Are you a clueless, annoying mother?

Question

I hate when I'm out in public and some woman is near me with her child whom is acting like a big brat, and then instead of doing something about it, she looks at me and smiles like "isn't he just the most precious thing?", and I'm wondering why she is having trouble reading the annoyed expression on my face as well as everyone else's. Are you THAT type of parent? If so, I think I might hate you.

Answer 1

I am not that parent but I do think those parents are smiling at you and everyone else because they are embarassed and do not know what to say.Most of the smiles I see like that look like "Sorry" smiles...not ignorant to the fact smiles. But on the other hand I have seen my fair share of ignorant smiles too

Answer 2

I have a  child that has ADHD and ODD, this situation is not an easy thing to deal with because I have to deal with this a lot. My son can be very moody at times and I never know what I have to deal with on a daily basis. My son has had other health problems and his speech is not very clear. I have taken my son to a counselor to learn how to communicate with him without losing my cool and believe me it  is not always easy. I have also learned that spanking him is not always effective but taking away privileges works better. I try not to take my son to the store when he is sick and/or over tired because if I do I will have  an embarrassing situation like you describe above.

Answer 3

Discipling children is a challenge that most parents do not know.  You have to understand that each and every child is different and therefore, different techniques must be applied.  In general, however; you must let your children know what is and what is not okay.  Gracious, my 2 year old knows this and never acts out in public.  And, I guarantee you no abuse of any kind has ever been present in his world.  He just understands because I have taken the time to teach him.  A lot of parents while they have good intentions, do not know how to teach the concept.

Answer 4

It's pretty obvious that you have no children. If you do, I suggest you give us all a parenting class. (considering your children are just that perfect)....

If you had ANY experience with children whatsoever, you would know that they are in fact people. They are people with little understanding of how the world functions. They don't care if you are annoyed by them. All they know is they want whatever it is that they want and they want it NOW. Discipline does play a role, yes, but even the most disciplined children do act out. People like yourself make parenting all that more difficult. We are bad parents if we let our children act out in public, and we are bad parents if we discipline our children in public. It's not a fun situation to be in. You wouldn't understand, because you've obviously never been there. My son is 3. He is generally a well behaved child, but he has his days. Why? BECAUSE HE IS THREE.  When he acts out, I do my best to handle the situation. Don't judge me until you've walked in my shoes.

Answer 5

I don't let mine get away with that kind of thing but sometimes a kid is going to scream no matter what you do.  In that situation, it is time to leave and I think that is where a lot of parents get it wrong.  Unless it is an appointment vital to your well-being, there is nothing so important as to forgo your duty as a parent to teach your child right and wrong.

However, I have to agree with the other commentors that I would bet big money most of those smiles you're getting really are "Ogawd, I wish I could make myself invisible right now but all I can do is smile apologetically."  I know I've thrown around more than my fair share of those while dragging a tantrum-throwing child from the supermarket.

Answer 6

I'm not a mother, but when I was younger if I ever started acting like that, my mom would totally remove me from the situation.

Like one time, I think I was four, I was at Toys 'R Us and I really wanted a Barbie...but we weren't there to shop for me, I had enough toys, I was supposed to find a gift for my friend because it was her birthday. So my mom picked me up kicking and screaming, left the cart in the middle of the store, and drove me home.  I learned my lesson fast....behave or else I won't get any new toys at all...

I think that parents who just let their children act like that in public places that can be left are in the wrong...It's not fair to the people around the child and it isn't fair to the parent themself, having to endure the stares and whispers from others.  People should learn how to effectively discipline their children...without hitting or yelling too often.  

My parents were able to do it, so was my neighbor who's a mother of six, all under the age of 13. Just takes patience and time and consistency.

I know that I really can't judge, but in my mind I don't understand how a parent could just let their kid misbehave without discipline in public.

Answer 7

no I am not, I mean people bring it up to me that my children are handsome, beautiful, etc. but I think its rude, especially if you didn't know her. I know what your dealing with...unfortunately.

Answer 8

You have no insight into these woman's lifes.

You do not know their history.

You do not know their child's history.

You do not know their medical situation.

You do not know anything about these people at all.

My children DO NOT act like that in public or at home but I am not so arrogant as to assume that EVERY SINGLE parent of a child that is not behaving appropriately is a clueless annoying mother.

Perhaps you should spend more time teaching yourself some empathy and patience towards other people and less time passing judgements on complete strangers.

Answer 9

:D No I am not. My momma raised me right. If me or my sister EVER misbehaved that way in PUBLIC my mother and father would make sure we knew it. And they would punish us later. Children should be taught boundaries and respect for others.  If not they'll go around in life thinking that you can do whatever you want just cause. :(

Answer 10

I dont care where I am at if my kid is acting up I will handle it! My kids dont get nothing over on me I dont care where I am at!

No I dont beat them either LOL!

Answer 11

I agree that its frustrating for other people but remember, the chances are huge that the mother is more upset than anyone else, including you but she can't go through life making apologies.

She knows what you are thinking and there is a good chance she has done everything in the past that any good parent would do and that includes a swat on the behind, possibly bordering on abuse.

There are many neurological disabilities which inhibit a child's ability to control their behavior. If the child has sensory issues, he or she is overloaded with stimuli and can't think straight. Autism, aspergers, ODD, ADHD, NLD, APD are all disabilities which impede a child maturing and being able to act their age or even as mature as a child much younger. It could even be past the kid's nap time but the mom had no choice but to be in that store at that time.

Next time you see a child acting up, I suggest you smile at the mother and say something to the effect of "too bad they don't tell you there will be days like this before you find out the hard way". It will give her a little more patience and maybe help her calm down enough to figure out how to deal with the child.

For anyone who thinks their child will always be little angels in public, I feel sorry for you. They won't be. Every kid acts up at some point and you can't run into the rest room every two minutes.  If you do, I feel sorry for your kid. Kids are kids and if you expect little adults, you are in for a rude awakening.

Just be glad you can get in and out without having to deal with a little monster of your own. You are missing out on the brat attacks but you are also missing out on the real joy a child brings into your life. I'll take a brat over being childless any time.

Answer 12

I am a parent and I hate when I see those situations. When my boys are with me they are embarrased and have even made comments to the effect, if we acted like that we would be in big trouble.

I would never tolerate that kind of behavior from my boys and they know. She was probably one of those parents that only practice time outs for discipline. I can't stand that, sometimes I think to myself the parent should be spanked for letting the child act that way. How rude to everyone around.

Answer 13

Yes that's me. That's ok if you hate me, I don't mind. I have too many friends as it is.

Answer 14

You must hate me because I am not a perfect mother.  My two-year-old throws his share of tantrums.  I'm not always successful at quieting him when we're in public.  I don't always have the opportunity to just scoop him up and leave like I'd like to.  Believe me, I don't want to be in public if my kid is acting up.  I hate for other people to be annoyed by my child's behavior, but it will happen.  Someone is probably going to think he's a brat if he is tired, hungry, bored, or just not the most perfectly-behaved child in the world.  If you're annoyed, then she's probably 100 times as annoyed and just trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Answer 15

she's embarrassed

Answer 16

my son isn't there yet, but my hubby &i have already talked about that situation. our plan is for one of us to take him to the b-room and wear his bottom out.there have been times when we have told parents in the groc. store to whip their kids we wouldn't say nething. that's why its called the seat of knowledge. u learn lots from that seat.

Answer 17

define "big brat".  

Also, we do not use "whom", unless we are referring to the person in a prepositional phrase.

I'm not trying to be an English teacher or anything, it's just that whom is one of those words that really annoy me.

Okay, assuming "big brat", means that the kid was crying or throwing a fit, I will tell you.  If you parent "by the book", you ignore the child who is throwing a fit to let them know that you are not going to negotiate, or give in to their demands.  Rest assured, the mother was just as annoyed as you.  Her statement, "isn't he just the most precious thing?", is a polite way of telling you to "mind your own d**n business".  Yes, she saw, and read the annoyed expression on your face, and it was very impolite for you to be staring.  She has every right to be out in public as you, regardless of her child's actions.

Now, I may be misunderstanding the situation, especially if that is not what you mean by "big brat".

Answer 18

She's being nice :)

I'm soft on dicipline but I wouldn't say that.

Answer 19

You wouldn't understand until you ARE a mother with a disobedient child. If she disciplines him in public, people will give her dirty looks and think child abuse. It's a lose lose situation. It's a child for goodness sake, just ignore it and get over yourself.

Actually, my children (twin 3 year olds) are very well behaved in public and I always discipline them when they act up. But that doesn't mean I don't have empathy for other mothers who aren't so lucky.

Also, aren't you kind of having your own little tantrum via yahoo answers? A child is entitled to emotion and opinion just like you are, unfortunately they are too young to communicate effectively and be as eloquent and personable as you are.

LOL I am that "brat" that Charlie Girl is talking about, she was trying to keep me in line 20 years ago :-)