A husband a wife were celebrating their 90th wedding anniversary, and the media was there to document the occasion. One of the reporters asked the secret to their successful marriage and longevity. The wife replied that they had never been sick.
The young reporter was astonished and to confirm said, "So, you've never been bedridden."
And the wife quickly replied, "Oh, 1000's of times, and twice in a buggy."
A family was supposed to stay the night at a hotel, but there was a s***w-up with the rooms, so Grandpa had to sleep in the same bed as the 15-year old Grandson. In the middle of the night Grandpa woke up and shouted: "Quick! Get me a woman! Fast!!"
The grandson moaned: "Please, Grandpa, calm down. First, its three o'clock in the morning, and you'll never find a woman at this hour. Second, you're 82 years old, and third, that's MY d*ck you're holding... not yours."
When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.
A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office.
"Doc, I want my s*x drive lowered."
"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think you're 's*x drive' is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
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