Are you a parent of a child with special needs?

Question

if so, how did its impact affect your:

- marital relationship?

- emotions?

- financial situation?

and

-your other non-disabled children?

Answer 1

Oh! Wow! That's a lot of information.....

Marital: for us it brought us even closer together.

Emotions: Up, down, right, left, diagonal. Every situation is different and every person handles these type things differently. As a first time mom, I really had no clue where the issues were coming from and my son, being diagnosed with Asperger's, wasn't in-your-face special needs so between my own confusion/first time mom issues and everyone saying that he was fine it was mentally draining time. As he grew older and his behaviors didn't dissappear my emotions actually got better because was validation that there was something there and I wasn't responsible. By the time he was diagnosed at age 8, I told one of the professionals it was like Christmas and I couldn't quit grinning. Finally someone could help.

Financially we were fortunate that the only real issues are his school supplies and his clothing. Because he still has many issues with wetting himself he has a ton of underwear and pants and shorts. He also eats bizarre things so things like crayons, pencils, etc. get chewed alot. We buy a lot of gum to try and offset that. He also is extremely disorganized and loses things at school alot.

The other kids in the house....number three, well, I spent and still sometimes spend much time worrying that I might miss the signs but that's about it. He didn't connect with her for a long time.

Child number two, you just have to feel sorry for him sometimes. He spent the first four years or more of his life with his mom thinking he was somehow....ummm, slow? Though my firstborn has issues they were very hard to pinpoint when he was younger and they were definitely surpassed by his amazing 'Rainman' type skills and intelligence. He understood even at 18 months directions, adult conversation, etc. He was recognizing words from who knows when....we're guessing around 12 to 18 months but he was delayed in speech so it's hard to tell....So, when number two came along and we didn't think anything was "wrong" with number one, we thought number two was just not getting it. We thought he was slow. Now we know that number one is autistic, special needs. Number two is just an average, every day child. He makes straight A's and is a top reader in his second class. He's not slow. He can definately be a punk but he's eight, that's his job.

He does suffer from the "You love him more than me" probably much, much more than other kids in the middle child spot. His older brother can't go to a public restroom alone. He can't go to the park across the street alone, he can't go to a friend's house alone. He is asked to "babysit" his big brother in alot of these situations but he still has an earlier bedtime. He also sees that his older brother needs more 24/7 than he does but he sees it as his brother receiving more love and attention than he sees it as a need.

It's a large, complex, complicated mix of love, pain, joy and anticipation but I would not change having a special needs child because it makes him him and my other children who they are. My middle child can be so compassionate and I can always count on him to be responsible, especially when helping with other children. My daughter, who regularly gets "lessons" from braniac first-born will also benefit.

Answer 2

I'm the mother of three children with special needs, the oldest is developmentally delayed, the middle daughter has a mild case of dyslexia and she has a mild problem  with concentrating.  My youngest daughter is dyslexic seriously, has processing issues and also fine motor skill issues and a non specific reading disorder not related to her dyslexia. So I've had to deal with a range of disabilites.  As for my relationships with their father the oldest two's father died of cancer almost twenty years ago. The youngest one's father is an alcoholic and he had this issue before she was born, that's the reason that we separated not her learning disability becasue he has most of the same ones that she does.  Financially if hasn't affected us as I'm disabled physically and there for her needs are taken care of under medicad and through her school.  She goes to a private school for kids with LD, since her needs can't be taken care of with in the public school system.  The same situation was true for her older sister.  The middle daughter went to a general education school with modifications.  Since all of my children have disabilities they all sympathize with each other and the oldest tries to help the youngest one as much as possible.  The middle daughter has finished high school, college and is working on her master's degree to be come an art teacher.  The youngest daughter wants to be come a psychologist and with some help she'll do it.

Answer 3

I am the mom of three special needs children: 2 with autism and 1 with PDD-NOS. Our marriage was strong when we found out about our first born. We worked hard to understand what we had to do in order for our child to get the help he needed. At age 2, our second son was diagnosed as well. This was not as hard to accept as our first son b/c we were prepared when he started showing signs of autism after we learned what to look for. Our third child who talks and plays video games is a not autistic, but has trouble with language skills.

At first, I blamed myself. I fell into depression and had a nervous breakdown for which, THANK GOD, I am fully recovered. Medication keeps me on an even keel and helps me keep a level head and on top of my game to deal with the kids illness.

Our finances took a major blow. Our insurance would only cover 50% of their therapies and the rest came out of pocket. After covering all we could, we had to file bankruptcy and endure 5 1/2 years of struggling.

Our youngest who is "normal" to some extent, didn't feel left out b/c we involved him with his brothers as much as possible. He wasn't jealous or felt left out...he WANTED to help his brothers and it comes in handy when I have to go to the bathroom!:)

After all this, our marriage is stronger than ever. We worked through a lot of things in our individual lives as well as our lives together. Prayer, counciling, and support from friends was our saving grace.

We still have days when the boys are over stimulated, but we deal with each meltdown as they come and try not to anticipate the worst.

Someone once told me that God only gives special babies to special people. I think of it like this: God must think my husband and I are pretty special to have chosen us out of all the people in all the world to raise and take care of such precious babies.

Having normal children to me seems to be more of a hastle than raising these kids. I don't have nearly the headaches of attitudes, begging, wanting the latest everything, or the 'why can't I's?'

Give yourself a break. You will see that in the end, your baby or babies will give you much more than you can ever give them in terms of love.

I guarantee it!

Answer 4

I havent got an official diagnosis for my hyperactive eccentric son yet (ADHD/Aspergers/Tourettes, not sure yet, waiting for assesment date), which makes it harder as I feel like I'm just a bad parent.  But I think I know I'm not!

I'm single ( split when toddler, nothing to do with child, father denies any problem with him(prob 'cos it's a bit of a case of like father like son!)) and don't have any energy left to concider dating or socialising.

As I work in a school, and consider myself particularly good with children with special educational needs, it can affect my confidence at work if I've have a bad morning or weekend with him.

I worry that I will not be able to increase my hours for a long time.  Had always intended to work more when he moves on to secondary school but think that it is too much for him to get to school and back on own without getting into some big trouble.  He is occasionally excluded and I have to bother other people to have him so I don't miss work (on a temporary contract at the mo and want to impress so they keep me on) but If this happens more, and it may do by secondary school unless thery figure out what to do with him, I might not be able to keep my Job.

Have wondered if I should home educate as he's fine when he's not around lots of people, but I have debts to pay off and can't afford to not work.

No other kids.

Answer 5

Marriage- first one ended in divorce. However, that was due to severe abuse and his serial affairs.

second marriage- It had no impact.

Emotions- That is difficult to qualify. I became more and more depressed. It's extremely stressful and full of anxiety.

Financially- This was extreme for me. I think it depends on the disability/disabilities that you are dealing with.

Other children- All were disabled.

Answer 6

Yes, I am the parent of several children with special needs.

It has made our marriage stronger, as well as our belief in God

It has been a benefit for my emotions, definitely the chaff has been burned away, and I'm not so self-centered, and I'm more patient

Financially is has been difficult because insurance does not cover therapy for autism, we have two kids with autism, and make too much for any government assistance. SO we've paid for everything out of pocket

My other children are awesome and amazing people, full of compassion, patience, and are willing to work hard to help other people, disabled or not.