Are there any WOMEN on this panel that are EMPATHS or INSIGHTFUL, if so answer this for 10 points ?

Question

Since this section has mostly women. Then please see if you can

see into this situation. My friend is in a bad predicament. She is involved in an abusive relationship. She met a guy, and he moved in

after only 30 days. Things got worse. He started checking her emails,

and cell phone messages, too. She became depressed, and started

smoking again. Then he got into an altercation with her one night. After

she called me, she sent me an email saying she could not talk to me

anymore. This was on June 25th. I have not heard from her since.

She is trapped, and is living in a state of turmoil. I called the cops, but

she did not get help. So now what. What is she feeling right now this

very minute, about her situation ? What is going on in her mind ?

Answer 1

having taught domestic violence dynamics to victims for nine years, I'd say this could be a classic situation.  As he works to isolate her from family and friends, he works to undermine her self-esteem until she begins to question her own motives, worthiness, abilities, goals, etc.  Unfortunately, no one can do anything about this except her.  If she ever reaches out to you, tell her to get her important papers and some money into a safe place; make arrangements with either a friend or a shelter and get the h**l out of there because typically his behaviors will escalate which in some cases, lead to homicide.  If she gets into a shelter, she'll get guidance as to the next steps.

Answer 2

New question this ones getting old.  

Answer 3

As hard as it might be to hear you cannot help this woman.  She is most probably living exactly the life she wants.  She thrives on the emotional upheaval of her life much as a drug addict thrives on their drugs.

If a person genuinely wants help it generally doesn't take very long to help them.  You said it yourself - she did not get any help.  This is her choice.

The only thing you get to decide is whether or not you continue to allow her to include you in this life she is choosing for herself.

Answer 4

I am a survivor of domestic violence, and it isn't easy to explain what your friend is going through.  These relationships often start with emotional/psychological abuse.   He is isolating her from her friends so she will have no one to turn to but him.  

It is scary, but your friend may not even realize she is in an abusive relationship (I didn't realize until I was out of the relationship and in college).  Right now she is having a hard time understanding his behavior.  He probably began by telling her how wonderful she is, etc, and now she can't understand what is wrong with her.  Why does he suddenly get so angry when he used to be so perfect? It must be something she is doing wrong.  She should of done this or that.  After he gets angry, he willl come to her and apologize.  Tell her how wonderful she is, how much he loves her, and it won't happen again.  Things will be great for awhile until it happens again and the cycle starts over.  Her emotions will make no sense to someone outside the relationship; in her eyes there is something wrong with her.

There isn't much you can do, but be there when she needs you.  You can let her know that no matter what you will always be there for her when she needs you (whether it is in a month or years).  Don't push her to leave him because it will drive her further from you, but don't abandon her...that will just drive her even more into his control.  You may not hear from her for several months, but if you do don't be defensive or angry.   Remember women in these relationship usually end up leaving several times before making the final break.  Her thinking process isn't rational right now, he has seen to that.    

Answer 5

After being in an abusive marriage for years i can only tell you what went through my mind and why people stay with abusive partners.

I was scared, you want to leave but you don't know where to go.

You feel like you are doing wrong and you will always think that the next time they are abusive it will be the last time and everything will be ok, but it never does and it never will.

You need to be there for your friend even if you don't hear from her in months, she will need you sooner or later.

she needs to find that little bit of fight in her to make her realises that she doesn't need this man in her life and that she can do better.

The main thing i felt was that it was my fault every-time he hit me and that if i was a better person/wife/mother things would be different and we would be the perfect happy couple.

Don't contact her because this could make her situation worse.

I wish you and her a lot of luck and that she will come out the other side of this soon.

Answer 6

Uh, there are no people anywhere who are empaths.

If you wanted to understand the psychology of victims of domestic violence, some judicious searching would probably yield results.

Yes, she probably feels trapped.

The process involved was (after being "sweet" and "loving"), was to make her feel like a worthless sack of doo-doo, and isolating her from others is also a part -- so she gets no "reality check" and to cut off her options.

Oh,and all "punishments" are HER fault, for making him angry.

Answer 7

Well if what you say is accurate and the whole story as you know it; I would say it sounds like she is in trouble.  The important question is she a strong women as you know her?  If so it may take a little time but she will leave him.  You may have to bide your time.  However if her history shows that she is weak and has a past filled with abuse she may need help.  Abusers are good at showing you all there best until the day they find out you are not really an extension of them and you have your own thoughts.  So she may have feelings of love but those will die every time he hurts her till there is nothing left.  

Do you know any of her family or friends?  You may want to talk to them.