Question:

Are these poems any good...?

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Tragically, the rains pours with a deep sorrow,

Many do not live to see tomorrow

Tragically, in life some never get control

Many do not get to complete their goals

Tragically, Not just animals are faced with abuse

Many are unfortunate to receive more then one bruise

Tragically, many tears are often shed

The living turn into the dead.

Tragically, the most beautiful creatures have to die

At some point you have to say goodbye

Tragically, war takes more then just one

Violence will never lead to being done

Tragic is when the sun has set, and your heart, is full of regret.

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We live in a world where nothing is ever the same

New things arising, something different to tame.

And we can never know who friends really are.

If we aren’t careful we may end up with a scar.

Not just the things you see and the people you already know

But the people you meet, and the ones you lost long ago.

Sometimes the meeting of someone new ends to destruction

But you have to learn to deal with a world full of introduction

--------------------------------------...

Have you ever wanted to bring a gun to your head

Have blood gushing out all over your bed.

Have you ever just wanted to take too many pills

Just enough so you know it kills

Have you wanted to walk in to burning fire

Watch the flames destroy all your attire

Have you ever wished to hang yourself on a tree

So dieing could really be a guarantee

Have you wanted your brakes to stall

So your car would go crashing into a wall.

Have you ever really wanted to cut your veins

So there was so much blood it stains.

What many don’t see is there is some in pain

People take it like it’s a game

But no one knows how they really feel

They talk about it, like it’s no big deal

There’s people out there wanting just this

Because there mom died, or got denied there first kiss

People out there really want to die

But why does no one ever care why

Cant you see your best friend might really be sad

Having a much worst life then you ever had

Don’t deny what you know is true

Or you could end up being a victim of suicide too

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Why do we sleep during the night

The darkness is blinding, putting children in fright

Why do only some die before there time

In fires, earthquakes, and that one fatal crime

Why do we torture the weak, but praise the strong

When they are the ones causing what’s wrong.

Why do we look at the bad but never the good

Being nice to that girl like no one would.

Why do we use violence to solve all are mistakes

With guns, knives, and bones to break.

Why do we care for those who could care less

When they are the ones tearing up success

Why do we risk all we have worked for

To be richer then ever before

Why, do we always say goodbye

To the ones that never can give a reply

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Hi, My name is Danielle, and Im 14.

Yes my poems are dark, they are deep, they are different.

Nonetheless, they are very true.

A lot of these things people wont ever see, but it’s out there.

I might be young, but I see it.

The last two poems I wrote Today, tell me what you think.

Thank you.

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2 ANSWERS


  1. My honest opinion is that you are very good at expressing ideas, so I think you should try less.  Don't worry so much about the rhyme, just say what you have to say.  You have a lot to say.  Like you said, you might be young, but you see it.  Show it to everyone else.  I'm not saying "don't rhyme," just don't force it.  Also, you have a few grammatical errors, such as in the first poem, I think you might want "than" instead of "then."  Keep on writing.  You have talent.


  2. I only like the last one,

    I think it is very good, the others are not good at all.

    I would work on the ending of the last one, make it a little more dramatic.

    good luck

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