Are the phrases the "mother of my child" or "your mother" PC .......?

Question

when an adoptive parents are speaking about the a-child's mother? If not, why?

I'm asking because any other term just seems a bit cold or distant.

Answer 1

Baby girl: your mama

Family/ friends: baby girl's mama

Online: my daughter's mama or first mom

Answer 2

I have been on this site for several months reading the questions and answers.  Just recently I have answered a few myself.  I know this will not be a popular answer but it is my choice and what I feel best fits.  I call her my Birth Person.  I do not feel she was my mother because she did not do any of the motherly things.  I also do not call my parents my adopted parents, I think that is rude.  

Growing up she was referred to as my birth mom or biological mom and I went along with that system.  In college my roomate called her mom by her first name.  When I asked her why she did this she said they had a horrible relationship and that she did not respect or like her mother and she did not earn the right to be called mom/mother.  She said when she was about 15 she started calling her by her first name, whenever we had conversations she would call her my Birth Person.  I know cold and harsh, but that was her biological mother, her own flesh and blood and she knew that to be a mother it had to be earned.  

I never felt comfortable calling my Birth Mom that, so when talking to my friends and stuff I now call her my Birth Person.  When I am around my parents and even during my reunion I referred to her as my birth mom so I do not hurt anyone's feelings.

Answer 3

To my children she is "mum-shelly"

To the adults I speak to she is birth mom or the kids mom or family of origin.

To her, when i send her letters of update, I refer to the kids as her kids or our kids. Never just my kids. They are part of both of families now forever.

Answer 4

when he's old enough to understand (he's 11 months now) I think we're just going to refer to them by their first names; he'll probably meet his birth mom when she gets out of jail.

Answer 5

I would use the term 'biological mother'.  Once you adopt a child they are yours, not the biological parents.

Answer 6

do a child that was adopted young (or even one that was adopted later), the adoptive parent IS that parent. children can be confused by phrases such as "your mother" because it causes it to seem like the parent is not their "true" parent.

when we have children placed with us, it will probably be the "biological mom/dad" and the "forever mom/dad".

when some children become older, depending on the reason they were placed for adoption and their emotions towards it, may call their biological parents by their names and not by "mom" or "dad".

or, they may just not want to talk about it...

Answer 7

Our children's biological parents are not in their lives, by their choice.  So, to refer to them as "mother/father of my child", or "your mother/father" would not be fitting for us.  If they were a part of lives at all, even just letters or pictures, that would probably be different.  

As it stands right now, we refer to them as "their biological mother/father" or "your biological mother/father"  Anything less respectful than that is not acceptable to me.  But, anything warmer than that just doesn't make sense at this point.

I can already hear the booing and hissing.  Just don't throw tomatoes, allergies and all.

Answer 8

I use "his mom" I never had a bad reaction and people know just who I'm talking about. I'm not so sure if my husband used that, because he could be talking about either of us, unless I'm there.

Answer 9

We call her by name. Only occasionally is a qualifier needed, like when discussing her for the first time with people and they ask "Oh who's B?", and then I use first mom.

Answer 10

My daughter has two mothers before me (a mother she was born to and a foster mother who raised her (and I'm sure loved her) for the critical first year), so "your mother" or "Chinese mother" are a little too ambiguous (at least for now, she's just 4). I usually use First Mother and either Second Mother or Foster Mother. Of course this is usually as part of a longer conversation, so I might say "your mommy" after it was clear who I was talking about.

When talking to other people I usually say First Mother or maybe Mommy in China or Chinese Mother -- the foster mother often doesn't need to be brought into general conversation, but she is VERY important to my daughter (moreso than her First Mother at this stage).

ETA: For some reason "Mother of my child" just reminds me of that horrid Geritol commercial from years ago: "My wife, I think I'll keep her." And if an adoptive father said it, it would be ambiguous if not downright misleading.

To answer your direct question, though, I don't think of either of those term as PC or not, just possibly a little more confusing than some other terms.

Answer 11

I have used "your mother" or, more often, "your other mother" when speaking with my children, because I don't think there's much confusion if it's obvious that I'm not speaking about myself.

I would probably use a qualifier (like "biological," "original," or "Russian" mother) if I was talking to someone other than my child -- just to avoid confusion -- but that doesn't happen too often.

Answer 12

In the 70s, my amother called my mother, "the woman who gave birth to you".

Anything's got to be better than that.