Are/were any of your family members hesitant or against you adopting?

Question

Are/were any of your family members hesitant or against you adopting?

Answer 1

No, not at all. I have two biological twins and three adopted children :o) Adoption is a wonderful thing :D

**EDIT TO JOSLIN** All of my children are my own. They are treated equally and I love them all the same. They're all so special and dear to me. I didn't mean to sound like that. They're all loved and they have a great home filled with love...and without them, I don't know what I'd do. Please don't be so quick to judge. I think you should rethink what *you* have said. Sorry :o( A slip of text is nothing to get that crazed up about. My family is amazing and nothing will ever change that :)

Answer 2

my husband and I have just started the adoption process and everyone is our family is standing behind us and is excited for us. Except for my mother. She is totally against it and has said alot of mean things that I refuse to repeat because they are hurtful and offensive, but I'm pretty sure you all can use your imaginations and figure it out. She has known about us wanting to adopt for about three weeks now and she hasn't asked anything about how the process is going or how we are doing, etc etc. All she has said is that if I adopt a child { i have a 3 year old birth son and a 2 year old birth daughter} that she is going to take me to court and take my daughter away from me because I abuse her. my mothers definition of abuse is me putting a baby gate at her door at night to keep her from getting into things int he middle of the night, just in case I don't wake up for a few mins after she wakes up. Does anyone else consider this abuse???

But anyways,I am not concerned with what my mother says because it doesn't bother me I am going to continue the adoption process and I will be bringing a brother or sister home to both of my children, reguardless of what my mother thinks.

Answer 3

TO:  belle_gl   (who answered above......)

Please try and look at the Positive Adoption website.  When you say you have "children of your own" and then other "adopted children", I just shudder.  I am sure others affected by adoption, or just concerned about children and families, may have the same reaction. (Even if they don't, it is still not right.)  I wonder what your children think when they hear you say this?  Do your bio kids feel a sense of entitlement for being "your own"?  Do your kids who came home through adoption feeling second best or less than yours cause they are not referred to as "your own" children?  Well, if they are not your own, whose are they?  Please rethink your language, for the sake of all of your children, and children and adults everywhere.

Answer 4

Um, no. They're not particularly for it either. But at least they're not really against it. Hestitant, though. I want to adopt a sibling group internationally when I'm older, and not have any of my own kids. My mum tells me I will probably change my mind - maybe, but I don't think I will. My mum and family are hesitant, not knowing what I'm getting myself into, and my mum's told me how the baby-bonding thing, and being pregnant, and looking after a baby is a really special time and its really important. I don't think it's necessarily important! She also says how its a special, 'natural' thing for a women to go through - *yup* that doesn't convince me at all to go through child-birth - I don't think all women should, or that they're missing out on much if they don't! My brother is concerned about the 'ethics' of adoption - of 'buying' a child, because its lots of money (could be put to a greater cause), and because the baby/child's family often puts it up for adoption because they can't afford to look after it [therefore we should be giving money to the family, rather than taking their child!] IN RESPONSE to those arguments: adopting children will be cheaper than raising my own (about 10 years 'lost' income if I am a stay-at-home mum, which I would be).  And I will find out why the children I want to adopt are up for adoption - and decide if it is ethical for me to adopt them  or not (ie. if giving money to their family will not reconcile them happily with their family) .

Answer 5

My family is for adoption.  I have 2 brothers from Korea, adopted as infants.

Answer 6

No one was actually "against" us adopting, and most people were extremely supportive, but there were one or two people who were a bit "hesitant".  I believe that was more because we knew the child we were adopting had a medical condition.  

The biggest challenge we have faced with adopting a child is the language that people use when referring to our son.  So many times we've been asked "why did his real parents give him up?"  Truth is he is our son; we are his "real parents".  And they didn't "give him up".  They knew that they were unable to care for his medical disorder so they made an adoption plan for him.

Answer 7

Seeing as I’m adopted (there are others in my family adopted)  I know my family wouldn’t have a problem with it if (when) I adopted someday. They would probably have typical concerns of maybe the birthparents (if their in the picture) would change her (his) mind but I think those are typical.

Answer 8

Both my mother and my inlaws were VERY against us adopting. My husband is adopted!!!! They were very against it because we are not infertile and thought we should just have more bio kids (we had 1 already). I also think they had a problem with the fact that our new daughter would be Asian. We have had our new daughter for 9 mo. and my mother has never even laid eyes on her. My inlaws have come around, but it's aggravating how they make such a big deal over our bio daughter and not the new one. Especially since their son is adopted!!

Answer 9

i'd hope not considering how I was adopted..

hm..

that's a good question though.

I'm gonna watch this question.

Answer 10

My fience is against adopting, He does not believe in taking in someone else's child as your own. However i am very much for adoption. I myself was adopted at the age of 2!

Answer 11

I am in the process of adopting a bi-racial child.  He was born premature with heroine and cocaine in his system and he has had a lot of medical issues as well.

Currently we are his foster parents.

I have had a few family members question us.  Mostly they say things like, "are you sure this is what you want?"  or "What are you going to do when..."

We have been foster parents and have had children of several different races come through our home.  I am very used to being stared at in public and answering some 'insensitive' questions.  I remind my family that our child will become thier 'grandchild, cousin, nephew, etc...'  then I ask them how they feel about having a relative (of whatever relation) who is adopted.  They always say, "I like/love him, I don't care that he is adopted"  

Then I say, "exactly"

For the most part, everyone has been very supportive.

Answer 12

Some of my family members were just a bit concerned about us and the risk involved with domestic infant adoption (they feared the worst with the possibility of the birthparents changing their minds during the revocation period) and they had lots of questions about how an open adoption would affect us.

After explaining to everyone that we were willing to take the risk involved and educating them about open adoption (how we truly thought it was in the best interest of the children to have an open adoption; that open adoption didn't mean co-parenting; and that it truly what we wanted as well), they became less concerned for us.  After all, we'd had our hearts broken time and again for 10 years after we went through an ectopic pregnancy, a gazillion failed IVFs and several potential adoptive situations that didn't work out.  Our family and friends started to wonder if we could handle any more disappointment, especially that of having a child in our home and having to relinquish him/her if their birthparent had a change of heart.

We were worried too.  But, we just had such a strong desire to be parents and we always felt as though nothing is ever gained if risks are never taken.

Everything worked out fine for us - twice!  We're so blessed to be the parents of our two children.

Answer 13

I think adoption is a wonderful thing. There are so many children out there that get tossed around in foster homes and group homes. They have to deal with abusive, negligence, explotation, and so many other horrible things. If you can save just one child from going through this, then who cares what your family thinks?

By the way, I'm partial towards American adoptions. Why do you need to look across the world for a child, when there are millions already here? Good luck to you.

Answer 14

i am the adoptee, but my mom always told me about the way my grandma reacted to them adopting me. she was absoultely against it. and spent my whole life taking stabs at me about " you can tell you arent one of us because....."

my response was always "thank god for small favors, i wouldnt want to be related to you"

i guess she went so far as to tell my dad (her son) "if you adopt that b*****d brat you will be out of this family, we dont want her"  well, she didnt want me, no one else had a problem with me, adopted or not.

i cant understand her hostility toward me, and she died stating my parents had only one daughter (my sister, their biological daughter),  i could have cared less, she was a miserable woman, the rest of the family welcomed me with open arms, and my adoption was always a source of play. i am comfortable with where i came from and so were they, it was not a taboo subject

let them be, the choice is not theirs and their opinion is not that important, if they love you they will be supportive and understanding.  good luck