Are these reasons for a divorce?

Question

Salam Aleikum!

Just a little background history.

I have been married for almost a year but it has been living h**l for me! My husband was a kind, caring, honest and religious man ( or so I thought). However, as soon as we were married he became a total monster!

For one he has been physically abusive to me.

I found out he had a mental illness.

He does drugs.

Never comes home until the AM hours.

Stopped praying.

etc, etc, etc...

I have tried to take him to see an Imam. I have tried talking to family to get him help. I have tried to get him to pray again but he just seems to fall deeper into the abyss.

Now that I am 5 months pregnant, his behavior just has gone from bad to worse and I just asked to go back to my parents home last night. I regret saying those words as they have deeply hurt him but now that I am going through such a difficult pregnancy (on strict bedrest) I feel like I have to worry more about me and my child's well-being. My faith is the only thing which keeps me going but somedays, I feels as if I am doing the wrong thing. PLS HELP!

Answer 1

salam sister

I am terribly sorry for your heartache. If i was in your situation I would divorce him. he is not a practicing muslim and he is abusive. you deserve better. you need to be in a comfortable environment now that you are pregnant and this is also no place to raise a child. you need to move on with your life and trust Allah (swt). you are not doing anything wrong. you have done everything you can and remains unchanged. let go and move on.

Answer 2

U know sis, it's up to u to do Istikhaara, and seek counsel from fellow humans. Then do whatever u feel is best.

Personally, I believe that when one or all of the 3 A's enter a relationship, it can't and shouldn't continue:

1) Abuse

2) Addiction

3) Adultery

A person who doesn't pray is not a Muslim. It's one of the pillars of Islam. If this pillar has fallen down, his Islam has fallen. He must repent and turn over a new leaf. But if he doesn't, it's islamically not permissible for u to continue with him (a non Muslim). And what kind of influence is this for your future child?

A man who doesn't fulfill the rights of Allah can't be expected to fulfill those of human being either. For why should he, when he doesn't fear anyone?  

Answer 3

You should take this to Islaamic court to get a Khula'. Speak to your Imaam. No one here on Yahoo Answers can help you.  

Answer 4

Domestic violence is a GOOD reason to get OUT. Most religions require the man to protect his wife. By being abusive, he has brought danger TO the home, rather than FROM it.

As a result, he has broken his marriage and religious vows.

You need to get you and your child out before things get worse, which they will. Abusive spouses almost never improve, but they get worse. The only time where they get better is when they can ADMIT to being a problem and they WANT to get better.

This is very rarely the case and it sounds as if your husband will not fall in that category.

Care for your child. That is your first priority. Bringing him/her into a home of violence and uncertainty can only be harmful for the future.

Answer 5

"Stopped praying."

If one or both of spouses stop praying, their Nikah (marriage) is invalid.

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "What lies between a man and disbelief is the abandonment of prayer." [Muslim, Aboo Dawood, Nasaa'ee]

I'm sorry for your situation. May Allah Guide your husband.

Answer 6

I am not Muslim; but I am a female and I am compassionate.  

If your parents have agreed that you can return to their home, I would go there without delay because the health of you and your baby are paramount.  

Then see what happens over the next 6 months.  Maybe he will realize that he needs help if he wants to be reunited with his wife & child and you might be able to keep your family together.  

He sounds like a beast to me and I would divorce him immediately!  However, I realize that your faith has its own expectations.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Technically you cant get divorced while pregnant. If you do then separation will take place only after you deliver the baby. Going through this period and having a baby might change him, if he doesnt change then divorce.......

Answer 8

divorce divorce divorce

Answer 9

If your truly unhappy, and don't feel safe, you should do whats best for yourself and child and leave. I believe when you file its called "irreconcilable differences" or something like that. But you could always give marriage counseling a try. Good luck, hope everything turns out alright.

Answer 10

If he is mentally ill, then there is no blame on him for what he does.  But being physically abusive is wrong(I come from a 22 year old schizophrenic physically and emotionally abusive father, and a 17 year old child mother).  In all reality he has rights of custody to the child, as he is the one who supports it and takes care of it.  But if he is abusive to you, then perhaps his custody rights go out the window(Not really sure).  I do know if you get married again then you lose YOUR Custody rights and he gets automatic custody of any children you have as the stepfather will never accept the woman's other kids as his, might abuse and/or neglect his wife's other kids, and might molest or rape his step daughters.  (I have experience in this because my mom married 2 different men, 1 who physically, sexually and emotionally absued me for 8 years, and the other who emotionally abused me for 5 years).  If you are pregnant then you can't get a divorce until the baby is born, because of the issue of paternity.  This is from what I've learned from my Muslim husband and read from Islamic books.

Answer 11

Ultimately.....this is your decision.  (and yours only).

we could get into a lot of meaning-less debate over this Q. , but it comes back to your Religion and it`s/yours and families perceptions and Agree-ance/Dis-agreement to the values of Marriage and the result of a Divorce.

good luck on making your choice and remember......you are the one who has to live with the choice that you made , good or bad , it`s not our Lives that will be different after this.

Answer 12

of course that is a really good reason for divorce, he is not suppose to treat you like that, it says in the quran that if a man cannot treat his wife good and with kindness he must leave her. be strong sister and go to your parents but you have the right for a divorce. a muslim woman must have a muslim husband and him doing all this is not muslim like and if he dosent pray it says in an islamic book and islamic lectures thats kafr.

Answer 13

wa aleikis salaam wa rahmatullah sis

ok,

#1  a marriage is when the couple cares for each other and the man protects the women from harm.  And they grow with each other in faith, and actions.  You don't have this.

#2 you have the right to be atleast treated normal, if not great.  And he has been violating your rights as a human being by physical abuse.

#3 he is not praying, and prayer is what makes a Muslim different from a kafir.  And it sounds like he has deliberately left this. And most scholars agree that one can and should divorce in this situation.

#4 He is also violating your other rights. etc.

#5 parents make a good surrounding for the child to be born, and you don't have this.

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the list can more or less continue...

Do not regret what you said to him sister.  It is hard to come out of relationships.  But in this case I believe you must come out of it, for yourself, baby and religion.   faith only goes down, and things only get worse over time.  The ones who cares and understands wud've been taking action already in fixing flawes.  It's obvious he hasn't been.  And he'd try to make you feel bad for your decision, ask Allah to help you and make it easier.

And yes the final divorce can't take place until the baby is born, but you can be seperated.  You both can also agree to divorce as soon as the baby is born, so he won't have to say it, but as soon as the baby is born, u'd be divorced by islaamic law.

Or you can also try to work things with him through imaam and the like in the meantime, and if doesn't work, go to your parents' when baby is born.  so you have help inshallah.

At the end if you are in the west, there is no islamic court in general, and you'd have to go to the imaam, and the imaam must be a good one etc. Like someone suggested you should go to the court and the like, I know it is not so easy in the west.  Scholars from abroad don't always agree to give a ruling due to the distance, and they ask to get an imaam in your area. And many imaam are culturally influenced and would say to keep trying.  [grr.. Noone thinks of divorce without trying to work things out!!! ofcourse u've already tried all u can think of.]  so you have to find an imaam who is strong in religion inshallah, and work with him.  The sooner you work with an imaam, the better, because sometimes they might ask you to try this and that to work things out, and it might take longer than you imagined, and the child might remember a lot of these as he is growing up, and i swear by Allah, it has no good for the child!  It affects them sooo much!!!

Answer 14

Assalamu Alaikum, Dear Sister in Islam,

Please stay with your parents, pray to Allah all the times for your husband if you still love him.  Mental illness or whatever  thoughts in his mind are hurting me  are not good reasons for asking for divorce. He may have abused you also because his mind is not in his control.

Try to get help from Psychologist or Psychiatric doctor for him.  May be when he will see his first born child, it will change him for better.

I am not suggesting that you should suffer and never ask for divorce.

If nothing works, Islam gives you right for asking divorce. At this time you should wait till you deliver the child  because it is possible that he might get better when he feels the responsibilities of a child and wife.

When you ask for suggestion, majority  of Christians who oppose Muslims here will advise you to divorce your husband.  Because they want nothing better than destruction of Muslim families.

May Allah give you patience and strength to face your difficulties.

Keep praying Allah for help. Allah is the best protector and provider.