Are you a sahm or do you work

Question

i work 2 days not because we need the money but because i need the time i have a 2yr old and 9 week old he will go at 5 months.What ever you motive or choice sah or work do you feel judged and not good enough.I go because i need time for me because i suffer with depression.Without work i would be depressed (i tried it and am a little at the mo). My question is do you feel judged and that you have to defend your choices what ever you do?

Answer 1

I work full-time outside of the home and sometimes I do feel like people are judging me for working. Like the one poster who said why have kids if you're not going to raise them?  I always response back that it's not the quantity of time you spend with your kids that matter, it is the quality.  A SAHM can spend all day in the same room as her child and still not spend time with the child.  I have a friend that tries to lecture me all the time about not being a SAHM, but she can tell you what happened on Divorce Court, Maury, Days of our Lives, Passions, Ellen, and whatever other shows are on during the day.      

Answer 2

I'm a SAHM who works.  =)  We're damned if we do and damned if we don't, so I don't care what anyone thinks of my choice.

Answer 3

I am a SAHM as I have 4 children under 5 so it would be almost impossible for me to work and afford childcare. I don't feel like I 'should' work as I think my place is in the home with the children and wouldn't feel right with someone else raising them. I do go a little crazy sometimes but I think all mums do...I do sometimes feel like I people look down on me but more because of the number of children I have and how close in age they are. I also feel like people just assume that I shouldnt want to be at home and are always asking when Im thinking of going back to work, like it's a given that I am/want to.  Money is tight but I think the kids benefit from me being at home so I feel I'm doing the right thing  

Answer 4

I defend the choices i make and i will be judged at the end of my life.

Answer 5

I work full time because I have to.  If I didn't have to, I would still probably work part-time or something, just so I have some time to myself.  Also, I wouldn't feel right if my husband had all the burden to bring home the money.  I'd have to contribute the budget somehow. The only time I feel judged is when people say things like "that's why I would never put my kid in daycare" or "I didn't have kids so someone else could raise them".  I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child.  My MIL watched my kids for years, and now I've found a wonderful home daycare center that my kids love.  There are a few rare instances that a daycare goes bad, but you never hear about the great things about daycare, only the bad stuff makes the news, you know?

Edit:  By the way, I raise my kids with the help of everyone I love and know.  In the end, my kids spend more time with mom and dad than with the sitter, so my sitter does not raise my kids.  She certainly helps me though.  See, the people who say that judge.  Also, my kids are very well behaved and have manners (except maybe my 2 year old but she's young).  I think maybe that person who made that comment needs to look and think twice before making such judgements.  Maybe those kids have crappy parents and crappy sitters, ever think of that?

Answer 6

Im a stay at home mum cos I dont believe in working mothers (full-time) I have no problem with mum's working a few hours a week, its those who drop their children off at a childminders or nursery at 7.30am and dont pick them up til after 6pm.

Why have children if you expect someone else to bring them up for you or why have them when you know you will have to work full-time to afford them, I dont see the point in having them if you abandon them all day

Maybe if parents took more of an interest in their children and stayed at home to look after them there wouldn't be all the problems with the youth of today...stabbings, ASBO's etc

Answer 7

What a question!

Any sahm is working unless her kids are filthy and her house is a wreck. She may not get a degree for it, paid in wages or geiven apat on the back every day, but it is work if you are doing it right.

Some people don't have a choice; I had to work. I stayed at home with my first son, and worked, cleaned, entertained him, and gardened, sewed for others and volunteered in a rape crisis center.

then when My son was 6 I joined the navy to make our lives better. I was away from him for almost a year, while his daddy took care of him. I felt TERRIBLE, but I did it for all of us.

Then my husband left us.  I was a single mother, and in the navy,1 0,000 miles from the US, Then I married someone else and was still in the navy. Then I got pregnant. I wanted to stay home and was promised I could, and then when I was out 6 month, My husband insisted I get a job to help pay the bills. I went back in the Navy.

We still went bankrupt.

I worked for 10 years and then he retired. Then I divorced HIM.

So, again, I was a single mom, with one grown son and a teenager.

All through those years, I felt guilty for not being at home with my children, leaving them to do my Navy duty, and When I was home I felt guilty about not making any money to help my family and not doing anything I loved (like being in the Navy)

I think you regret things either way, if you are a regretter.

If you know you are doing the best you can, under your circumstances, you don't regret anything.

Others will judge you, no matter what you do, and you have to ignore their ignorance and forgive them.You cannot please everyone.

Please yourself and do the best you can for the ones you love.

Don't bother answering to anyone else about it.  

I think being a mother of young children is a full-time job and YOu deserve time-off and to go exercise and have friends and rest, just as you would if you had a "REAL" job. Children deserve happy mothers.

Answer 8

I'm a stay at home mum  to 3 boys. I can't work due to my husbands ever changing shift pattern and there being no jobs around here that can fit in with it. I do like being at home to get the kids to school, put them to bed and cuddle my baby if he falls down but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out with frustration as i seldom get a day off! When I do, i'm constantly worrying if my husband is coping, etc. I'd love to do my nursing one day but at the moment, we'd be paying out more in child care (even with the help the government gives you) than we'd be getting in... And me working nightshifts would be totally impractical. Ah well, they'll soon ALL be in school lol!!!

I do feel judged, funnily enough by my own parents. Until recently my mum was always on my back to "not let my brain go to waste" and "do something with my life". Then she fell ill and had to spend a lot of time at home and called to apologise-she said she hadn't remembered how nice it was to be able to spread housework out over the day rather than do it in one big rush before bed. My dad never gives me a break though-he was after me to get my driving license the other day, right after I told him we couldn't pay the whole rent this month!!! Yes dad, i'll conjure up some of that money from thin air shall i? Yeesh...

Answer 9

Well i was due to return to work on monday 11th august 2008 after having a yrs mat leave. My daughter is 10.5mnths old...About 5wks before i was due to return i decided not to go bk not just cos i didnt want to but also a few probs with work messing me around. I was only returning to work just so i felt i was doing my part to the family income not that we needed the money. But since iv decided not to return i choose to get a night shift job a few nights a week after xmas and im also doing the avon books. As im not working at the moment my hubbys family were kind of shocked that i wasnt returning saying i was puttin pressure on my hubby to do extra work which isnt the case and basically hus mam hasnt worked for about 20yrs so she cant say anything. When ppl say i should work i tell them i do...Im a full time mammy and housewife and do odd jobs...I shouldnt need to explain as long as ur happy and ur family is ok then u do whats best

Answer 10

Ive always gone back to work in the evenings because like you said, i need the space and time with grown ups out of my house. I never felt judged but i always get annoyed with people asking 'well, who is looking after your children?'.... My husband of course!!! I find it so rude.

Answer 11

YES! from some Women who stay at home, And from people who don't stay at hope but pay the FULL amount out of pocket for daycare. Because I get the state day care assistants So I can WORK and NOT ne on wel-fare!

i'm married now and our income is high enouph where i could probably stay home but we have to atleast wait until We sign the papers to buy our home

---> SEE it's women like baby boy that i feel judged by So just because I DON'T HAVE ENOUPH $$ TO STAY HOME I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN HUH?!!

Answer 12

I'm a stay at home mom, and I have been for a little over a year now.  I'm 23 years old and we have a 2 year old (who will be 3 in November), and a 5 month old.  My husband is in the Navy, and since he's gone a LOT, this is what works best for our individual situation.  Our 5 month old was also born very premature and we were told that she couldn't go to daycare for at least the first year of her life.  I don't feel judged at all.  I did feel judged though when I worked full time.  All of the other moms of young children I knew were stay at home moms and they would make smug little comments like "why did you have kids if you weren't planning on raising them" and blah blah blah.  I would NEVER do that to anyone.  Everyone does what works for them.  I worked full time 60 hours a week (out of necessity - we had some MAJOR medical bills from my first pregnancy because I had to spend a ton of time in the hospital throughout the pregnancy), and after we found out we were pregnant again, I couldn't work because of what happened last time I was pregnant and our new baby ended up being born way too early anyways and had serious issues and they didn't know if she was going to make it or not, but she did and she's HUMONGOUS now (she weighs 16 lbs!), and since they told us she couldn't go to daycare, then well, here I am.  Still at home.  And really, it's a good thing for our kids because my husband is out to sea for 6 to 8 months out of the year every year.  So, there's always someone here for them.  :)

Answer 13

I am at college 4 days a week and dont feel i have ever been judged badly for doing so. I would take no notice if anyone did think badly of me for the choices i have made.  

Answer 14

im a sahm who works part time 1-3 days per week.

Answer 15

I went bk 2 work early after i had my lil girl, as i kinda missed it. After a argument with boss last week i walked out, But now i feel like people look at me & say she lives off our tax's altho my bf works full time! I am lookin 4 another job (dnt need the money its just abit of a brake) as i feel like a bit of a "drop-out" as im only 17 people expect me b on benifits & i dnt want people 2 think im just a tipical teen mom on benifits!

:)

Answer 16

I am a stay at home mom. My daughter is only 8 weeks old and I had been planning to stay at home with her for the first 3 months, then go back to work part time. Now those plans are on the back burner because she has bad apnea and stops breathing in her sleep. she is on a lung and heart monitor almost all day, which means I don't leave her. yes its hard, but I don't feel as though I have to justify my choice to stay with her, its a no brainer. I almost lost her once, I will not let that happen again just to go to some job we could get by without. believe it or not I still do get judged for this. But not only will I not put her in daycare or leave her with a sitter, but daycares won't take her BECAUSE she is on a monitor!  

Answer 17

I am on maternity lave at the moment and will be returning to work part time at the end of September.  For us it was simply a money issue - we sat down and worked out all our finances and sadly there was no way we would have been able to cope if I stayed at home.  At first I was really upset about it but now I have had time to think about it and in a way I am actually looking forward to going back.  It will give me a bit of a break from looking after my daughter and some adult conversation too! I think that as a Mum you feel judged no matter what you do.  It is part of having children, I'm afraid.  You just have to learn not to care what other people think.

Answer 18

I stay home part time while my wife works the day shift.  I work nights and every other weekend.  We felt it was the best way for both my wife and I to get to spend time with the kids and we still get to spend time with one another.

I am constantly judged for it.  They see me as "Mr. Mom", but hey I don't mind.  I defend my choice by saying that I am a kick a$$ dad who loves to be with his kids.  Don't let others make you feel bad for your choice.

Answer 19

no i work but i haven't got youngsters at home but i think if you have children then it is your choice to or not to work if you can afford not to work it is better  for the child to have you home with them, my daughter didn't work until her first child was 5yrs old, and now she has a 3yr old and works for three hours from home so the little one is not missing out. but as i said it is up to each individual what they do as long as you are happy.

Answer 20

I work very part-time, from home.  My 3 y.o. is in nursery school more hours than I work.

Do I feel judged?  Sometimes.  I often feel like a slacker for not getting out there in the workforce, especially with as hard as my husband works.  And some days I'm bored to tears and craving adult conversation - or any conversation, really, after being in the house for hours.

But you know, I could never be a full-time SAHM.  It's just not in my nature.  I love my son and enjoy every minute with him, and I'm grateful that I won't have to rush back to work after six weeks when baby #2 arrives this fall.

And yet, the time is coming - soon - when I'll need to be out of the house full-time, both for financial reasons and my own sanity.

I think most people who judge are insecure in their own decisions, or haven't experienced anything other than the choice they've made.  After being a full-time working mom with a demanding career, a part-time work-from-home mom with a relatively flexible schedule and a full-time SAHM, I can honestly say there's no right answer.  Every family is different, and every situation is different - and even "ideal" set-ups shift over time.

Answer 21

I am a stay at home mom and I do work.  It ticks me off when people think I don't work just because I don't get paid for what I do.  My work is so invaluable it can't be paid for.

And I've begun to say just that to people who say "Oh,you don't work."

They don't say it any more.  

I don't care if I am judged because I know what I do with my day and no one else has a right to regulate me.  

I do a lot of volunter work with kids and guess who I see.  I get the kids that have working parents who are chasing the almighty dollar and they are the kids that need to learn manners, and compassion for others. They have all the best toys but they are not happy.

Answer 22

I am a sahm . I have 4 daughters . I could never afford child care if i were to work , the schools have way too many holidays . I also vowed i would never work if i had kids as i remember coming home from school and my mum was never there , she worked at the local hospital and didn`t get home til after 9pm and my dad had me and my brother in bed before she got in . I hated that . I like the fact i am always here for my girls . We could do with the money we are not well of by any means but some things you can`t put a price on x

Answer 23

I am a teacher, and there are plenty other teachers that I work with who are parents. I don't feel judged that I work. I think that is better that I work than be home all the time. My parents live on the same property as me, so they are always willing to lend a hand and watch/help with our children. I am really happy that I work and I couldn't imagine my life without the school I teach at and my job.