Are you friends with an ex that cheated on you?

Question

I mean why would you wanna be right? Just curious to know if my logic meter is slightly off...my ex emotionally cheated on me, lied to me about it (knew she was lying - had to tell her who told me before she would be honest about it), begged for my forgiveness - I gave it, 6 months later left me for that same online guy after we had, what is now, a stupid argument, and then 2 weeks after that got engaged to him. She sends me an IM saying she would like for us to be "friends"???? I didn't even know how to respond to that, so I haven't. Does not make any sense at all to me. Is there something I'm not seeing here?

Answer 1

You're not missing a thing. If you respond to her in any way, it is like giving her an open door to continue the conversation. You tell her no we can't be friends. She asks why not. You try to explain to her why not. Then she has something else to say, and you say something, blah blah blah. I say nip it in the bud and don't respond to her at all. Maybe she'll get the picture and go quietly.  

Answer 2

sounds like you got ur head screwed on straight but it takes a better person to remain friends w/ her . I am in the same situation only she went much further than emotional the divorce papers werent even filled out and she accepted his preposal so I truly love and care 4 her so when she needs A TRUE friend when things begin to fall apart I will be there but I AM NOT A DOORMAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nor should you be either  GODSPEED Brother

Answer 3

It seems your ex is not faithful at all.  If she was, after being engaged, she would leave you alone.  She seems to like attention and hates the fact that you have moved on, perhaps.  

I would never be friends with my ex who cheated on me, only because anyone who cheats on you has no respect for you and why would I want a friend who doesn't respect me?  My husband said the "let's be friends" c**p to me, but I know he doesn't love me and he doesn't respect me that to me is an empty request.  It's probably to make them feel better about their disloyalty.

Answer 4

why would u even want a friend like her anyway?best to cut all ties, she only wants u as a friend just in case things don't work out with her new love. friends don't do these kinds of things to u.keep your dignity and cut all ties with the cheater.

Answer 5

h**l NO, thell that b***h to be freinds with your middle finger and get over herself.

Answer 6

No "cheating ex" deserves to get the title of "friend" in my eyes.  And it does make sense to me, a woman will cheat and want to be your friend, but when a man cheats, look out, she'll call you every other name in the book.  I'm with you, don't even reply to her "friends" suggestion, I wouldn't, let her be friends with her new guy.  And think of it this way,,,if she cheated on you, she'll cheat on him with some other guy, so if you send her any kind of text back to her,,,,send her a "Thank You" message,,,,thank for you getting out of my life and let someone else deal with your problems  

Answer 7

That's so strange, your ex is posting q's as well! I got deja vu when I read this:

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Answer 8

I did, yes, but from a distance... he had cheated, and I moved out of state.    When I found out, he stated that "I would never leave you for another women"  (me as the jerk in reserve, in other words).  And all I could say was, "I am leaving you for no one."

We were on vacation, so when we got back to the states, the house went up for sale, I bought another house in another state, and in 4 months everything had been split.  He filed the papers.  And in August of the following year it was final.  We agreed to keep some things in mutual accounts--we opted to have no kids, and neither of felt a need to include siblings as long as neither of us married....., so we did e-mail, and even discussed the re-entry into the dating world again.... I guess we opted to remain friends.  In July of the following year he was killed.  I am sorry for his parents.  I never wanted to be married to him again... betrayal is not something that ever heals, so that wasn't an option.  But he was a bright, interesting, and sometime a bit crazy a guy, hugely intelligent, interesting,  and educated.

Maybe it is that we can never have enough friends??.... I did tell him that if he ever needed me to care for him, I'd be there, no matter what.

Maybe everyone is different... I stayed angry, and when one does that, it is easier to avoid sadness.  

Does that make any sense?

Anyway, truly I believe being partnered is better than flitting from one flower to the next, so I do now live with another interesting, hugely intelligent man, who I adore.  One can wallow in one's sorrow, or drink in life.... it is, I guess a personal matter.  We were married 18 years.

Answer 9

I haven't had that experience, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would never, ever be friends with someone who betrayed me.

The betrayal would completely annihilate any other basis there may otherwise have been for a friendship to be intact.

I think you did the right thing in refusing to respond to her request to be friends. It was a stupid question. There's no way I'd dignify it with an answer. Don't let her manipulate you into continued contact. You don't have to respond to any questions or comments she makes whatsoever. Break free.

Answer 10

men who have cheated on me..don't get any more of my time or attention..they are all losers...

Answer 11

Yes, you are missing the mind of p**s-Ants who think they can wrong you, you forgive them because they know you love them madly and you will then stay friends so they can p**s on you again in life. It is a scenario that has been played out through out time. IT IS JUST YOUR TIME TO PUT A HALT TO THIS ONE. No, unless you have children to be civil around....there is absolutely no reason to keep a cheating EX-spouse hanging around as a so called friend. First of all, friends should be loyal individuals that you CHOOSE. Not someone who will choose you because they know they can play on your weakness for them. And be honest with yourself only. THE WEAKER YOU ARE FOR A PERSON WHO DOES YOU WRONG...THE FASTER AND FURTHER YOU NEED TO BE AWAY FROM THEM FOR LIFE. The best way I found to punish my EX was to remove his best friend from him....ME.

Honey, go live your life and do not let any one choose who you should remain friends with. Remember Polonius to Hamlett: THE FRIENDS THOU HAST, AND THEIR ADAPATION TRIED. GRAPPEL "THEM" TO THEY SOUL WITH HOOPS OF STEEL; BUT, BEING IN, BER' IT THAT THE 'OPPOSED' BEWARE OF THEE. It means friends that have shown loyality..gather them to your soul and even then, beware that even some of them will oppose you...beware of them.  

Answer 12

You don't need to be thier friend or enemy, just keep a distance. It's more important when there's kids involved, but if you don't have any kids, there's nothing wrong with moving on and leaving them behind, again remember that they were the one to hurt you and while they were doing what they did they didn't care of the consecuenses. You need to take care of yourself, for you.

Answer 13

MY EX CHEATED ON ME ONLINE AND BECAUSE WE HAVE 22 YRS HISTORY I AM FRIENDS DISTANT BUT FRIENDS..ITS PAINFUL THOUGH,,LOTS OF PEOPLE SAY LET IT DIE AND LET HIM GO 22 YRS IS JUST YRS BUT DANG. ITS TOUGH CUZ I DONT WANT TO BE THE EX CALLED THE B$%#...BUT HE DOES DESERVE IT...BUT I SAID I FORGIVE I JUST DONT TRUST HIM ENOUGHT TO RETURN..SO I THINK ITS A CASE BY CASE SCENARIO WHAT YOU CAN LIVE WITH ...