Are you over 50-55? We need your advice!?

Question

Ok, if you are over 50 then you are eligible to answer this question :-)

So, what advice would you give to the 20-35 year-old "young generation". OR what advice would you send back in time to your 20-35 year-old self?

What would you do in a different way? Your marriage? (Not) Having kids that early? Getting a degree? Working more/less? Being more XYZ? etc etc. I am not only interested in spiritual wisdoms but in down-to-earth practical advice as well. Actually, both.

Do you have a current problem that could have been avoided? You feel you suffered unnecessarily Or to the contrary, are you happy? What led you there? Are you bitter? Don't hide it! Happy? Share it!

It would be a great service if you shared your ideas and advice. God bless you if you take the time to answer. The more you write the better!

Oh, if you are under 50 and you have your grandpa/grandma around ask them to contribute! Thank you! God bless!

Answer 1

The best advice I can give the younger generation is to get over the notion that life is supposed to be fair.  It's not.  Once you get that through your head you can let go of bitterness, grudges, jealousy, hatred or resentment.  Take what comes your way and do your best to enjoy each and every day God gives you on this earth.

Good luck and best wishes to you.

Answer 2

Most of my things I would have done differently involve my first marriage.  I tell younger women to spend some time living on their own, self supporting, before they get married, not to rush into marriage or living with some guy without learning that they are capable of being independent.  And when they get married they shouldn't assume that they will be cared for for life, that they should continue to have credit cards and bank accounts and retirement plan in their own name because husbands leave or die and it helps if you already have an identity of your own beyond Mrs. Somebody.

I went right from being a dependent of my father to being a dependent of my XH.  Yes, I did work full time for awhile before I had kids, but never had to support myself and by the time I finally got fed up with the psychological abuse, I didn't think I could take the kids and leave because I didn't think I could manage living on my own.  

It wasn't until my XH decided at 45 that he was tired of other people telling him what to do and quit working that I was thrown into supporting the family and while it was a real struggle, I managed!!!  It gave me the confidence to pack up and leave him, and while it was one of the hardest things I had ever done because my then teenaged sons were in college and didn't want to give up living where they had grown up so stayed behind, it was exhillarating to find out how capable I was.  

By failing to get out and be independent before I got married I never learned how capable I was and let my XH tear down my self-esteem by telling me how incompetent I was.  BOY was he wrong, but I never learned that until I got out on my own at 48!

Answer 3

I'm 60 years old and could write a book on this subject, but without getting into my spiritual beliefs, I think this story sums it up quite nicely:

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins"  

He was a natural motivator.                                                          

                                                                            

  If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.            

                                                                            

   Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him. 'I don't get it', you can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?

                                                                                          

He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... You can choose to be in a bad mood.   I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something happens, I can choose to be a victim or ... I can choose to learn from it.  I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or ... I can point out the positive side of life.   I choose the positive side of life.                              

                                                                            

'Yeah, Right, it's not easy' I protested  

                                                                                                  

'Yes it is', he said' Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.' 'You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line...It's your choice how you live your life'                                                      

                                                                

I reflected on what he said.  Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of merely reacting to it.

                        

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.                                                      

                                      

I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied "If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?'                                          

                                

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

                                                      

'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter,' he replied 'Then as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices; I could choose to live or... I could choose to die. I choose to live.

                              

'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked.

                                                                            

He continued, "... the paramedics were great . They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man', I knew I needed to take action.                                  

          

'What did you do?' I asked.

                                                

'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me', said John '. She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied'. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled ... Gravity. Over their laughter, I told them ' I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.

                                                                            

He lived thanks to the skills of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude...I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of it's own...... Matthew 6:34

                                                                            

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.  

Answer 4

Learn to be content with what you have. Some people spend their entire life focusing on what they don't have.

Live within your means.

If you have two sources of income live on one and save on the other as much as possible.

On marriage never do or say anything that would hurt your spouse period. Don't use 'if she doesn't know' as an excuse.

When the children come they will very quickly learn to react and handle different situations based on what they learn from you.

Don't argue in the presence of children, if they see you in disagreement they see you as a weak team and they can quickly learn to play you against each other.

At the most, one warning before discipline. If you repeatedly warn you are hard to understand and hard to believe.

Treat each other with respect.

Good Luck,

  Keith

Answer 5

As you grow older all the things value negate. All the things that were so important become less important and perish. And vica versa, all the things that were secondary become Paramount.

Somewhere it is written that on the final judgment everything you did burns except what you did out of love and selfless care. That remains and that will make you shine for eternity.

So hard as it may be, try to be patient, loving, caring, ready to forgive or the most difficult: ready to walk away as a "loser" in others eyes and leave justice to God. Those are the true masters who can do that.

Finally, some concrete stuff:

1, As I see, without a good education it is just struggling all the way. You might d**n hate to learn whether you are 15 or 40 but you should put your back into it even if it takes 10 years to finish school. Find something that you love or at least tolerate.

2, Do not have kids only after 3-4 years of marriage. After you've been through the acid test. Things can and often turn ugly in a marriage and with kids you can easily get trapped. Your spouse might have you over a barrel.

3, Don't get married until you have your finances stabilized or before you finish your education. It is a trap.

Answer 6

I am 54 yrs young.

The best advice I can give is to get a good education and not only that but in a field that is in demand. The future is just not tomorrow, but years down the road, so look way ahead. So many young people go to college, graduate, and still do not know what they want to do, or did not follow a path leading them to areas that jobs are always in demand. Health field is one, computer technology another, law, teaching, etc. You get the picture.

Next thing I advise is surround yourself with upbeat, positive people. To do otherwise will set you on a course of possible dissappointment and a spiral downward. Negative people will try to pull you down with them. Positive people will be encouraging and will support you throughout your endeavors. Also, act as an adult througout your life, and take responsibility for what you do, whether right or wrong.

Current problem? That would be living paycheck to paycheck. It never ends, (well I hope the paycheck doesn't end! lol) I am not working, due to an accident. I speak of my husband. If I have suffered, I take responsibility. I could have gone a different path career wise and had, I may have never had my accident, but those are what-ifs that never prove productive, so it is best to not dwell on it.

Happiness? I'm not happy with a lot of my choices that I have made, but I don't think I am that much different than a lot of other people. It is true, 'hindsight is indeed, 20/20. Music icon, Little Richard always says, 'Be happy with what you have.' I think that simple statement says a lot.

Bitterness? It doesn't do anything but bring out an ugliness that lies within, and life is too short to be unhappy and have so many regrets. It's best when things go sour, to pull yourself up by the bootstraps, get your second wind, and move forward.

I once read that one needs to put God first, education second, and marriage and family third. Doesn't sound like bad advice to me.

Answer 7

I'm 58 and my advice would be to enjoy every minute of your life as if it may be your last. Don't worry about what other people think unless it negatively impacts them. Treat others with respect, even when you don't think they deserve it. It will come back to you and you will be the better person.

I married at 19 and had a child by 20. Although having children at a young age has its benefits, it takes away a time in your life when you are still learning about who you are and what you want.

Above all, keep an open heart and don't judge others.We never know what's going on in someone else's life so to judge them is wrong. No one likes judgmental people and no one likes to be judged. It's not up to us.

Plan for the future just in case you're lucky enough to have a long one. I know so many Seniors who don't have the finances to take proper care of themselves. Yes the economy is in dire straights but planning ahead would have saved them a lot of problems. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Don't be in such a hurry.  Marriage, Kids etc.

I advise you to get a degree and take your time to find the right person.  

Think with your head but decide with your heart.  

Nobody gets to the end of their life and thinks "Gee, I wish I would have worked more!"

I had a wonderful husband that left this life a little to early.  Luckily, I had a job and some security of my own.  That was a blessing to me.

I wish I had more patience, but the older I get the patience factor gets shorter.

I always remembered this saying: Always be kind to strangers for you may be entertaining Angels unaware.  That has helped me a lot thru the years.  

Answer 9

First, I would have found an occupation I enjoyed, and one that paid at least a fair amount of money. I'm not sure a college degree is necessary, but very helpful if you plan to make more money.

Begin saving for retirement at a very early age. It doesn't have to be a fortune each week. Just be consistent, and never tap into it. Invest it wisely.

Learn about money. How it works, and how it can bite you in the butt.

USE CREDIT CARDS WISELY - IF AT ALL. They can be the most destroying things in your life.

Don't get married for stupid reason. (She/He's hot, they're cute...) Be friends first, and let romance go from there. Be together for a while before you bring kids into the mix. Kids are stressful to a relationship. (But also wonderful!)

Work hard, but don't let it consume your life. Enjoy your down time and your family. They grow quickly.

And for me, have a relationship with God. He is everything and wants to be included in your life.

Thanks for asking. Just for asking makes you wise beyond your years. Good luck!

Answer 10

I have no problem with who I am today. Young people have to make their own decisions about what they want in life. Every one has a different road to travel, you can't gauge your life by some one's own mistakes. You learn from your own. Mistakes help you to grow and overcoming all obstacles makes you who you are.    Poppy

Answer 11

I have shared some of this information before on answers, so those who have read it, please bear with me while I share it again.

I'm 73 and I do have my "Philosophyof Life" all figured out, but first I had to learn by my mistakes and most important, I have forgiven myself for my mistakes. I have written a lot and collected many writings, poems, and quotes that I will share with you.

Okay, I'm giving you a lot to read and yes, I am very happy.  

I'm thankful I wake up every morning and can say I truely love God and the life he has given me.

Philippians 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I am now home bound for the last 6 years and I have had to recreate, my life style and interests but I will answer your question, as if I were back in time, before I became physically enable to do as I did in the past.

“ If you don’t know where your going.

Any road will take you there.”

George Harrison

I love a challenge. I set goals. I set realistic goals and long term goals. I have them written down in 2 columns. I feel a great deal of gratification each time I reach a goal and cross it off my list. I live on self satisfaction. I have a Strong need to satisfy my self.

I do my best to get out of myself and look for things I can do for others. Get involved with volunteer work.  I volunteered at our local library.  Help with Children’s Hour and Organized the Annual Book sale. If you enjoy children, get involved in volunteering at school, listening to grade school kids read. or join the PTA. Senior Citizen Centers always need volunteers as do Nursing Homes and Hospitals.

Only you can determine your destiny.

As long as we are capable, it is up to us, as individuals, to do the best we can, to the best of our ability and be all we can be to those we love.  Conduct yourself in a manner that  builds good memories.

We have to have the determination to go after our dreams.

I wish you the best in creating your life style.

ATTITUDE

Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is, we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. And so it is with you… We are in charge of our attitudes.

If you will live your life by the following writing, written in 1927, you will be successful, and live in peace and YOU will be all you can be.

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars, you have the right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

DeeJay.

Answer 12

i have reached the stage where finally i have accepted myself as i am .

all experiences ,good and bad have molded me into the person i am now .by no means perfect ,i have heaps of imperfections ,but they make me human.i like that .

there is no such thing as failure ,it's just a matter of recognising when to make a change ,or ,change ones mind

i like being a senior ,i can look back now and wonder what the fuss was all about .and i can look ahead to the joys and challenges of being a pensioner,soon.

Answer 13

I'm 55 & my moods are as varied as the weather patterns.  Some days I wish I had joined the cloistered nuns, other days I wish I had made a mark on the world by putting my face on the top ten most wanted list!  

I coulda / shoulda / woulda...but that doesn't matter.  If I never had become a Wife, Mother & business owner, I wouldn't be who I am & my child would not exist.  To dream of my life is senseless & will only cause harm to myself & to others...then again, that might be part of the bigger picture that hasn't yet come into play!  MYSTERY...OOOOHHHHHHHH.  :o)

Answer 14

slow down, do not live in the future, it gets there to fast