Are step-families effective or is it better to stay with the one u originally had kids with?

Question

do step families have a high rate of success...why or why not

Answer 1

Well, seeing is my son's father was s******g everything on two legs that had three holes, I'd say I was better off leaving the mthrfker.....

Answer 2

It all depends on who you pick as a step parent for your children.  There are many step families out there who work horribly together and just end in a nasty divorce, hurting the children all over again.  However, there are also many step families who work wonderfully together, and it's almost like they're natural blood families.

I happen to be a step parent to a wonderful 8 year old boy.  He lives with me and his father full time, and sees his mother for a few hours each weekend without sleeping over.  He calls me by my first name, however refers to me as his "mom" or "parent" when talking to others.  We have a very close relationship, and I have an equal share in raising him and making decisions based on him -- that's how we chose to run our family.  It works out great.  

You just need to make sure that the person you're marrying has the same values in child rearing that you do.  "My kids, your kids" doesn't really work -- they ALL need to be BOTH your children.  We don't consider my step son to be HIS kid, or my STEPkid, he's my kid too. :)  

Good luck!

Answer 3

Rasing someone elses kids pretty much sucks. You will never be a full parent. Step kids will resent someone other than a parent telling them what to do. The ex will always be up your butts too.

Answer 4

it really depends on how the "step parent" feels about the children.  In my case, I was a single mom with one child.  My Son's father has been in the picture and he treasures him no matter what he does to fail him.  My husband and I have been married for 4 years and together for 9.  When we decided to get married he made it clear to my son that even though he would be his step father he still felt as he is his own.  My husband has been there for everything even if his father fails him.  He never speaks badly of his father and is even civil with his father even though he feels my ex has failed my son.  He does not cross any lines with my son but is only there for him.  He loves my son as he loves his own son who is now two.  It really depends on how understanding and involved the step parent is.  

Answer 5

blended families are hard work but they do work.  remember the children here are the ones faced with a bunch of challenges.  on one spectrum how the new step parent is going to be and the other spectrum on how the other children will be.  will they get along or is there resentment.  all of this is part of the process.  also these kids do test how far can they push their boundary.  now with all that if the parents are on the same page and have a united front thing work out.  it is not  a walk in park.  just remember the feelings of the kids and communicate.  

Answer 6

I dont know if this question is fair. Depends on who you pick as the parenting partner.

Whether its the original person you had kids with or someone new, what they are all about will decide. You could end up picking poorly both times.

Step families can and do work. Parents need to be on the same page and demanding respect from their kids. Loving all the same and all the time.

If you have this, it can work.

You dont have to be biologically related to love hard and true as a family.  

Answer 7

As a step mom, I can say that I think the original family should stay intact. It is so hard being a step parent. It's really hard on the kids but it seems the kids make out like bandits in terms of material things but they lack love and attention. They also lack stability.

I am against step families, especially after being in one. It's not going horribly but it is very difficult and financially stressful. I like having a roof over my head. Ok. Call me crazy but I think that should come first.

Answer 8

Yes. Step families can be very effective at raising emotionally healthy children depending on the individuals involved, their own upbringing, perspective on healthy family life, extended family, etc.

But no family situation, aside from the extremely abusive and unhealthy, can be as good and nurturing for children as their own nuclear family.        

Answer 9

Step families are not effective.  For one, the divorce rate is even higher than first marriages.  The studies also show that these children are the ones that are more likely to deal with depression, eating disorders and anxiety.  It is the best to stay with original family or not re-marry at all until the children are 18.

Answer 10

That is all dependent on the individuals involved and how much effort they are willing to put into making them effective.  Never stay with someone only "for the kids".

Answer 11

There is no answer that will be a catch-all that is applicable across the board.  In general, statistically speaking, there is a very low success rate for second marriages - but this is because not only do you have to learn to live with each other, you have to learn to live with each other's baggage, as well.

In my opinion, both kinds of families can be beneficial and both can be to the detriment of the child.  If two parents stay together just for the child, then that child grows up with fighting parents and later feelings of guilt for being the reason (in their mind) that their parents stayed miserable for so long.  Likewise, if they are in a blended family where the adults are always at each others throats, they will also struggle growing up.

Short and sweet answer - look before you leap.  When you get married, make darn sure that it is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with - no matter what kind of family that marriage makes.

Answer 12

I feel my 3 kids by my previous marriage are very blessed to have the step-parents they have. My husband has been a wonderful step-dad to them, ( We married 10 years ago ) and my ex-husband's current wife has been a wonderful step-mom. I have never felt threatened by her, or had any hard feelings towards her. All I know is she has been in my kids lives for 11 years and she treats them as if they were her own. She is a sweet, sweet girl and I'm thankful my kids are lucky enough to have not just two, but four parents that love them so much. ( My currant husband and I have also had 4 kids together. )

Yes, step-families can work. All the adults involved have to make the effort and work to make sure the children are feeling secure and understood. It's an adjustment for everyone, but it can work. I feel we have managed to raise well adjusted, caring children because we have adults put the kids first.