Are there any teen parents who can answer this question?

Question

What is it like when you are a parent? I wish I knew what it was like to be a parent. I cant stop thinking about my gf having a miscarreg. I'm 17 and she's 16, but even though we are so young now that all this has happend I cant stop thinking about it. My gf cant stop crying about it, and wont talk about it. She just had the miscarreg 2 days ago, so I kinda understand that she needs more time, but I really wish she would talk about it, because I dont want to talk about it with anyone but her. I spent the night at her house last night, and she didn't cry untill I left the room, but I could hear her. Idk what to do. is there any teen parents who can help me?

Answer 1

I lost a baby at 23 weeks 2 years ago. After the loss we had a lot of trouble having a baby. In all I had 4 additional miscarriages.

I had a number of people in my life who said all the sorts of things that people say at moments of loss and in the months/years afterward. ''It was meant to be, something must have been wrong with the baby,'' ''Three's a charm!'' '

My advice is this:

1. Spend time with your frien gf, doing things you both enjoy. It is helpful just to start recreating you life again. The thing I never appreciated about the loss of a child is that from the moment a pregnancy is discovered, parents rewrite the story of their lives to include the child. When the pregnancy ends, their dream of their new life also ends and they have to find/create a new story about their future.

2. Ask her how she is doing with the loss of her child, then listen. When you feel you need to say something try, ''I'm so sorry, I know you loved our baby very much.''

3. Realize that everyone greives differently and she may need to talk about this for years. Make it O.K. for her to talk with you about it, no matter how long it takes.

4. Ask her if she would like to participate in a group that helps parents with the loss of an unborn child. Resolve offers these groups and they are highly recommended.

5. Ask her if she would like to memorialize her child in some way. Here are some suggestions: Name the child. Have a memorial ceremony (alone or with family/friends). Collect all the things she had for the baby and create a memorial of some kind. Plant a tree or rose in honor of the child. Make a donation to a charity or non-profit organization in honor of the child. Write a letter to the child expressing her love and grief.

Wishing you and your gf peace, janely

Answer 2

I'm not a teen parent, but i'm 21. I've just been through the same, it doesn't matter how old you are.

I must say i am impressed by the fact you must really do care, to come on here and ask this. I think that's really considerate.

She may not let her emotions go in front of you. I knew my partner wanted the child as much as me, but when i miscarried, i had this feeling that he might have thought i was taking this way out of perspective. I cried myself to sleep the day i started bleeding. I just knew.

What i would advise is that you throw yourself into this. Really show her she was not alone in wanting the child, and give her the hope that in the future there will be a day you can be a family.

You are both really young though, you guys need to get a sense of a career and understanding of income etc before you try again.

Good for you for wanting to be there for her! X

Answer 3

I'm not a teen parent but growing up alot of my friends had kids. It is hard having kids especially when your young with no money. That is very sad but maybe it was for the best. God has a plan for everyone and maybe you 2 are not suppose to have a kid, at least right now. My motto "Everything happens for a reason". Just grow from this experience and USE CONDOMS!!!!

Answer 4

Well i was a teen parent i had my Daughter when i was 15 yes 15 and i am 22 now it is hard. And i don't encourage anyone to have a child until you are married i had to raise my daughter by myself and have had to bust my but to make a home for her i am some what successful now but it is still hard for me. i know that she is hurting right now and you really need to be there for her that will help out alot. Please don't jump into anything you are young and still have your whole life a head of you i know everyone has told you that but let me tell you it is true the one thing i think i missed out the most is going to collage and becoming who i was going to be before i had my daughter. Hope all goes well and time will heal her pain.

Answer 5

im not a teen parent, but i totally agree with what janely said.

everything happens for a reason, so i bet that did too. this could have been a learning lesson. you guys could have ruined your lives by having a baby too early. or you could split up and the baby would have no dad and be misserable. there could have been something wrong with the baby. there are millions of reasons. but a lot of teen pregnancies never work out ya kno. im not saying that yours wouldnt have for sure, but it was fate that this happened. maybe it means that you should wait until you do something like this. and anyways she was 16, and so something dangerous could have happened to HER! she could have gotten really sick or something since shes only 16 and pregnant.

Answer 6

I'm not a teen parent but I hope this helps. I think you should definitely try to find someone who knows what she is going through to talk to her. What you can do is be there to comfort her and offer her any kind of love you can. Just understand she maybe upset for a while, and it can be difficult at times but she needs time to deal with what happened. She will talk to you when she's ready.

Maybe take her to a counselor that deals with issues like this. They are best suited to talk to her and helping her through this tough time.

I wish you both the best.

Answer 7

Well all I can say is that i'm sorry for your loss. I know that ya'll are young and it seems as if you were willing to take on all the responsibility of being a parent. But things didn't work out, I know she is upset of what happened any women would be It happened to me almost two years ago I was an unexpected pregnancy but it was welcomed and my fiance and me were upset when we lost it. I didn't try to have another since that one wasn't planned, and I don't think i'm ready im 24 btw. I think god will bless me with a child one day.  It wasn't time for her to have a baby your body expels the bad embryo. You should talk to her and make her understand that she is not alone, you cared for the baby as well and did not want this to happen but it did and she/he will me missed forever.

Answer 8

As a parent you have to learn to care about someone else more than you could ever care about your self.

Your scared your doing it wrong but you have to remind yourself your dong the best you.

As for what you can to you have to give her space it seems like you understand what shes going through but remember she may feel guilty. As if did something wrong; and she just may want to keep some of that t herself.

She may also think you are upset with her because she lost the baby, when shes ready to talk make sure you reasure her that you are aware of all she did.

Answer 9

i kinda know how she feel. when i was 19 i got pregnant and due to medical reasons (it caused me 7 seizures day that caused it brain damage) doctors advised me to get rid of it . when the doctors told me that i cried, i cried and i cried because we both wanted the baby and it would've of been our first.

i thought i would never get over the fact that i had to get rid of the baby but i prayed and prayed til things got better for me.



even though i didn't have it, it'll always be in my heart and i think of things in a positive way. i still named it, still til this day i keep up with how old my baby would've been (7yrs), the grade she would've been in, etc.

so pray about your situtation and try to think as positive as possible.

Answer 10

well im not a teenage mom but my friend was but had a misscarriage. it took her about a week to open up too me (i'm her best mate) were only 14 aswell but she wanted that baby so badly.she cried and cried and in the end i gave her a piece of paper and she qorte it all down and sliped it through the door for me too read - she opened up to me after that. just let your gf know that your there for her and always will be etc.

maybe try again with the whole baby thing?

im sorry to hear it anyhow but it will get easier! x x x