Are you raising your children/child without an extended family?

Question

My husband and I are...the only person my daughter has other than us is her paternal grandmother. Some times I feel bad about it, but sadly there is nothing I can do. My family is around, but unsavory. My husbands family is just him and his mom. I have a cousin that has three kids. Her mother and in-laws take her kids every single weekend, and they watch the children during the week. My daughter has been away from us twice, and she is almost three; excluding when she goes to daycare during the day.

We are getting on just fine, but I'm curious if we are a rare bunch! Do you have a lot of family to help you with raising your children?

Answer 1

Yeah, my hubby and I are currently college students and are 16,000 mi from my family and 9,000 mi from his. Though his mom is a trucker and sometimes she comes close enough for a visit.

Mostly we are all alone. My family has yet to meet our son and he is allready 7months. It's sad.

Answer 2

The only family that lives near us is my mother. I'm a single mom and my son's biological father is uninvolved. For the most part it's just me and my son, I've never left him overnight anywhere and he's 5. I have 4 brothers but they all live out of state and we only see them once a year or so. Same with my dad.

Answer 3

Same here, My parents familys are preeeety much all losers (except for some) so we dont really talk to any of them

Answer 4

My husband and I are currently ttc. In a couple of years we will be moving out of state for at least 5 years for him to complete his Ph.D....so we will be raising our kids (or at least our first child) away from all of our family.

This is not something I'm happy about! I love my family and want them to be a part of my children's lives. It is just the way our life will have to be!

Answer 5

I have a pretty huge family, and I've always been really close to my mom's side of the family (my dad's side lives farther away so I don't see them as often). I have eleven first cousins on my mom's side, and a bunch of second cousins and first cousin's once removed. I have 3 cousins on my dad's side.

That being said, I wouldn't say that they helped raise me much. My cousin's family is a different story. My uncle (my cousin's uncle also, not father) and my grandmother take care of the kids pretty much every day.

I also know people who barely know their extended family, so your position isn't as rare as it seems.

I have always loved having a huge family, and it can be sad to not have that, but the thing is, your child's safety is more important. If your family is as you say, "unsavory," then it's probably better for her not to be spending time with them, and you are doing the right thing.

Family doesn't have to be blood, if you have close friends with children, then that can be a kind of "extended family" as well. Don't sweat it, and good luck.

Answer 6

You are not alone, there are lots of us doing the same.  My 4 boys live near my mum and dad and see plenty of them.  Sadly they are not in great health and are getting on a bit now adn so can't really help with baby sitting.  Mum sometimes helps me if I have an evening errand to run and 2 of them are in bed.  I have  a "fractured" extended family that I have no contact with and the ones I did are dead.

In laws are awful selfish people.  Never interested in our boys and play favourites with their grandchildren as they did their children.  Refuse to help when we struggle with a round of illness (2x chickenpox and 1 ear infection plus other stuff on my Mum's side)  they don't want to "catch" anything!  They haven't seen our boys for over 3 months yet drive an equal distance to see their daughters kids at least twice a week! Aunt and Uncle rarely bother so boys hardly ever see them or cousins, I don't think they would recoginse them in the street.

We do manage fine, it is hard but they boys all have each other and us and we are very very lucky that we have wonderful neighbours who help to fill the voids and are their god-parents!

Answer 7

My husband and I have 5 siblings between us and my parents are still alive. I also have a cousin, who've I've been close with for my entire life. None of them helped us raise our children...my husband and I did that on our own (think we did're doing a pretty good job :]). They come to visit every once in a while and we talk on the phone, but no one ever came to babysit them, give us an extra hand or take them for the weekend. Then again...I never really asked for help.

Best Wishes =]

Answer 8

My husband and I moved away from both of our parents so that our children would not meet our parents. Both mine and my husbands parents abused us. We were better off this way. The only "family" that we have are the people who took me in when I was pregnant at 16.

Answer 9

We're in the same situation as you are. Both of our immediate families aren't appropriate people to have in our life. (criminal bad) We have my husband's Aunt 2000 miles away, she come's out once a year for a week. I have living grandparents, as well as a cousin with 3 adopted kids....but they just moved from being 3 and a half hours from us, to being 10 hours away. The only people we have as family in town are my parents and younger brother. We've been estranged from them by our choice for a year now, and have no desire to change that. We'd love to have decent family, that would be great! It just wasn't in the cards for us, and we're all a lot better off spending time together as a family, than in a destructive enviornment. So although it sucks sometimes, we like it just being us for the most part. Kids are 3years8months old, and 7 months old now. Our third and last is due Dec.26th, kids will be 4 and 1 when the new baby arrives.

Answer 10

Not a lot of family. When we were living by my family in CA there were loads of people. But we've since moved to FL and all we have are my in laws and my husband's brother, who doesn't have a family of his own yet. It's a weird shock to me having so little people since I was always surrounded by waves of family members. My in-laws' families are from TN so my husband is used to having practically no family around. It's good though, even though it's just my husband's parents they offer plenty of help. My MIL doesn't work so she's always home and available to babysit. *thumbs up*

It does get lonely though for me on major holidays because I'm used to spending them at huge family gatherings, but now nothing really happens. Birthdays usually just end up being a nice lunch or dinner out followed by presents at home instead of the huge pot luck bashes my family throws. If it weren't for my in laws bringing my son to church on Sundays, he probably wouldn't have much social activity with other kids since he's not in school yet and still an only child.

Answer 11

My husband and I have lots of family we're close to but we moved far away just a month before we conceived.  We had been ttc for 2 1/2 years and I didn't want to leave town because of it but it wasn't happening so I agreed to move.  We got pregnant as soon as we got here.  Now, our son is 4 1/2 months old and has only seen his grandparents and other family twice.  It's really hard to deal with, since I don't know many ppl here and have never had a babysitter.  My hubby and I got to go out once for a few hours when my mom, his mom and the baby's godmother were visiting one weekend.

It is hard though so I feel for you.  We want another child soon so they are close in age but I'm really scared to be pregnant with a baby with nobody to turn to if I'm overwhelmed.