Are you a woman who just never had an urge to get pregnant?

Question

I'm 23 and I have honestly never wanted a child. I didn't want to play with dolls or play house when I was little. I like kids but only in small doses and I hate when people hand me babies as I have no idea what to do... babies and I just don't connect, whereas I see most girls cuddling and cooing at them naturally and for me, I just feel emotionless. Both my mother and her own mother developed anxiety, anger and depression issues after having babies, and my mother only had me, and I was a pretty good kid. I have ADHD and I know I would make a bad mother as I need my own space and I find babies really irritating, and I can barely keep my own life organised. I do have really good connections with kids but that's more on a friend/mentor basis and not as a caretaker (I always get distracted even when they're doing something dangerous). So I'm pretty sure motherhood isn't for me. I'm scared that I'll have this terrible urge to get pregnant regardless...

Answer 1

First of all, you and I have alot in common. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age. I was always a tom boy and never played with dolls and never ever wanted children of my own or enjoyed other peoples children. However, I do have a 5year old son now and a little girl on the way. I still dont like kids, especially other peoples children. But I love my son so much, he has really taught me about love and life. I know I am not the best mom in the world, but my son loves me and says I am the best mom in the world. Thats all that matters. I think that its normal to feel like this at  23 as well. Why not enjoy your youth a while longer, could be that when the right guy comes along, you may just want to have children with him. If not, thats okay to!

Answer 2

I am 30 years old and i was the same as you. I just didnt get the whole baby thing. I always liked my life and the thought of it changing was too much. But my husband and i have been married for 7 years and last year i began to want a baby. i am now 34 weeks pregnant, and cant wait to meet her! However on the other hand i have an Aunt who never wanted children and has been very happy with her life. She is now entering her 60s and she is very content. So my advice is dont worry. If you end up wanting children it will happen naturally. Also, what they say is true....your own baby is WAY different. Trust me, other babies still get on my nerves on occasion!lol

Answer 3

Haha... I was just like you at 23... I wanted nothing to do with kids.  I had never been in the same room with one, touched one, smelled one, fed one, played with one...

As a kid I never played dolls or house or anything "girly" either and have NEVER had montherly instincts.  I don't connect with babies and I too, feel completely emotionless in reguards to them.

My Mother and Grandmother also had depression issues, and even diagnosed as schitzophrenic.  I didn't want anything to do with that.  I even went to a doctor to have my tubes tied, but they refused to do it until after I had had a kid or over the age of 27.  

I also never wanted to get married... but I met a guy, had been engaged for 6 years, and was basically told that I either marry him or it's over... I was 23 when I said my vows.

So imagine my surprise when I came back from my honeymoon and found out I was pregnant!  Double whammy!  I ended up having to leave a 6 figure a year job, my body went to c**p... and my extensive love of travel and staying up late was out the window.

I now have a little girl... I couldn't handle the idea of giving her up for adoption, and emotionally I didn't think I could deal with an abortion.  I ended up having a kid because I couldn't deal with the other options.  Horrible, I know!

And all that stuff that you hear about "motherly instinct"... yeah, it's c**p.  I didn't bond with my girl- or even want anything to do with her- until she was almost 9 months old.  I know that there were a lot of moments in her first few months that I was a horrible Mom... and selfish, and my Husband even worried for our safety (I became suicidal during and right after pregnancy).

But here it is, 4 years later, and I couldn't imagine life without her!  We finally did bond, and I have become a GREAT Mom.  Even when she's sick and needy (like today) or being a little h**l-raiser, I couldn't love another human being more.  I still get my own time and space, as I have taught her that "Mommy needs Mommy time" now and again, and she is very respectful.  But she still gets hours of love and hugs, and is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted kid. She is incredibly smart and totally capricious... but a full out blast.  Everything about her oozes passion and love of life... and I know it's cliche, but having a kid changed me.

I even found a way to go back to school and still have tons of  time with my daughter... so I did have my own time, my own space, and my own kid free life for a few hours a day.  It just meant that I slept less and worked harder.  No biggie and fully worth it.

There are still days when I wonder if I'm cut out to be a Mom  or I feel overwhelmed or just need 5 minutes for me... but I think THAT is actually normal! LOL

And I also still don't like other people's kids... and I think that's pretty normal too!

As far as having an urge or "being ready"... I don't think ANYONE's ever really ready to have kids... it does change your life... when you start getting the urge, hopefully that will be your sign that you are ready for change.  And if you have an "oops, I love you" moment like I did... just know that being a good Mom has nothing to do with instinct- you just have some things to learn, and many lessons in patience.

Answer 4

My sister is this way. She likes kids but find they are just too much of a burden. She says she just doesn't have the urge to have children. She also doesn't like to babysit and cringes anytime someone asks. She's not mean to kids and when she is around them you don't see anything out of the ordinary. Alot of ppl feel this way. Most say it is because of an event in their past which can be entirely true. If you were raised by someone that never wanted a child that influence is going to rub off on you. If you truly don't want children then don't. Make sure you take the proper precautions in preventing an unwanted pregnancy and then try to focus on what you really want. Ex. education, great career, financial stability, traveling. The sky's the limit. Make for yourself the life you want not the life ppl expect you to want and don't let anyone pressure you into a life you didn't want. No on wants a mother that didn't want them.

Good for you. Alot of women just do what society wants them to do and then end up leaving their family or being miserable. Realizing what you don't want is a first step in finding what you do want out of life.

Good luck with your journey

Answer 5

um i have ADHD and im a fine mother, so dont chalk it up to that. its fine not to want to have kids or to think that u may not be a great mother, but then again u never know, it is always different when they are urs. i LOVED babies before i had my daughter and i always wanted to hold them and things and now that i have my own kids, i still like other peoples kids/babies, but i dont get the same way i used to, and a lot of kids/babies drive me freakin crazy now!