Are there any pro adopt adoptees here?

Question

Do any adoptees here speak of the joys of adoption and the magical blessing of being placed in a good, moral home?

Answer 1

what planet are you from?

i do not feel that not having a medical history or birth certificate is a very magical thing.

oh- not to mention- missing the woman who carried me.

Answer 2

Do you mean to suggest that my first parents were not good and moral?  

Unless an adoptee knows where he or she came from, how should they know if they went into a "better" situation?  

I love my adoptive parents.  I did not have a "bad" experience.

I don't like adoption.  

Children don't come with labels telling you which ones are going to be "good, happy adoptees" and which ones won't.

Answer 3

Yes!  I was adopted and am ridiculously happy about it.  I wouldn't have it any other way and I am grateful to my adoptive parents and my biological mother for doing something so selfless.  Being adopted feels like you were the gift your parents had been waiting for all their lives.  It's a magnificent feeling to know that someone wanted you and had been waiting for you and that you were a missing piece to their puzzle.  Indescribable.  I beleive if you can adopt and it's in your heart, you should do it.

Answer 4

There is no guarantee of a "good, moral home" in adoption.  Despite the existence of many good adoptive parents, some adopted children, like biological children, are sometimes abused and even killed at the hand of their parents.  Adoptive parents are human.  Just like biological parents, there are good ones, adequate one and some really lousy ones.  The assumption that they are all good does a grave injustice to those who've suffered from abuse in their adoptive homes, and makes it that much harder to these children to come forward when necessary.  Although I love my adoptive family and was particularly close with my adoptive mom (who is now deceased,) I would never deny the reality for those who've been terribly hurt by people who turned out to be anything but "good" and "moral."

Further, this assumes that first families are somehow "bad" and "immoral."  Mine is neither.  I didn't spring from the loins of "bad stock."

There is one constant in adoption.  It requires loss in order for it to occur.  Adopted people are expected by some to deny this loss, or at least not be bothered by it.  

In 44 states, adopted citizens are treated unequally under the law with regard to accessing their own birth certificates.  Unequal treatment under the law is discrimination by the state that seals and holds these records, based solely on a person's status as "adopted."  This is certainly not part of a "magical blessing."  It's discrimination.

Please understand that there is much more to adoption that a child becoming a family member of a family other than his or her original, biological family.  That is only part of it.  There are laws and practices that hurt every member of the "triad."  

Adoption is supposed to be about finding homes for children who have no family.  It has morphed into a profitable industry that finds it acceptable to use coercion against first families, to deny biological father's due process and to deny adopted adult citizens equality under the law.

Answer 5

I'm pro-adoption!

I was adopted by my Dad when I was 2. I am so grateful that he was able to accept me in to his family.

I also have twin cousins from Russia who were adopted. After seeing pictures of the conditions of the orphanage that they lived in... It is just a miracle that they are healthy.

Answer 6

I am glad for the ones that had a good experience.

But I do take offense in the automatic assumption all adopted families are loving found in most media outlets that write about adoption. Many adoptive families are fine, but many are not. In that sense for adoptees its very much a lottery. Being placed in a good family shouldn't be a magical blessing, it should be standard procedure; the least you can do for a child that already lost its natural family.

Many adoptees that are not pro adoption do so because of the adoption system, the coercive practices that take place, the demand driven industry, the fact many adoptions were unnecessary, the sealed record practices, the immigrant status of international adoptees, with the risk of deportation.

That in and of itself is unrelated to personal experiences with adoption. There are even many adoptive parents that take offense in the system as it is.

I don't see adoption as a joy, it comes with loss and is at best the lesser of two evils.

Answer 7

Being raised by good people,

becoming an athlete

having a safe home...

none of that comes from adoption. That is ALL possible without adoption. And the AP's didn't have to change your name, nor did the states have to seal your records, nor did you have to have a price on your skin and body in order for the above to be possible.

Adoption is getting waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more credit than it deserves here.

WAY MORE.

Adoption happens after loss, only after loss, and brings with it more loss, and a child shouldn't have to endure that loss to FEEL love from parents. Should parents we're born to not take good care of us, we can be cared for, honorably, by others without having to endure the losses that are tied to adoption.

Adoption is an industry built on trafficking children and selling them to families willing to pay a price. With the amount paid to that price, many more children could be helped without "adoption", but then the dreams of being called mommy and daddy wouldn't come true nor would the nurseries, already made, be filled.

I look at it this way, safe loving homes, athletes and "good wonderful things" happen to the non adopted. Who gets the credit then? The people worthy of the credit. So why, when a child or person has been adopted, and these good things happen to them, does "adoption" get the credit.

Answer 8

I am one.   I am very thankful that my adopted parents adopted me. Actually I was so happy with my adoption experience, that my hubby and I decided to adopt 2 children ourselves.

Answer 9

My husband was adopted at birth. He loves his adoptive parents. He still has not met his real parents and does not care to because as far as he is concerned his adoptive parents are his real ones bc they raised him.  He would not change a thing if he could. I dont think it matters too much as long as they are in a loving family.

Answer 10

i was adopted the day i was born. i consider my aps, my real parents. sure, my adoptive mom didnt give birth to me, but she did everything else. and girl can give birth, but it takes a special person to be a mom. but it is kinda hard being adopted, ive lately been having an identity crisis, about knowing my biological mom and etc. but my adoptive mom she told me that i didnt have to find my biological mom, to figure out who i was, because i am a different person than her. and that i am unique, and that i get to choose who i want to be!

Answer 11

Sorry to disappoint the anti-adoption crowd but I am another happy adoptee.  I know that my life is better than it would have been if I were not adopted.  I have had many opportunities that I would not have had if I had stayed with my biological parents.  I don't have any regrets.

I'm trying to figure out why people who say they are happy to be adopted get thumbs down.  Must be jealousy, or something.  

Answer 12

Yes there are a few defiantly not the majority on here.  I can see that there are good and bad things about being adopted about the adoption system. That said I also realize I was much better off being adopted then staying with my natural “family”. I was blessed to be placed in a great family that loves me and accepts me for who I am.  I am glad my biological mother gave me life.   I am also glad i ended up in this family too.

I hope to one day adopt some kids if I am able.  

Answer 13

Yes, as an adoptee/birthmother, I am "pro" adoption or any other solution to providing a family for a child.  Adoption springs from loss.  Loss created, whether justified or not, by a mother, or a mother and father.  In most cases, this decision was out of a deep desire to protect one's child in the best way possible.  That's what parents do.  In some cases, this decision was careless or  selfish.  In some cases, the state made the decision for the parent, due to allegations of neglect or abuse.  In most cases, those allegations are more than substantiated.  In some, they are not.  THEN enters the adoptive parent into this child's life -- AFTER the first/natural/biological parent voluntarily gave up their own parental rights, or the case of involuntary termination, the parent's rights were removed by a judge.  So, then, we have a child who needs.....what?  A PARENT.  Enter the adoptive or foster parent. The need for an adoptive parent IS there.  The adoptive parent does not create the situation wherein a mother decides to permanently give up parental rights.  Yes, in many international adoptions, dire poverty influences and others help this decison along (by offering money to desperately poor mothers to give up their child, so in many cases they can feed the other children they have at home.  DIspicable.)  But nonetheless, it IS that mother's decision to give up her child, for WHATEVER reason.  Good, bad, noble or ugly.  That DECISION creates the NEED for some other parent or institution to care for that child.  And since the U.S. does not warehouse children in orphanages anymore, the choices are foster care, which meets too few children's emotional or safety needs, or adoption.  Adoption is and can be a positive and permanent family solution for most of the children given up by their first mother.  Is it a magic pill?  NO. Does it meet all the needs of all the children who need parents?  NO.  Is it in some case harmful?  YES.  Is it in some cases less desirable than if a first parent were forced to parent?  YES.  But it is what we have, and by in far, works to provide for the immediate physical needs and long term family needs of most of those children who were relinquished. Loss?  YES.  Sadness? YES, for most.  Love?  YES, for most.  Stability?  YES, for most.  Perfect social solution?  NO.  But until we erradicate all the behaviors and circumstaces that make it possible for a mother to give over her child to another, we must embrace adoption for the purpose it serves, work feverishly at reforming the detrimental aspects where we can, insist on the highest ethical and moral standards possible, and find ways to empower women to mother in the healthiest, most productive way possible, and insist that fathers actively and permanently parent their children.      

Answer 14

Let me tell you something: right now my family and I just met our son through the cps (foster system) My hubby, daughter, and I are already in love with him and can't wait to bring him home! We are enjoying every moment and joy that comes with it! Our two son and daughter r already the light of our lives!

Answer 15

I'm very pro-adoption. I know several who were adopted into loving homes and none that are not happy about it. The only bad side I have seen in adoption is in open adoption when the birth mom tries to stay involved and interferes with the family bonding. I have a friend who had a teen mother who did not give her up for adoption but when she got pregnant again, gave her son up for adoption. He is an Olympic gymnast and the girl is always saying, should have been me, I have a great gymnast body but NO I had to stay with my birth mom and watch her struggle.

Answer 16

I love my adoptive parents and claim my rightful place in the family.

I'm very anti- secrets and lies, closed records and secrecy don't sit well with me and I hate the stigma that continues to permeate adoption along with the unethical infant adoption practices.

However the first point has very little to do with the second.  My feelings about adoption practices are no reflection upon my adoptive family or upbringing whatsoever.

p.s.(my first family was neither bad nor immoral)

Answer 17

I am pro-adoption. I see nothing wrong with adopting, especially from foster care, because these kids need homes too. What i do not stand for is adoption agencies that take advantage of adoptive parents, and biological parents, sealed records. I also think stronger guidelines are needed for international adoption.

Pro-adoption on this site means: you hate your biological parents and do not want to meet them. You make fun of other adoptees who wish to be reunited with their biological parents. It also means you are aganist any type of reforms regarding adoption that benefits all involved.

I say this defintion because i have been called anti-adoption because i met my biological family and that i want open records and better guidelines in adoption that benefit all involved.

Answer 18

If we say we had the best, most loving childhoods and fully supportive parents, yet we are anti-adoption - people aren't going to believe us.

Even if I were to speak of the joys of adoption, I'm not sure how long I could go on for, because it's quite simple.

I have loving parents and an awesome sibling. I have a good home, a good education. I like my life the way it is.

If I had a good adoption, then why do people feel the need to hear about it? To go on a blog or a message board and talk about all the positives... is redundant. If you're a non-adoptee and you're satisfied with your life, then why broadcast about it? So why does this change in adoption? It seems that by default, adoption is a good thing so what's the point about saying all the good aspects of it? It's already ASSUMED that adoption is the perfect option.

I mean, when people ask me about being adopted, obviously they want to hear about the good aspects of it. But if adoption is that great, then why should they have to ask at all?

It's like people who go on adoption.com and say how wonderful their lives are. If their lives are that wonderful, then WHY do they feel the need to come onto an adoption board and announce that fact like it's a relevation? I don't get that. Wouldn't they rather... you know, LIVE their lives?