Are you a victim of Domestic Violence.?

Question

I am a previous victim. I have been traumatized by what happened to me and to this day it affects me.The issue is still a little new in healing, I left him Feb 2007 but we share a child together, I left before I knew I was pregnant..so there has been slight communication though I have a prot order he still violated it twice.

My question is: Do you believe that after leaving an abusive relationship some people are still being abused in their own mind? Meaning, because I cant get over it even with him not around its like Im allowing myself still be abused with the thoughts of the past!?

Any victims or family of victims, please respond!

Thank you and GOD bless.

Answer 1

In therapy I have learned that many survivors have post traumatic stress disorder...it is a condition where you feel as if you are reliving the past and you are scared. It is like jumping when a door slams, running into your house and locking the door, tensing up in loud situations, walking on eggshells when you think someone is upset...the list goes on and on. I have learned that what he did is what he is responsible for and how I react is up to me. It sure isn't easy! I have learned a lot of deep breathing exercises and I know that I did not intentionally marry this man to become a victim. I am proud of myself that I knew enough to call a stop to it and to get my children out of the situation. It is because of my children that I was able to do this; they deserved better and so did I. The key here is to believe in yourself and stay strong, do not ever let anyone treat you like you are a nobody. I am proud that you left him and you should be proud of yourself too. Good for you because I know that took a lot of bravery and I know it wasn't easy. You do have it in you to live a better life, you have already taken the first step. Getting out of the situation is a start, now get into therapy or do some reading on abuse and you will gain insight that will help you with so many things in life. I wish the best in your future and just remember to stay strong. Good luck!

Answer 2

Yes, you will keep reliving it in your mind, until you can get past it. If he is breaking the PO, you need to keep having him arrested. Unfortunately, these type of men will not leave you alone, until they find another victim, and in some cases, even once they have found another, they will STILL bother you. You need to find strength from within yourself to stand up for yourself against him, using every means you have at hand. Have him arrested each time he violates, and tell him, over the phone if he calls, you REFUSE to let him keep doing this. You need to protect yourself and your child. I went thru it for 3 yrs. One day I woke up, and decided I would no longer be anyones victim, and was angry, for all he was stealing from my life, every day. Once I got mad, I told him, that if he ever came near me or my daughter again, it would be the last thing he ever did. Once he realized I was no longer in fear of him, he went away. Find strength, spend lots of time being busy with friends and family, it gives you less time to sit and dwell on him, and being afraid of him.  Join a group, go learn self defense, anything that makes you feel empowered. These men are usually insecure, and feel that abusing women makes them tough guys. See if there is a womans shelter, they usually know of groups, or even the police dept can help you find other people who have been there, that will help you move past this part of your life. *hugs* feel free to msg me anytime, I worked as a victims services coordinator for the county sheriffs dept for 5 yrs after my incident. happybunnynawt on msgr

Answer 3

Leaving an abusive relationship is the beginning of a long process of healing. February 2007 is not that long ago! I hope you are able to see just how amazing you are for surviving and making the huge decision to leave. Your child is blessed to have a mother who is so strong!

Survivors who leave often begin to see the full extent of their abuse only after they have enough hindsight to see it clearly. That new clarity can make every wound feel raw and fresh. Your child might bear physical similiarities to your abuser, which can trigger emotional memories. Those feelings are OK! You are not crazy.

When you live in abuse you alter the way you see the world. You live under a different set of rules. Adjusting back to a life where you are in control can be a bumpy one, but you're doing it!

The National Domestic Violence Helpline (1-800-799-SAFE) is free, confidential and often gets calls from survivors who have left the abuse but are still haunted by memories. They can help you find local programs where you can seek individual counseling or support groups. You are not alone in this process!

You and your son are survivors, and you are my hero!

Answer 4

Physical abuse never comes alone, it's always accompanied by verbal abuse, control, manipulation, lies and deception. I don't think one ever completely gets over being the victim of domestic violence. You will go through several different steps of recovery, the most hurtful one believe it or not, is when we start asking yourself 'why did I let that happen to me'. That is why the victim always feels a great deal of shame. This is constantly in your mind because you need to talk about it, you need to break it down and to understand it. The most important thing is that you are out of there, the most difficult part is done, you've broken the cycle, be proud of yourself for this. If you need to talk don't hesitate to email me.  

Answer 5

I am a victim. This is a rarity, but it is a reality. I am abused also. We do not have any children as yet. I am 26 years old, and we are newly married.

Answer 6

The reality is that YOU alone control your thoughts. If your thoughts still make you feel like a victim than you need to change your thoughts because if you continue to think that way than you continue to let him abuse and control you. Never allow that to happen.  

Answer 7

You are honey.  I'm a victim myself and left the relationship, he has made you think that you deserved it and trust me no one does.  If you are like I was you replay it in your mind and you abuse yourself by doing so.  Don't do it to yourself realize you have done the right thing for yourself and children.  Get some counseling and don't be ashamed

to you need to go forward and put yourself first for your children and yourself. You can beat this I have faith in you.  Good luck