Are these behaviors/ feelings... normal?Anything I could do?

Question

For a long time my gf has been acting very lethargic, weird (changes from happy?, calm, sad moods quickly), and had no attention span. Grades are usually much better. Just recently she had some fainting, breathing, rapid heart beat problems (not sure if this has to do with anything). Today she confessed there was someone stalking her who did stuff to her, beaten, forced her into some things, etc her for the past 2 years (I was completely unaware of this. only knew she was acting strangely but thought maybe she just had many bad days or was frustrated at me).... That guy got a restraining order 2 months ago for 5 years. Even though 2 months has been a long time she told me she still feels very unclean or something?, shameful, guilty, angry, sad, all sorts of mixed emotions?, gets nightmares, scared and wants to forget everything. She said she forgot some of it..... but any ways to forget all of it? Should I let it go and wait for time to heal her or are there some other suggestions? Thanks...

Answer 1

I am very glad that you are being so supportive of her. That is really what she needs. If there is a battered women's shelter in your area, or a rape crisis center, you could call them, even being a guy, and ask their opinion. Maybe she would be up to going to some group counseling.

Everything you described sounds pretty normal. The physical symptoms could be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which you could look up on-line. There are a few on-line support groups for sexual abuse survivors, if she prefers to do things that way. The one I know of is called "after silence".

The best thing that you can do is be there for her and be patient. Don't judge her, or say things about how bad it was, just let her know that you care about her. Don't try to fix things. Most ladies just want you to listen unless they ask for advice straight up. Feel free to e-mail me, if you want. I (unfortunately) know a lot about this stuff. Hope everything gets better.    

Answer 2

You cannot forget something that has been engraved in one's life. We must accept mistakes and the events that have past. We must focus on what is and what will be because we can change it and try to accept what was since we can not rewrite.

The greatest healing is not forgetting but accepting.