Are you an INTUITIVE SOCIOLOGIST, if so can you answer this for 10 points ?

Question

Hello. In case you don't know the story. My friend met this guy, and

he moved in after only 30 days. Things got worse. This man started

checking her emails, and cell phone messages. She became depressed, and started smoking cigarettes again. Then she was told

that she could not talk to me anymore. This was during an altercation

they had over my influence to her as a woman. He grew jealous, and

tried to intimidate her. Now she has no life. They do go to the same

university. And she can only go as far as her job. He is from Africa.

And may be trying to get a green card, or money through her.

What do you think ? How is she feeling about her situation right now ?

Do you see her breaking up with this man before this year is over ?

Answer 1

How many times have you posted this same story now? I have a strong urge to report you. This is really annoying.

Answer 2

MMM... it sounds like you might be interested in her. i, as a girl, woman (or whatever you want to call it), just came out of the same situation. it is a hard thing to get over. i was in a relationship for about 11 months where this guy, also (almost from dAY 1) checked up on all my msg's, and this was my first real bf, and deleted all my msg's from all my highschool friends. you have to tell her that she is not alone, and that there are allot of other people who care for her. believe me it's hard if you dont have friends. because of this idiot.  besides the point. c he's is gonna make her believe that he is the only one who REALY cares. you have to open her eyes and tell her that there are alot of other respectful people. You also have to tell her that it is not ok for him to read and delete her msg's(thereby deleting her friends figuratively in a subtle manner)only if she decides its not ok to be mentally abused by a jealous person, can she , with your help, change her circumstances. i hope this is the answer you were looking for.  

Answer 3

She sounds like a complete fool if she is letting this man control her.. that, or she likes it in some masochistic way.

She'll either break up with him(if she's smart), or marry the d**n guy...

Answer 4

you should try to help her

Answer 5

Dove......  you sound desperate and a bit hurt that this woman has chosen this other guy instead of you.. It appears that this other guy isn't to good of a man for her according to you... You should simply just tell her how you feel in an honest and sincere fashion like a gentleman and let it go from there... You have to respect her choice of how she wishes to live her life.  If she chooses still to continue on with the other guy then so be it , there is little you can do about it , in fact nothing you can do actually..  You obviously have strong feelings for this woman but sometimes things like this are what creates and makes the man in you... We dont always have it our way and we have to learn to adjust to that.  Let her go guy , you have a whole lifetime and three billion other women who are probably more worth persuing than this particular woman...

Answer 6

Well, I wouldn't call myself "an INTUITIVE SOCIOLOGIST" - or any other kind of a "sociologist, for that matter - but I'll try to help as best I can.

I am guessing it is possible that this man is from a culture in Africa where the male dominates totally, and is trying to impose his native social conditions on his relationship with this girl, here.  Or, it could be possible that he is a suppressive control-freak and his obsessive domination of this girl has nothing whatsoever to do with culture and customs.

In either case, it is clear that part of his domination strategy is to isolate her from all other outside contacts.  This can be a very dangerous precursor to serious - even potentially deadly - domestic abuse.

As to how SHE is feeling, well, that would depend on her individual personality.  A girl who grew up with the usual degree of social freedom common in our western culture is bound to be feeling trapped, hemmed in, confined, and personally suppressed to at least SOME degree.

Depending on her own personality, she may either be contented to trade her personal freedom for the pseudo-protection and imagined security of a strongly dominated relationship, or she may feel totally trapped and be frantically desperate to get out of it - or any gradient in between.

YOU know her, so YOU would be more likely than me (or anyone else here on Yahoo Answers) to know just where on that scale of possibilities her feelings and reactions would lie.

As to her likelihood of breaking up with him, THAT would depend on at least two factors:

1. Time - how long has this been going on?  You said he moved in with her after dating for 30 days, but how long have they been living together?  The longer it has been, the less likely she is to break away from him - partially because the longer we live with a situation, the more familiar it becomes and the more easily we come to accept its routines, and partially because that kind of domination is bound to be steadily eroding away her spirit and whatever strength of will she would need to break away from someone like that.  

If it has been a significant amount of time, I would guess it is safe to say that if she really were going to break it off, she already would have.

2. Strength - her own personal strength of will.  How strong-willed a person was she before all this got started?  As I mentioned in the above paragraph, that strength is being steadily chipped-at and eroded away every time she is prevented from doing something she would have normally done but can't now - like going to parties and socializing with friends. Any time this situation disallows her the right to make and live by her own simple day-to-day life choices, it is weakening her will and her resistance.

I don't know how effectively he has succeeded in isolating her from outside social contact - or if an attempt on your (or anyone else's) part to break through and contact her might put her in danger of domestic violence - but whatever the effect on her, it cannot be good.  If you can find a way of contacting her without compromising her safety, I would suggest that you do so ASAP.

Answer 7

ok!!

Answer 8

she needs the strength to move on this is not love

Answer 9

Hmm,,, lets evaluate this thing... women in african cultures are more submissive then in American Cultures... It is often the way the way of their culture for women to stay at home and for men to be the main provider... also they are Matrilinial when it comes to their family  structure, and if she doesn't have a strong family near, her party life is dead.. because the male would expect for her to associate with family more than friends.

I don't have enough information about her situation to determine a break up .....or ......enough on her family background to make an educated guess about her feeling.. but I can say that she is definitely experiencing something new...