Are there any valid reasons for a closed adoption or to close a previously open adoption?

Question

I know there are plenty of excuses that have more to do with aparent and sometimes fparent insecurity or pain, but are there any reasons we can look to and say: "yes, that should absolutely be closed."

The only two I can think of is if the child is being emotionally or physically harmed. The child's safety is paramount, however, are those cases the norm? I think probably not. Even in cases where it is, like in foster care, the actualy physical visitation may need to cease, but certainly email communication could be kept up, even if the child is taken out of the equation for awhile.

Our first child was adopted from China and therefore it is technically closed as she was abandoned and we have no knowledge of who her first parents are, however, we are currently pursuing a foster care adoption and even though some of the history of the parents is questionable, I would still be open to some sort of communication, even if it were not face-to-face.

Answer 1

yes there is. In the case of my children, their father was dangerous. Very dangerous. And their mother refused to stop contact with him. The scar my son bares on his face is only a small testiment to what he was subjected to.

I actually would have preferred an open adoption. I think it would have been better for my son. I secretly hope that by sending the packages of photos and such, she will feel hope, and maybe get help for her addiction. If I found out that she was sober and that she was no longer putting herself in danger by being involved with bfather, I would try to make arrangements for an open adoption.

Answer 2

I gave my son up for adoption nearly 13 years ago.  I insisted that it be a closed adoption because it would hurt too much to be constantly reminded that I wasn't capable of taking care of my on child, that I had no choice but to give him up if I wanted him to have a chance at a good and happy life.  It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I doubt my decision every single day.  After reading some of the postings on this board, it certainly doesn't help.  It seems so many adoptees have had rough lives and are now screwed up.  That's the last thing I ever wanted for my son.  I will live in fear that I've done the worst thing I could ever do for my son until the day he comes to find me, if he comes to find me, after he turns 18.

Answer 3

We previously had an open relationship with our son's biological mother, until recently.  She got pregnant again and promised us the babies (twins).  She changed her mind right before birth and completely shattered our hopes.  I'm not going to stop my son from trying to find her when he is older, but I have no intention of keeping our relationship open after she broke our hearts so badly.  

*And yes, I know that she has that right....but that doesn't mean that my family could ever bear to have anything to do with her again.  

So, yes...there are circumstances where it seems best to close an adoption.

Answer 4

To me the only valid reasons for a closed adoption are the same as the only good reasons for relinquishment in the first place.

Abuse, addiction, or profound neglect.

Answer 5

Well, the situation I'm personally familiar with (it's not mine...I'm adopted but this is a friend) has to do with the safety of the adoptive parents more than the child but it's still a safety issue.

These friends have adopted 3 children.  The first two adoptions are open.  They love that and had hoped that all their adoptions would be, as they were planning to adopt more.  When the third adoption happened, they tried to set it up as open and kind of did for a while...but it didn't work out.  They never felt the biological mother was a threat to the baby simply because she never had any feelings (or never expressed any, I should say) about the baby at all.  She did, however, start to make really inappropriate requests of the parents, then started harassing them, then started stalking the father.

She was very young and had some addiction issues.  This probably lent to her inappropriate requests as many of them were for money...and this was WELL after the baby was born and in the care of the adoptive parents.  I know they hoped (and still hope) that she will get some help and that having a relationship might still be possible one day.  But, for their safety and to eliminate the terrible effect it was having on their older children, they closed the adoption.  They also have a protective order against her.  They did request that it be a reviewable order in the future...just in case she 'came around'.

Best of luck...I hope you find what you are looking for.

Answer 6

I knew I was adopted, I knew my story.  I did not have contact with my BP growing up, it wasn't the norm.  I had their information and was told my parents sent letters or updates to the AA.  

I did search for my BP after college, but it was more of a push from my mother.  I really did not have a desire to at the time.  I have since reunited with my BP and our relationship is okay at best.  I have a mother and I felt my BP wanted to intrude on that relationship.  We are currently working on a friendship.

I personally am grateful that I did not have a full "open" adoption where there were monthly, bi-monthly or yearly visits.  I believe that contact probably would of done more harm to me growing up.  I bonded so closely to my parents and the visit may of hindered the bonding.  Who knows.  I always had questions and I have my answers now.  I think the answers are easier to handle as an adult instead of a kid trying to process everything.

Answer 7

i am an adopted child, now 30 years old, and mine was closed.  i wouldn't have it any other way.  my adoptive parents are my PARENTS who raised, cared for, and loved me like they made me.  :)

Answer 8

I agree with you, the only reasons I can think of is when the child is at risk of being harmed (and then the adoption should be closed, but the child when they are an adult should be allowed to have information regarding their bio-parents), and obviously when the information isn't available, such as with your first child.  One of my relatives had a rather dangerous bio-father, and once the social services agency made it so they father could not speak to the children or come in contact with them etc, this boy started to make excellent progress with his foster (and soon after, adoptive) family.  Before he wouldn't talk, was wetting the bed, and having awful nightmares, but when he felt safe from the bio-dad he was much better.

Answer 9

I completely agree.  An adoption should not be closed unless someone's safety is involved.  Closing an adoption is unhealthy for everyone, because it creates a need for denial.  That is the most detrimental way possible to deal with the emotions surrounding adoption, or anything for that matter.  Closed adoptions don't make for happy people.  Sorry.  They just don't.    I think that if closed adoptions are being considered on either end (A.P. or Birth Parent), then there are serious issues that need to be dealt with.

Answer 10

Like you said, only if the child was being harmed. Even then, communication between first and AP should continue, even if it is just a picture and a paragraph.

Answer 11

I think the big reason is, of course, the safety of the child.  That has to be paramount over every other concern.

Answer 12

The threat of a child's safety is the only reason I can think of.