Are those who come out later judged by the g*y community?

Question

If a woman was married for a few years, to a man, before "coming out", would she be judged by other Lesbians? I ask because at 26, I realized I cannot deny the fact that I'm not interested in men . I spent years convincing myself I was straight, and those crushes were meaningless. Then I finally acknowledged them, and called myself bi-sexual. I have come to the realization that even that's not true.

I am not only interested in the physical aspect of being with another woman, as seems to be the "trend" in many groups/boards, I find on-line. I crave the emotional, and spiritual connection as well. Will the fact that I figured this out later, and after a marriage, be held against me, as if I couldn't make up my mind?

I know that other people have been in my situation, but I feel very alone, and nervous right now.

Answer 1

no definately not.. at least u didn deny urself 4ever

Answer 2

If someone's going to seek a serious relationship with you, then that won't matter to them.

Answer 3

I don't think anyone will judge you for that, if anything, they should congratulate you for finally being true to yourself.

Better late than never.

;-)

Answer 4

Better late than never.  Nowadays with the GLBT community no longer under attack in most of urban America, there's no real excuse for staying in the closet.  Just get yourself on a plane to LA, SF, New York, Boston, Chicago--the list of places where you can be you is long and growing!  (I know, Beavis, I just said "long and growing," heh, heh, heh...)

Answer 5

Individual people may judge you, but their opinion is worthless.  I used to judge women who discovered they were L*****n in adulthood and my own view was that they were bisexual at best but certainly not L*****n.  I've had that view challenged several times and I understand I was very wrong.  

What other people think is irrelevant, and anyone who does judge you for being who you are is not worth your time and definitely not worth the effort it would take to worry about them.  

Answer 6

Never be afraid to be judged by others on being true to yourself.  The fact that you've come to know yourself a little bit more and willing to take the steps toward change is courageous.

My partner of 20 years had been married and she is happier/stronger today for having moved on.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

Hi. I too was 26 when I came out as g*y and I've never experienced any negativity in finding out at this stage.  I can't speak for all lesbians and you're right about there being a trend towards experiencing merely the physical side of being with women, but I wouldn't be put off by the fact that you were married.  I think it takes a lot of guts to change your path like that, good for you for having the courage to do it.  You have to do what makes you happy in this life.  

Answer 8

nope. everyone figures it out at a different time. we would be hypocrites to judge you for that. plus, we're always happy about adding in another member. dont forget your handbook. joking...

Answer 9

In general 'no'.

g*y people fully understand that everyone's life is different, and the best time to 'come out' may be different for different people, depending on their circumstances, upbringing, etc.

And besides, 26 is still pretty young.

I know people who have come out in their 60's!

Answer 10

I've walked in those very shoes with 2 children to boot. You might be judged by some people, but the point is that you're not living your life to please ANY other people now, it's about your true feelings.  You will meet friends who won't judge you regardless of your past, because whether we knew from the time we were very small or accepted it later in life, we all have our own "coming out" stories to tell. Good luck!

Answer 11

Most people in the LGBT community (if such a thing exists) aren't that judgmental on such things as when you come out (judgmental as h**l on some other issues but hey...).  Truth is that really matters is that you are being honest with yourself and not trying to conform to some preconceived stereotype.

Answer 12

No, my dear, you shouldn't be worried about being judged.  Everyone has a coming-out story to share, even it it happened when just a child or much later, after marriage and even children.  

To acknowledge your self, your true self, is something to be proud of.  Don't feel alone, either.  There are literally millions of potential friends and supporters out there.  But you have to find them.  See if there is a LGBT switchboard or community office in or near where you live.  You won't believe how fulfilling it is to have others near who have experienced similar major changes in their lives.  Good luck, please hang in there!

Answer 13

they can be judged and other times accepted. It just depends on who that '' community'' is made up of.

Answer 14

Coming out is a process that takes time. Also there is no deadline to coming out as well so remember that. Take your time and deal with the internal issues that are put before you now. As far as others judging you; people will always have opinions that seem judgemental. That's a way of life. Don't let it add extra pressure to you exploring your own sexuality. Honey you are far from being alone on that one.

Best of luck to you