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Question

The Unloading Zone

Why do I do the things that I do

Proving what and why to who

Idiotic steps with two left feet

Yes I get it yet still repeat

What is it that scares me so

What am I afraid to show

A flaw stashed inside of me

Crystalline light I can’t see

How can I please those that care

How can they be so unaware

Why does life seem so pathetic

Did I create it or is it genetic

How can the answer be so elusive

Why am I so self abusive

Hanging on by silken threads

Extracting reasons from my heads

Am I in fear of succeeding

Only content when I am bleeding

Destined to my mental seclusion

Outside help I’m always refusing

There has to be more than this

I know that there is some bliss

Internal peace to help me cope

Please help me find some hope

rad030702

Answer 1

OUCH!!!

Dark, weighty....questions which are impossible, at best, to answer.

Lighten it up...throw in humor in the most unlooked-for places, and 'show', don't 'tell' the reader....let them decide what your meanings are....let them use their noodle...you've used yours!

Now, the most vile word in the poets' language...REVISE!!!

Answer 2

In my opinion, IT works, BUT the line that offers the most impact is....."Proving what and why to who"

Just my 2 "scents"

still as much "DOC"

Answer 3

Actually I believe I do a little of both!!

Unique Poem!!! Cheers !!