Are you involved with someone who has Herpes 2? ?

Question

How do you deal? Are you grossed out or scared? Do you view that person as "damaged goods?" Should I abandon all hope of finding someone who will accept me despite the fact that I have it?

Answer 1

Here's my story. I was the one with herpes and I called myself damaged goods, but my husband accepted it. I chose to wait to have s*x until the wedding ring was on my finger and he kissed the bride. I would have felt like I had to stay in the relationship if I'd given it to him and then wanted to break up with him later (before the wedding).

Here's the rest of my story, hope it helps!

If you have your priorities in order, have done some soul searching, know what you want in a long lasting relationship, and are ready to get married, you will do fine.  Herpes can act as a filter to keep away those who don't truly want a long lasting commitment.  

For me, it promoted a maturity that was necessary to deal with my future, as I truly believed I had none. I did some heavy soul searching and changed the 'type' of guy I was dating. It made me ready to settle down, and find a comfortable relationship with trust that could withstand the test of time. Rather than needing to keep dating and have fun (not s*x fun - I had only been with one person when I got it from a violent situation. I had dated lots though!)

Here's my story, I hope it helps.

I have been married for 17 years now to a man who had only one other sexual partner. We have two children and he has never shown any symptoms of hsv. I was entirely honest with him, and we waited until a month before our wedding to consummate (have s*x)the relationship. That was my choice.

Though I was open with him, I told him in the dark so I wouldn't have to see his expression. He thought about it (I don't even remember if is answer was immediate or not), and said that it didn't matter. I feared the answer to many other questions about whether he meant he didn't need s*x; how we would get pregnant if we used condoms; and even wondered if he knew something I didn't. I called myself 'damaged goods'. I also hoped he would research the topic before consummating the relationship. I am sure he did, as he is a VERY smart man.

You see, as emotionally painful as finding out I had hsv was, it was actually a blessing for me in the end. I was living life for the now, and unable to make a commitment to marriage until this vd caused me to sit down and be honest with myself about my values and what I wanted out of life. I was twenty five or so and still single, moving from one long term relationship to another... all ending the same way. I entered counseling and reevaluated what was really important in a relationship. I haven't slept around, but was under the false impression that men who had had many encounters were s**y... I wish someone had told me about the statistics.

One thing that was truly wonderful, was that when he told me it didn't matter to him, I knew in my heart that this relationship would be FOREVER. No cheating, no divorce, no dating again, or remarriage.... that was one loving commitment he made to me. He is truly the man of my dreams (and logic).

There are two types of the virus and you can get either one in either place. I already had Type 1 (oral), but when Type 2 entered my body, I developed flu-like symptoms along with the outbreak.

At first I took acyclovir faithfully to avoid transmission, but my sweetie told me to quit taking it after a couple of months. I had a lot of outbreaks, and when I had one, I just asked him to wear a condom. After a couple of months he said that if he was going to get it, just let it happen.

I also remember some point in the first year that my husband developed flu-like symptoms. I told him that it could be hsv, and he just told me to stop worrying. But even then, he didn't have an outbreak and never has had. Although my hubby has never had an outbreak, I'm sure he has to be a carrier of it.

Like I said, we have two beautiful children, (who by the way will be more resistant to the virus since theyy have acquired my antibodies to hsv while in the womb) and we have unprotected oral and regular s*x. The only time hsv can cause serious birth defects is when someone contracts the virus in the late stages of pregnancy. I had two c-sections, but for other reasons though. It actually was a relief to me- just out of caution.

Many of my questions were answered in time. He has an incredible s*x drive and our bedroom activities ARE important to both of us.

Email me if I can help in any other way!

Answer 2

Relationships are hard - with or without Herpes, it is just one factor out of many.  When you find the right person, HSV2 won't matter.  I just got married this month. :-)

Answer 3

herpers is very common in todays world and if you control it by taking pills for it, it's not an issue with people who are aware of it.

If you meet someone who get freaked out by it, just explain what it's about and then it's their choice.

Don't take it too personally if they don't like it..when you meet someone nice who truly cares about you, they won't mind at all.

I have herpes and hiv and got married for the second time now.. It's only about the fact how you deal with it.

Answer 4

The Valtrex commercial make the herpe people look cool.  If I found out a guy I was dating had it I would break up cuz if we had a baby it could come out blind and lame.

Answer 5

My boyfriend doesn't care. I have told other men too, and they haven't cared.

People are so uneducated! Look at the girl who says she wouldn't date a man with it because their babies would be blind and lame. Complications with herpes are incredibly rare, and nearly always restricted to women who catch it in the later stages of pregnancy. My sister has it too and has three healthy babies born by vaginal delivery.

If you explain it in the right way, only complete hygiene freaks are going to run. I normally explain it is like cold sores on the mouth, which 8 out of 10 have. I also tell them their chance of catching it if we use protection would only be about 2% a year, and without any protection only about 5-10%. I explain that 25% of all women have it, 50% in some places (like New York). That it isn't life threatening, is just a bit annoying but nothing else, and doesn't do you any harm - just like a cold sore. All that generally works. The problem is that most men haven't a clue, they just think it is something nasty. A bit of information normally does a world of good.

My boyfriend has a previous long-term girlfriend with herpes hsv-2. He never caught it - although they had unprotected s*x for several years. I caught genital herpes from him, but I caught genital hsv-1 from the cold sores he had had since he was a kid. He doesn't care. I struggle with it, but he doesn't care a bit and we have a normal, unprotected sexual relationship.

Only **** men are going to run. See it as a weedkiller.