Are you more judgemental than you like to believe?

Question

Inside I feel like quit a nice person. I am open minded and accepting, but if I acknowledge some of the thoughts I have about people I realise I am really quite nasty and judgemental. You know when you look at a picture, even of someone you really like, and you think they look, dare I say it 'ugly.' I don't fancy fat people, or black people (and that is not saying I don't like them, I just find them physically quite unattractive). I feel awful about it though.

Or what about when you get a present and your instant reaction is of embarrassment because you don't think you like it? I feel so bad I don't like opening presents in front of people so I don't have to face my feelings.

Answer 1

probably - even though I have been examining my judgements minutely for over thirty years.

Sometimes however I feel those judgments are made up of old introjected values taken in from outside that are like the rump - the shadow  of external judgments. I see thoughts that are not mine but come more from the trashy gutter press newspaper comics - they cross my mind and I am quite shocked that they are there yet I don't believe in them.  When I think about it logically - I don't believe these things and they are the last vestiges waiting to be binned.

So I do think that we might be shocked by old habitual  stuff clogging up the works.

What I do now to check out where I really am up to is to try to say exactly the same thing in a neutral voice - if it stands up to this treatment and I am satisfied then it was habit and not current.

Like looking at a photograph and saying - yes this person is very large and not conventionally beautiful - or even she is less good looking than me - neutrality without condemnation.

It seems that the voice I hear in my head has an attitude I don't always currently agree with.

Answer 2

Yup I am, but am trying to think a lil more positive, I usually try to put myself in the others shoes and then feel guilty hopefully this will work, another way is that I think sheesh I hurt them then, then I feel so bad an berate myself for being so nasty..

Answer 3

I know that i am. I judge everyoone that i meet. I do it to myself because i always know that there is a possibility that i am wrong. That is why i dont voice my opinions until i estabblish a real opinion but right off that bat i decide if you are cool or not and if i like you are not then if i begin to hang with you more or get to know yo more i change my opinion

Answer 4

Oh, I can be quite judgmental. I am pretty much open when it comes to looks, but I have two things that can get to me. Eyes and teeth. I can be open minded about a person until the moment they try to attack me or somebody I care about, then I can be quite the judgmental person about little things that usually would not bother me. Many people feel the same way you do about opening presents, including me. We are all more judgmental than we like to admit.

Answer 5

I think I am judgemental, but who isn't?  It's something natural, and it makes some people seem mean because they say their thoughts out loud.  But if you think about it, Everyone has a judgemental thought no matter how nice they are.  It's just that some people keep it to themselves more than others.  You can't help what your first thought about something is.