Are you afraid of your spouse?

Question

I love my husband so much. And Im willing to do everything for him. But we have are so different in many ways, He grew up in the states, I grew up in the Philippines. He is a muslim and Im catholic. Theres so many different things that sometimes we argue about. But as a wife, Im tyring so much to compromise and try to think the way he do to avoid conflict and arguments. But sometimes Im just really stupid that I make actions that I dont think he would mind, but for him is a big deal which cause a fight.

My mistakes is due to my stupidity. I make mistakes but my actions and my thoughts are innocent. I think of myself like a kid who do stupid stuff but doesnt know its wrong.

Because of this fighting, and my husband punishing me and hurting me and "teaching" me a lesson makes me afraid of him. Im scared of him but I love him. Im wondering if its only me who feel this way.

Recently while my asawa is out, I gave my guy friend a call because he just move back in san diego(where i live) from arizona, so i decided to welcome him back. WHen I told my husband about it, He got so mad and didnt come home and when I pick him up and got back home, he remove his wedding ring and flatted it with a hammer and gave it to me. ANd said,one more mistake and im gonna divorce you.Im hurt, i dont want to lose him. I want to hurt myself for being stupid. But at the same time im afraid of him. But I still run to him and beg him not to leave me.

SO sad. =(

Plus I have no family and friends here. I have a girl friend in l.a. and vallejo and that guy friend. thats it.

Answer 1

Make one more "mistake." Call your local women's center and go see someone there. Tell them the whole thing. You're married to a man who enjoys the feeling of being all-powerful. He's screwed up mentally. He will NOT stop this. Not likely at all. He's not "punishing" you to make you better. He's beating on you because he likes beating on you. If you made no "mistakes" he would still find something. You will never make him happy. It's not your job to make him happy. That's his problem. Don't imagine this is because he's Muslim. Women have a subservient place in Islam. (Catholicism, too, to some extent.) But Islam isn't license to be insane.

Believe this. You CAN have a good life and a good man. You will have to learn how. The women's center can help you, both to find yourself and to escape this monster.  

Answer 2

You need to cut your losses now and divorce that IDIOT!  There is no reason for him to act that way, and sounds like he is the one acting like a child.  

You try to make him happy by changing the way you act, but nothing seems to ever be good enough for him.  I'd pack my bags and go stay with your friend that just moved back from Arizona... or anyone else but him.  

Tell him he doesn't know how to play well with others, so YOUR taking your toys and going to play with someone else that DOES!

ML

Answer 3

your husband is being abusive to you. that means he likes to hurt you for no good reason, just because it makes him feel big.  you did nothing wrong, you are a good wife and you are not stupid. he is mean and bad and likes to hurt you. leave him now before he gets worse. in the united states women are not supposed to be afraid of their husbands, but in some cultures they are. my husband never does things like this to me. it's very hard because you have no family here. next time tell him you did nothing wrong, and this in the united states and if he hurts you again you will go to the police. if he hits you go to the police. it is illegal in this country.

Answer 4

What do you think?  if he leaves he leaves why hold him back he is just testing you to see what you would do.  there is so much you can do in the states.  Try calling your guy friend and ask him if he could help you out. he might be someone different.  or even your friends if they are your best friends they will help you. but one thing just be careful and hope you make the right choice and listen to with your heart. Take care and may god guide you with lots of prayers even on your lowest day or if you fall down to your knees. make sure you get back up and be brave.

Answer 5

Your married a Muslim, what did  you expect? Our cultures are incompatible. Why is he not adjusting to you in some things? For him you are a possession like a cow or camel. Get out while you can, because the later you leave it the more difficult getting out will become. Or stay there and live in fear like a slave, for the rest of your life. But think. You only have one life and this is it.  

Answer 6

First off if your married. You shouldnt be picking up any male friend. It just leads to more problems

Answer 7

The world can be very enjoyable.

You've been imprisoned. It's likely he'll not change.

Sweetheart, there are so many men who would give the world to have your love. Find that person who cherishes every moment with you.

However, take your time. Plan your escape. Hap-hazardly running away can leave you homeless and pennyless. Talk to a women's shelter counselor. Research when you can on the internet.

Answer 8

you're already in America. so do what everybody else does, dump him and get a new one.   my contact info is :   [e-mail]         >>>let's get married<<<

Answer 9

Quit blaming yourself for your husband's ridiculous ways. Find a job and leave him.

Answer 10

Sorry but you know what people say about Muslim men, the vast majority are jerks. They think they own women. I dont care how many thumbs downs I get, Im talking the truth. They are the biggest woman opressors on the face of this earth, let's be frank.

Honey find someone who respects you.

You deserve it.

Answer 11

Leave him he don't love you and stay with your friends. If you don't one day he going to hurt you with that hammer. And you not stupid so stop saying that. Go get help NOW if he want to leave let him leave please.

Answer 12

that is really sad. i'm pinay and totally understand you.some men are like that.it doesn't matter what religion you are in. his leadership has a definitely wrong meaning. i think you are in a co- dependent relationship.

you need to talk to a counsellor or a pastor. someone qualified to talk

about your situation.bec. i'm afraid this temper might escalate into something more serious where you might be badly hurt or even cost

your life. a wife is supposed to be loved by the husband as he loves himself.a wife is to submit to the husband. that's what the bible says.

and i think that you are doing this already but that doesn't mean you're a slave to. a good husband makes sure that his wife is happy and vice versa.

Answer 13

  It's hard to give up on someone you love, but he will never get better.  The whole wedding ring bit is horrible.  There is nothing cute about a guy acting like a melodramatic teenage girl with the aggression of a loser.   Don't keep him and don't have children with him.  That love you have for him will die when he keeps acting like this.  I think the worse part would be trying to accept that he is never going to be sorry for the hurt he has caused you.  Don't try to understand him, he's not acting like a human being (well, maybe he acts like one often enough to charm you into staying).  Just leave him, lean on your friends, and then read up on abusers (verbal ones) on the internet.  You will never feel free if you stay with him.

Answer 14

you hubby is acting a bit over he top if you ask me .  i mean what the heck with his wedding ring? i respect my hubby but no i am noe scared of him . sorry tohear this but i think he should understand your differences in culture than forcing you to accept his and what not . some muslims married arent even allowed to look at other men or talk about it . that is just way outdated if you ask me .  

Answer 15

Muslim or not, he is abusive.

Go to a domestic violence center for advice and support. Leave as soon as you can.

Men like this rarely, if EVER change.

If you stay, you will change. You will become ill, physically and emotionally. He will kill you inside, slowly.

Answer 16

no i'm not that would be  ridiculous.

your husband IS A JERK...

I'd like to teach him "a lesson or two",

pull yourself together and get out , leave the b*****d behind.

His muslim ways are, ...not uncommon for muslim men. I'M NOT SAYING ALL MUSLIMS are like that!!!!! ...

just leave, go find some help somewhere, and leave him.

PACK UP YOUR STUFF WHEN HES NOT HOME AND GO TO THE GIRLFRIENDS PLACE., AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER ON HIM FORBIDDING HIM TO COME NEAR YOU!!

Answer 17

sweety i wish I could give you a big ole hug.You need to do something fast,your husband has an anger problem and you are feeding it.We are all different,and hes not perfect.Don't let someone talk down to you and make you feel stupid because your not.We all make wrong decisions and dumb mistakes but that makes us grow.You are human ,not stupid .Please find someone you can talk openly too and tell them what you just told us.No one and i mean NOONE has the right to make another person feel bad.