Are you adopted? then please read..?

Question

I just have a friend whose adopted but i don't know what its like for her because she finds it very hard to talk about it.

Answer 1

1- I found out when I was 10 and my mum told me. I was shocked and upset to say the least.

2- I felt that my familyy wasn't my real family and that I didn't belong.

3- I have never found my biological family but have tried to look.

4. To be honest I did until I found out, I was told not to tell my dad that I knew and that he was the one that wanted me. My mum was pretty awful to me growing up and that kind of explained it. I loved my dad then when I was 12 yrs old he committed suicide.

5- It was only me and my older brother also adopted from a different family.

6- It isn't hard but not always easy as it is a painful situation and the not knowing why I was adopted out.

I like to share and help people and hope this was helpful for you. Everyone's story will be different and some people may have had a gr8 life with their adopted families. I however didn't. But oh well. You have a lovely day and god bless.  :)

Answer 2

I cant remember

Fine

Now and again

The family that adopted me are just as much a bio family. I love them

No, i'm not a freak show

Yeah, I am not in an AA meeting "my name is sarah and I am adopted"

Answer 3

1- I do not remember what age I was, but very very young-

2-  I love being adopted- so much that my husband and i have 2 adopted children as well

3- I have never met my birth mom, or siblings-

4-  I love my family-

5- My adopted parents have no other children

6- it is extremely easy to talk about adoption



are you interested in adopting or are you adopted yourself, or a birth mom?

Answer 4

I was adopted when I was 2 days old....told when I was 5. don't remember my reaction - just that i was happy my family was still my family

no feelings really...its like me having brown hair or blue eyes...its just who i am

never met them

probably treated better...I'm the youngest and only girl!

very

Answer 5

1.  I was told when I was either 5 or 6 years old.

2.  I hate the fact that my origin, my heritage, and everything that makes me was taken and hidden from me.  I didn't ask for that.  As a kid, I was made fun of constantly.  Being adopted made me feel even more insecure about myself.  I thought my "real" mother didn't want me,b/c of some of the reasons kids were taunting me about.

3. With a closed adoption, most of us don't even get the name of the biological mother.

4.  I have a good life, but I always felt incomplete. I also have never felt any special connection with my family.  We're not close.

5.  I don't know my biological people.

6.  I think it is easy to talk about, b/c I want people to become more educated in adoption. I want them to understand that they don't give us anything. We have no names, no medical history, and very few pieces on what the biolgocal people looked liked.  It's like a big chunck of your life is missing.  Think about your most favorite book. What if you never had a chance to read Chapter 1?  Wouldn't you be curious to know what happened?  What good is a book if you don't know the beginning of the story?

Also, thank you for asking. So many people assume they know how adoption is from watching unrealistic movies like "Annie," or the latest piece of c**p "Juno."  And pretty much every Lifetime movie about adoption is totally unrealistic.

Answer 6

I knew since I was an infant.

Differently at different stages.

www.adoptive-parenting.com/growing-up-...

I "found" my bio family just last year.

I have no relation with my adoptive family.

I don't believe I was treated different.

YES, adoption is my FAVORITE topic.

www.adoptive-parenting.com

Answer 7

1. I don't ever remember not knowing I was adopted. My parents told me about it when I was very young in a manor I could understand. And as i got older and had questions they answered them honestly and to the best of their ability. So I never thought it was something out of the ordinary.

2 &4 . I don't have a problem with it. I think it's great. I love my mom and dad and my brother. They are my family and wouldn't trade them for the world.

3. I have never met my bio parents. Never looked. My mom offered to help me find my bio mom but I didn't want to. Met one of my brothers once. But we never had the desire to stay in touch.

5.  I was never treated differently. In fact I had a closer relationship with them than my brother (their bio son) did.

6. I don't have a problem talking about it.

Answer 8

OK to answer your questions:

1. I was adopted age 8 1/2 along with my five siblings from a very small country. We are all biological siblings and got adopted at the same time. I remember feeling relieved that someone wanted all of us at the same time. Even when my older sister (they said) was to old to to get adopted. But the law stated that all siblings must stay together. Then a year or two later the adoption agency called up and said that there was another baby that was my sister. So my whole family went and got her. She was 4.

2. About this one I kind of answered it in the end of the first question. I feel relieved and satisfied that someone would take all seven of us just so that we could all be together!

3. When my family and I went to get my youngest sister we met up with my birth grandma and grandpa from my father's side along with my aunt and her family.

4. At most times I love my adoptive family. lol. When we aren't arguing and yelling at each other.

5. I am not treated differently that my adoptive sister. But I used to think that I was when I was younger. I used to think that my parents loved her more than they loved my and my siblings. There was a phase that my sister had that whenever she was mad at me or one of my other sibling that she would yell at us and tell us that if it wasn't for her we wouldn't be here or where we were because it was her who wanted siblings. I was pissed of at her whenever she made me feel guilty about being adopted.

6. It is easier and easier as time goes by. Now we talk and laugh about how it was when we were adopted. How hard it was for us to learn English. It is so much easier now!!

Good luck with your life!

P.S.I realize that this is a very long response! Sorry about that but I am very proud of how my life turned out after what I know about by birth parents. I am so proud of myself as well as my siblings for not turning how to be like them!!

Answer 9

(1) I've known as far back as I can remember (at least since age 4 or 5).  My initial reaction was to think it was cool.  (I don't know if I really understood what it meant.)

(2) I am really torn about it.  I have always felt different as a result.  I feel isolated and alone.

(3) I have just met my first mom after 36 years apart.  

(4) I like my adoptive family.  I don't really fit in with them, and I don't think they understand me much, but I like them.

(5) I don't think I'm treated differently.  But I'm not sure I'd know.

(6) No, it has historically been very difficult for me to talk about.  I've recently begun trying to articulate what it's like for me, but I've only been able to do that since finding other adoptees who report similar experiences to my own.  Prior to that, I assumed my feelings about it were unusual and one more thing that made me different from everyone else around me.

You may want to read "Being Adopted" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig.  It's a very good discussion, I think, of some of the things adoptees go through (internally).  It may help you understand your friend a bit more.

Answer 10

Yes I'm adopted...but I was adopted when I was 5 so #1 is scratched out...lol

2 - Well at first it was kinda weird...but I went to a foster home then my brothers grandma adopted us (we have diff. dads)

Then I left her house and lived across the street in a little town called tyndall..in the country. With my cousin when i was like 9.4 yrs old..lol. Then she kicked me out(due to severe phychoness of the brain... haha aka she was pregnant and thought I was gonna kill her.) Then I moved in with these people that took care of my mom when she was younger...I call them aunt kay and uncle charlie. I've known them since birth...anyways....

3 - I see my mom all the time but not my family...only my brother and my mom and my brothers fam. ( we are pretty close) My dad ditched before I was born so he's either dead or in jail...or just outta jail...I have brothers and sis. that I dont know..I just figured that out 3 yrs. ago...

4 - I like them most of the time but they yell at me way to much and make me feel like c**p...

5 - They dont have kids and they are 60...But when I lived with my brothers grandma she kinda treated my diff.

6 - and yes it is easy...I'm over the fact that my whole life has been messed up...lol

lol sorry for making you read all that

Answer 11

1. I found out at 10 years old and at first I was pissed and felt abandoned, but as time went on i realized that my biological mom did what she thought was best for me. now I am on good  terms on both my adoptive and biological families!

2. I think that adoptions are a safe alternative to a hard choice! It's giving someone a chance at life! You never know what that baby might do when they grow up. they could be the firefighter that pulls you out of a burning house or flies your plane to your vacation, or drives the bus that you ride to work! You never know what you might afect by your decision.

3.I havent seen them lately but I talk to them on a consistant basis.

4. Yes i do. they gave me a chance to make something of myself, AND put up with all the c**p that I gave them!

5. sometimes but not in the ways that you would expect.They did what they could, but now they are able to spoil my little brother. yet my adoptive parents gave me a chance that my biological family couldnt have given me!

6. It is now, but I used to not know how to deal with it and took it out on everyone else that was around me and couldn't trust anyone b/c of what had happened to me!

Answer 12

1. I've always known. I lived with foster family until I was one, lived with my adoptive family after that until I left home, although I wasn't properly adopted until I was five because my 'real' father caused problems trying to get custody.

2. I was always proud of being adopted. It made me feel special. I would always tell my friends that whereas their parents were stuck with them I was actually chosen. Pretty mean I know... but it was a long time ago.

3. I've been thinking about it. I know about some of my siblings but I may have more. But I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.

4. I love my mum and dad. They are family. I am very close with them. And with my brother. There is nothing that suggests we are not a real family. (biological family). I even look like them although I am much paler than them.

5. I am treated differently from my brother but I think that has more to do with the fact that he has aspergus syndrome and osteogensis imperfecta rather than the fact that I'm adopted. I get a lot more opportunities than he does, poor fellow.

6. Very easy. It's always been a part of my life so I find no difficulty talking about it. It's not something that crops up in everyday conversation anyway.

Answer 13

1, i was adopted at 5 weeks, given up at birth, so i had no initial  reaction

2. i feel fine about it. they had the problems, thats why they gave me up. the problems arent mine to worry about

3. i dont see them often enough. but we email and talk alot, my siblings are actually younger than my daughter, so she talks to them more than i do

4. my family was great, very much like ward and june cleaver. mom stayed home and dad worked

5. i am treated a little different. only because i am the total opposite of my family. they are very country and i am very rock and roll. they kinda think im nuts LOL! but thats ok, its what makes us different

6. its very easy for me to talk about. to me its like having brown eyes, its just me. no anger, hurt feelings, its just another part of what makes me, me.

your friend will hopefully grow into being more comfortable with it. until then, dont push her. maybe she doesnt feel its that big of a deal and there is no need to talk about it. or maybe it hurts her. either way, i would let her come to you with it.

but you are a wonderful friend to try to investigate how she feels. many would not consider doing that. it shows you care for her very much. i hope everything works out for her

Answer 14

1. My mom told me when I was around six, she said I cried alot and kept saying, "No your my mom!"

2. It bothers me alot honestly, because my Grandma adopted me. My mom had a daughter already (1 year older than me ) But she only gave up me, not the both of us so it really bothered me that she did that. Like there was something wrong with me.

3. I know them of course and I talk to my big sister and little brother a good amount but my mom and dad basically want nothing to do with me.

4. I love my grandma/mom but of course being in this particular situation it is difficult.

5. Well haha I think so

6. Not really, esp when people want to talk about my birth mom because I hate thinking about how much she dislikes me for no reason.

Answer 15

1.I was around 3 years, as far back I  can remember I’ve known I was adopted.

2.I don’t have a problem with being adopted, I never felt like I didn’t fit in with my family. It was just a part of who I was, just like I knew since I can remember that I was mixed raced.

3.I have never meet any genetic family.

4.I love my family and wouldn’t trade them for anything. We have differences but we have similarities too.

5.If I was treated differently at all it had to do with the fact I was the only girl, I was a daddy’s girl. I was also the youngest. Not that I was adopted.

6.It does not comes up in daily discussion, however the times I have talked about it I’m fine.

Answer 16

1-2 i knew the whole time but i dont remember much about my reaction, because i was two when i was adopted.  i knew WHAT was going on, i just didnt quite get it.

  3- ive never met my biological father (not even the foggiest clue who he was or is) and my biological mother died when i was two.  thats why i was adopted at age two.

  4- i LOVE my family.  they raised me just as well as they raised their biological kids.  i was adopted by my uncle, who is now my father, and his wife.  so my cousins became my brothers, and yeah.  it worked out.  my mother knew she was going to die and wanted me to stay in the family and so my uncle and his wife offerd to adopt me.  they became my mom and dad and the rest is history.

  5-  im treated just the same as they are.

  6-  its difficult to talk about WHY i was adopted (its hard wondering what my life would be like if my biological mom was around) and its difficult explaining how my uncle became my dad and all that, but i have no shame or anything like that in being adopted.

Answer 17

1.  I found out as soon as I was able to start understanding.  My parents were great about telling me.  My initial reaction-I was so little I don't remember what it was.

2.  I feel great about being adopted

3.  I do not know who my biological parents and or siblings are. But if I was to ever meet them (I have put in on my behalf that I am looking if they are) I would only like to tell them 'THANK YOU', for their unselfish act and for giving me the best life a girl could ever ask for.

4.  I was adopted by the worlds most outstanding two people.

5.  I as well as my older brother, (he was not my biological brother), were adopted.

6.  It is very easy for me to talk about now, there was a period, somewhere around when I was about l3-l4 that I did'nt want anyone to know, but I figure that was cuz it was when I was going thru the stage of puberty, etc. and didn't want any of the other kids to look any differently at me!  Now, i''m proud to say I am adopted!

I hope my answers have helped u in understanding what adopted children, well at least this adopted child, thoughts were and are about their life.  Good Luck in Yours.

Answer 18

1.) I have known that I was adopted since I was old enough to remember  and was always told that I was "special" because of it.  I never thought any different.  Almost thought of it as magical as a child.  

2.) I feel so Lucky to have been given the life I have been given.  

3.) I met my biological mother  and sister for the first time about 3 years ago. I have never met the other brothers.  My birth mother showed up at my door step without warning.  I was in shock.  We talked, hugged, and she made comments of having us over at some point to meet the rest of her family and then I only heard from her through a couple of very cold letters, so I let it go.  I still send a Christmas card each year but don't bother her at any other time.  

4.) I love the family that adopted me.  They are  my family and my life.  

5.) My parents adopted both my brother and I.  My brother was adopted as a baby from a different Mother.

6.) It never has bothered me to talk about.  If my birth mother had been able to keep me, she would have but she felt it best to give me away to someone whom she felt could care for me in a way she couldn't.

Answer 19

My fraternal twin sister and I were adopted many years ago(58yrs) when for whatever reason ( of which I don't know) people didn't talk and discuss adoption openly. I had things said to me by other kids in school when I was growing up about being adopted, but the fact was never confirmed and the identity of the birth parents revealed ( through gossip) until we were 21 yrs. old. I didn't feel any different than any other child, but I was always curious about the reason for the adoption.  It turned out that the birth mother already had five other children and almost died when we were born so originally we were going to stay with this couple ( who had no children of their own) until the birth mother got better.  But as time went on a decision was made that the couple was going to adopt us.  My adopted mother was a bit insecure (she never stated that, I just came to observe the fact) and worried if we knew our birth parents we would love them and not her.  I met my birth mother when I was 34yrs old.(my sister didn't have any interest in meeting her) I knew her for 22yrs before she passed away.  I never felt the emotional connection to her as a mother, but was able to learn alot of details about the adoption and similarities (physical and personality) we had in common.  I told my birth mother and my adopted parents that God planned for my whole life before I was born.  My adopted parents couldn't have children and my birth parents (who split up about 3-4yrs after our birth) were unable to care for us with their  5 other children.  We had a more stable family life with our adopted parents than we would have had if we wouldn't have been adopted.  I also met 3 of the five other children (all boys, the other 2 boys died as toddlers)   I have come to realize that everyone invovled in an adoption looks at it from a different perspective.  Of course the birth mother remembers carrying the baby and giving birth and the adopted parents live all the joys and sorrows raising a child which makes for a strong bond. If there are older children in either family they remember the birth of the baby, whether it is a sister or brother.  And the adopted child if adopted as a baby only remembers what they live.  It is a nice situation if all invovled realize everyone one had a part, whether small or large, in the life of the adopted child, but as so many other situations in life, it's usually not that simple.

Answer 20

1 I have always known.  My parents must have told me before I really even understood what they were talking about.

2 Since I know no other way of being, existing...I think I'm very comfortable with the situation.  Good thing too, since I had no say in any of this.

3 I was very curious about my bparents but never wondered much beyond them.  After searching, I feel very sorry for my bparents.  Although my adoption was their idea, they are ashamed, uncomfortable, and unresolved with it.  I don't like my bparents at all.  I am glad they were smart enough to realize and admit that they were not parent-material.  Bsibling has no people skills, thus it is very hard to maintain any sort of a conversation.  Some other bfamily members are lovely and interesting.

4 Since I grew up knowing no other family, I have always just accepted the family I got.  Actually, I could not have chosen a better family even if I'd had a crystal ball.

5 My aparents had no biological children.  I never could detect any difference in the way I was treated from the rest of my family...grandmothers, aunt/uncles, etc.

6 I am very comfortable talking about my adoption.  It has actually come up in the grocery store line...you see a child who doesn't "match" the adults he/she is with, a magazine cover mentions something relevant, etc.  Although adoption was never a secret in my family, we did not go around bragging about it and collecting accolades as seems to be the norm nowdays for adoptive parents.  On the other hand, my bparents lived this as a deep, dark secret until I found them.  They were horrified to be found and have their secret revealed.

Answer 21

Frog,

1.  9 years old; big deal

2.  my life is not defined by it; i am who i am regardless of what is on a birth certificate.

3.  yes, i see both sides of my bio families (they hunted me down).  maternal side loves it; paternal side -- his kids have a few issues with it but i don't blame them.  

4.  LOVE my adoptive family and still grieve the loss of my parents 20 years ago.  We were like any other family with arguments and christmas; birthdays and vacations; got grounded but also got a car . . .just like any other kid in any other house on any other block in any other city

5. My parents didn't have any bio kids; my brother was adopted off an indian reservation 7 years earlier; however the rest of the family -- NEVER treated us differently; apparently, i was brought home the same day my cousin was born and the story is that gramma was going back and forth welcoming both kids into the family.  She was just as excited about me as she was about my cousin.  To this day, although my parents are deceased, i am still in close contact with the rest of the family.  Our adoption is not an issue and i was never introduced as the "adopted" kid.  I was just my parents kid..PERIOD.  no different than anyone else in the family.

6.  Very easy -- someone has to speak up for the vocal majority that isn't weak, needy or feels they need to heal from anything.  I am whole and I am me.

If she doesn't want to talk about it, it could just be that she doesn't have any issue with it.  however, if and when she does want to talk about it -- Don't Judge; don't tell her who her REAL parents are (that's a subjective word that can only be defined by the person); don't pressure her to search or not to search -- just listen.