Are there cases where adopted people dont want to meed their bio parents?

Question

I always want to adopt a baby , but I always hear that sooner or later in their lives, they are not happy with they parents, and they want to meet and start a relatioship with their biological parents, is this true? I don't want to be rejected by my own kid.

Answer 1

I was adopted as a baby and have no desire to find my natural parents.  I've had a good, full life and I don't feel like anything is missing, as some adoptees on the talk shows have claimed.  Yes, I'm curious, but that's all.

Answer 2

don't see an adopted childs search for its birth parents a  rejection!! Everyone has a right to know the full story of thier life, and that is a part of a childs story!!! I'm sure that there are some adopted children who had lousy adoptive parents and would like any reason to leave them behind, but the majority of adopted kids are happy and stable.

Answer 3

I am adopted. I would not say that the child wants to find their bio parents because of something that their parents did to them or because they are mad at them for something. Its about knowing where you come from. Or medical history. I know that when I was pregnant with my daughters there were questions that I could not answer because of the fact I did not know. There is always the question why these people did not want me. But believe me that it has nothing to do with you.

And there are some cases that the child really does not care about all of that. As long as there adopted parents have loved and cared for them.

I think that it is a great thing to adopt children. I does take special people to adopt. It gives a child the opportunity to have better things in there lives instead of foster care or in a state home. If this is something that you want to do then I would do it. Do worry about what might happen in the future.  Take one day at a time

Answer 4

Searching for, or finding one's birthparents is usually not about "not being happy with their parents".  It is about finding more pieces of oneself.  Of course there are many children who have come home through adoption who do not seek their bio parents information, or want to meet them.  Just like there are many bio kids who are estranged from their parents!

Go to the library.  Read anything by Lois Melina.  Join an adoptive parents support group.  Do anything BUT adopt a child right now.  You have a ways to go before you are there.  Take in everything you can.  Go to ABC Adoptions or Adoption.org.  Read, talk and experience.  Good luck on your journey!

Answer 5

im adopted and there is always that thought in my head that i want to meat biological parents but its not for the reason u r thinking i think its more for closure. i have alot of questions that i would like answered and most adopted people do so if ur thinking of not adopting because the child would want to one day meet biological parents then u should reconsider adoption. the child u adopt as long as u love them and take care of them will always know u r their mother regardless of who gave birth to them.

Answer 6

I  traced my birth parents 8 years ago. i am VERY  happy with my adoptive parent's,and my feelings have not changed towards them.

  But i was also  unhappy at not knowing of my past,and who i was.i was finally able to move on with my life when i had this information. i needed to know of my "roots". the only way i would have not been happy with my adoptive parents would be if they had given me a horrible life.

Nothing has changed.i am a happier person,thats all.and my adoptive parent's can see that too.

Answer 7

When an adopted child searches for their biological parents, it is usually NOT a rejection of their adoptive parents!  Everybody comes from somewhere, and it is natural to be curious about whose DNA you share.  Just think about how many non-adopted people research their family trees and reconnect with long-lost relatives.  It's not about rejecting the family they have, it's about finding out more about the family they don't know and learning more about themselves in the process.  By finding their biological parents, adoptees might finally be able to answer questions that other people usually know the answers to - "What race am I?  Why are my eyes this color?  Does cancer run in my family?  How did I get this scar?"  Before adopting, please read up on the issues that effect adoptees and their adoptive families :)

A good place to start: http://library.adoption.com/Research-and...

For the record, the three adopted people I know have decided not to search for their biological families.  One man is in his late 40s and is offended by the idea of searching for his biological family.  "My mom is my real mom, the one who raised me and fed me and is there for me," he says.  

The other two are in their early 20s and were both adopted from South Korea.  The guy has never mentioned any desire to connect with his Korean family, although going to college did make him more embracing of Korean culture, I think.  He grew up in a white household, and even though his family tried to make sure he knew about his ethnic roots, he didn't care about it or have an interest in it until he met a lot of other Asian people (from Asia as well as other adoptees) in college.  The girl did consider doing some searching with another Korean adoptee when they both turned 18, but they both decided against it for the time being because they were afraid of how their biological relatives in Korea might respond to them.  As she grows older and more sure of herself and more comfortable with her adult life, I think she might try again.

Answer 8

I was adopted and wanted to meet my parents out of curiosity and now I regret it, I see now why I was taking away.My sister on the other hand did not want to meet our parents, so it really depends on the child. My sister had it better than me and I think that is why I waned to meet them but she didn't.

Answer 9

Wanting to meet their biological family is not necessarily a rejection of their adoptive parents at all. We are capable of loving and/or having a relationship with more than one child, more than one sibling, more than one grandparent, more than one friend...all without rejecting the others. What's so different about parents...both the people that gave you life and the ones that raised you?

I think it's perfectly natural to be curious about one's roots. Who do I look like? Where did I get my love of music?

I suggest you do a lot of research and read some books about adoptees before you consider it.

Answer 10

In most cases adopted people aren’t going to rejected the parents who raised them.

It should also be mentioned that sometimes people who are adopted don’t always get the absolutely best adoptive families. In thus they think their birthfamily would be better in some cases it may in others it may not.

As an adoptee I have never had a desire to search for my birthparents. I have never felt out of place in my family, nor ever felt like I was abandoned. Honestly most of the time I forget that I was even adopted and I don’t even resemble my family their white and I’m bi-racial. I guess I was always comfortable that this is the family God wanted me to be in. So really I see no need to search for them. I know a few things about them. Of course sometimes I have other questions , wish  I had medical history  but it does not plaque me like it does some other adoptees. My biggest question is what their heritage is/was, well I’ll be able to find that out through an ancestry DNA test at least birthmothers side.  I respect my birthmother for having me and giving me up when from the little I know about her  she wouldn’t have been able to give me the best life. (she was addicted to drugs , was even often homeless).

I think all adoptive parents should really let their child(ren) know that if they ever want to search they will be there for them. It is can honestly be a roller coaster ride of emotions. You don’t know what is at the other end its not always embracing and crying and acceptance  into the birthfamily.

The birthparents/family could totally reject the person. Have contact but then cut it off i read of one lady who was talking to her 1/2 birth sisters for about 6months well when the rest of the family found out about this they were really upset thus 1/2birth sisters stopped contact. Obviously the person was quite devastated. They could even turn out to be nothing like the adoptee thought they would be.  Maybe you find your birthmother is drunk , mental unstable or your ½ bio siblings are violent and have done time. You could find out your the product of a nasty affair/ even rape.

All children take adoption differently some like myself have no problems, others have major issues of abandonment/rejection sometimes even with good adoptive parents. It truly makes me blessed just reading some of the major issues some other adopted people have.  You really don’t know what way an adopted child will go. I talked to one lady who has two adopted children, her son has shown no interest and doesn’t care about being adopted. Where as their adopted daughter different story doesn’t even like to be told she is adopted. Most likely if  either of her kids decides to one day search for birthfamily it will  likely be her daughter.

All Adoptive parents can do is be prepared to handle anything read books. Let child(ren) know its ok to talk  about their adoption if they want to, don’t feel ashamed or like it’s a bad thing to talk about their adoption. I’ve always thought the younger the better. I was probably 2 ½ to 3 when my parents start telling me.  Today there are a lot of adoption story books out there.

Answer 11

I was adopted at birth. The only way I would want to find my biological family is if I had an illness that was because of genetics. My parents are the people who raised me, gave me a wonderful home, got up with me and worried when I was sick (measles, chicken pox etc), and have always been there for me. I do not hate my biological parents... I love them and thank them for loving me enough to give me to people who dearly wanted a daughter.

At some point in time, ALL children get fed up with their parents... this is not why adopted kids want to meet and start a relationship.

Answer 12

Just because a child wants to meet or know their biological parents does not mean that they don't love their parents any longer.  Adoption and the emotions that go along with it are very complicated.  It is only natural for a child to wonder about the people who gave them life.

We are in an open adoption, so our children will always have their birthparents present in their lives.  We do not feel threatened by their part in our children's lives, we welcome it and embrace it as we hope that it will help them deal with any issues they ever have about having been adopted.  Also, I feel peace in knowing if I ever have a question about anything as far as family history, all I have to do is pick up the phone and call their birthmom.

I suggest you either speak with an adoption counselor on this subject or check out some books on adoption that will help ease your mind.

Answer 13

I have never met my boilogical parents, and have no need to. Just because my parents that raised me did not give me birth, does not mean I urge me meet the the mother who didn't want me for whatever reason. Honestly I don't even know why. I am happy with my parents they gave me more than I could image.

Answer 14

There are some cases where the adoptee doesn't have any interest in meeting their bio family.  I do believe this to be rare that a person is completely uninterested in their family heritage and medical history.  Searching for some adoptees can be to find in their bio family what they did not get in the adoptive family, but this is rare also.  Try to imagine growing up in a loving family but not having any physical resemblance or having a medical condition that may be genetic.  

Searching for answers is not because you do not love your adoptive family but because as humans we are very curious.  Meeting and/or getting information does not always lead to a relationship.  

Being open, supportive & loving parents are what makes your kids your own, not always giving birth.

Answer 15

I was adopted and had no desire to meet my birth mother; I think this is more likely to occur with males who are adopted.

Answer 16

I was adopted as a baby and I have never had any desire to meet the biological parents. I consider my parents just that. My parents. I thank God the people who conceived me loved me enough to want a good, loving home for me. I shudder thinking about how my life could have been if two people had not made the decision they made.

Answer 17

you need to learn about adoption before you get into it. it's not about the kid being unhappy with their adoptive parents and therefore wanting to find their biological parents. in fact, it's not that way at all. kids get curious about their roots and they really need ot be able to explore and understand where they came form and why. if they have supportive parents who understand and don't tak eit personally, it is much better for everyone. It has nothing to do with you as a mother, when the child is searching for their biological roots. The child needs to know that he is loved and will be loved even if he needs to find his roots. it is normal and to be expected and understood. don't adopt a baby until you have a better understanding of the issues that face adopted children.

Answer 18

While many adopted children would like to find and meet their birthparents, this does not mean that they are rejecting or want to leave the parents who raised them.

We've adopted both of our kids, and I hope that some day they can meet their birth mothers. She holds a special place in each of their lives, and that doesn't mean that if they have a relationship with her that I won't still be there mother too.

There are also adoptees who have no desire to meet there birthfamilies.