they felt women were inferior.  Men wouldn't accept this from other men as a ''choice''.

Answer 6

I live in New England between New York and Boston, where most people are fairly rather middle of the row on most issues, and I have been a Stay At Home dad for almost 3 years and the biggest issue in terms SAHD face is acceptance from Stay at Home Moms. I can't tell you how many moms groups I have not been allowed in simply because I am a man. I am lucky that I did find a large parents group that does accept SAHD. However, they lose at least a couple of new members each month, because they allow men. It's ironic to me that the daughters and granddaughters of the woman who fought to break down the mens only mentality at work are now have a womans only mentality at home.

Answer 7

I think the fact that more and more men ARE making the choice to become SAHDs shows that the strict gender expectations are beginning to loosen a bit for men, as well. And it shows that, despite what that poster may think, it IS an option for men.

What kills me is that many of the anti-feminists will complain about women no longer "living up" to their traditional roles, while complaining that men can't opt for non-traditional roles, themselves.  

Answer 8

we're all out here looking for a rich lady. anybody giving you grief cause you are a stay at home dad is just jealous, they would if they could. at some level people work cause of pride or they care about thier career. Me i'm just trying to survive.  

Answer 9

The hardest job in the world is taking care of an infant (if done correctly).  If a man is willing and able to "switch" roles with his wife, all the power to him.  Personally, I wouldn't be able to for the long term.  After the kids are in school, there would be no point in him staying home (he can work and pay someone to clean the house).  

Answer 10

I have 2 examples, first hand:

My friend was a stay at home dad. His wife made double his salary at Ford (he was a draftsman at a small shop). It worked great for them for years. They both were glad of their decision.

I'm a stay at home dad (I was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy 6 years ago). I still walk okay but my company was laying off like crazy. I went on disability and get 95% of my take home pay until I'm 65. (Private insurance benefit not Soc Security). It was a financial decision and I'm glad I did it. My co-workers almost all got let go and I'm at home with my daughters in the summer.

Answer 11

Why do feminists always get their panties in a twist when men and women refuse to live the way that feminists want them to live?

Answer 12

A male friend of mine who stays home with his kids was told by his father he's not a "real" man. This father however, found it quite manly to fool around on his wife and neglect his children.

I think women should empower men to make their own choices just as women want to do themselves. Likely my husband will be a SAHD if I ever reproduce and we couldn't care less what other people think about that.

There certainly still is stigma, such as the poster talking about women marrying "down" for power. But I think a strong couple could stand up to the few mutterers and be happy knowing they're doing what's best for their family.

Answer 13

Hubby did that for a while...he got bored after six months or so.  He wanted something more then cleaning, and cooking.

I dont blame him, I hate it to!

Answer 14

Feminism did no such thing for starters. And your premise that men pressure other men to work makes no sense. Since we are referring to heterosexual relationships here, then it is expected from a man's family, particularly his wife, to contribute financially. Statistics support the notion that women prefer men who earn as much or more income than they do since women are least likely to marry as their income increases.

Answer 15

My best friend is a stay at home dad. I choose to work outside of the home myself. I think to each his own, and who cares what someone else thinks.  

Answer 16

Going against society is always hard at first. I think men have just gotten so used to having everyone applaud everything they do that they don't like to idea of having to make sacrifices to get what they want.

Answer 17

They are either afraid to take that step, or just don't want to. If they don't want to, then they are just using it as an excuse to gripe about women working outside the home. If they are actually afraid to take that step, then that proves that feminists have more guts than they do, because they DID have the fortitude to step outside of societies narrow minded expectations.

Answer 18

"Feminism broke the status quo, ditched societal expectations and gave women choices. The result is a lot of hatred against feminism, as we see here on an hourly basis. But nonetheless, the choices remain."

Feminism has redefined the status quo and societal expectations for women. I'm sorry that people don't roll over and agree 100% with every ideology that is hip.

"Are men too afraid of personally taking the step to breaking societal expectations (i.e., seeking out high-earning women who would be willing to be the sole earner)? And if so, isn't it their problem and their responsibility to get over their fears and not blame women, feminism or any other outside force?"

Many of these women seem to have a desire to master and not contribute to their field or relationships.Love can't exist in a relationship were an individual is on a quest to have power over everything. When men in their own class rejects them it speaks volumes on the character of these women.

I know it is easier to blame men for being "afraid" to marry high earning women than it is to look at the personality of high earning women. If they search for men below them on the social ladder, it is a quest to use their power over a "weaker" being.

The difference between a man marrying up and a woman marrying up is that women want the most secure environment for her children. A man marries up for either a replica mother figure to take care of them or to use the woman as a means to fulfill his own desires.

Answer 19

Stay at home dads are just as hard working and dedicated as women in offices and at lockheed to name one company.

Answer 20

well, if you have a family with a child, the bible says that when the fall of man came (Adam and Eve sinned and ate the forbidden fruit)  They were both cursed.  Adams curse was that he would have to work the grounds to provide for his family, and Eve's curse was that she would go through much pain childbearing.  So if your wife works and bears children, you are really putting two curses on her and yes, slumming it for yourself.  If you are a family man, you need to get out there and help your family.  If you are single and no children, sure do what you want, but to put your job on a woman is not showing much respect for your family.  

Your choice in the end.

Answer 21

If he can take care of the house and she can make more money then stay at home. If he is lazy, tell him to get off his *** and get a job.

Answer 22

I think society plays a huge role.

I think for a man to stay home:

The woman must be making sufficient money.

The woman must trust the man enough.

The woman must let go of the control of the day to day little things (this is hard).

The man must be secure in himself.

The man must be motivated to want the best things for his family and not just base what is right for them on the traditionalist view of society.

There must be good communication between the two.

My husband said that if I ever found a job that paid better than his, he'd happily stay home and run the house. Hasn't happened yet.  

Answer 23

I think men need liberating, they need to stop conforming to what society expects of 'bring a man' and do what they wantr.

Answer 24

come to vermont its already happening

Answer 25

Super Ruper:

"Feminism took almost a century to take hold - so I think a little patience and understanding wouldn't be such a bad thing when discussing the changing of a male's role in society"

Like the patience and understanding WE got when we wanted to change our roles?  Please.

"And frankly, with how so very many women/feminists have bad mouthed the experience of staying at home with children and feel they NEED to get out and work on themselves and their career - where is the incentive or inspiration for them to cash it all in to become SAHDs??"

I dunno...maybe the incentive could be your children?? Who cares about society?  If the situation arises where a man wants to stay home and take care of his kids while his wife works, it should be a personal choice, not because society dictates this or that.