Are you sensitive to this too?

Question

Scenario: My co-worker and I are doing a project, someone comes along and makes a brilliant suggestion- we do it, it works.

My co-worker goes on and on about how such a good idea it was to do such and such then says.....we're idiots (says my name) !

I tell her that yes it was a good idea BUT i'm no idiot.

Would you have addressed her grouping you into her self bashing?

Answer 1

I was in a similar situation, but for me, I self-chastised myself for not thinking of the idea, so I agreed with the person who revealed the idea at a development meeting and agreed when he said we had both been idiots not to think of this idea ourselves. We BOTH had been idiots to not think of something so obvious in hindsight. So, I had no argument with the words used. Could this be the same for you, that you were kicking yourself for not having the idea yourself once you looked back in hindsight? Everybody makes stupid mistakes when looked at in hindsight. You obviously, do not think you erred in not thinking of this idea, while your co-worker evidently DOES think along those lines and simply included you as an equal in failing to think of something which in hindsight should have been obvious. You have a right to be offended by the assumption to include you in a group, but this is something best taken up in private later. As a systems analyst, I have seen this time and time again, that an obvious solution is overlooked by brilliant, intelligent, outstanding people, mainly because they were too close to a problem. It took an outside pair of eyes to see the obvious. It was my JOB as an outside observer to find exactly these kinds of solutions to a business problem. I wonder how many people were kicking themselves for not seeing what I saw because they were too close to see the forest because of the trees. I think you are being a bit thin-skinned, but that is my personal opinion. If this had been me, I simply would have gone with the flow of the moment and confronted the other person privately later on. This situation is EXACTLY why I went into systems analysis, to find that solution the brilliant people working the problem had missed. The difference is, I never rubbed anyone's face in it when this kind of mistake had been made by the powers that be... I simply gave credit where credit was due without admitting to any error myself or on anyone else's part. There is NO benefit from making intelligent people feel stupid, especially if you are being paid to do a job. Your co-worker erred in judgment, but that is not a crime but rather a personality difference, which you admit was not done out of malice. Since no malice was involved, that is why I suggest a private confrontation later as there is no need to embarrass your co-worker for what you think was (and probably simply IS) an innocent mistake. You are taking this as a personal insult when you admit it to simply be innocent of malice and not meant to be a personal insult, which is why I think you thin-skinned... Three words, get over it.

Answer 2

Yes I would have!

Answer 3

Are you saying that she referred to you as an idiot in front of the group? I would have responded with "speak for yourself"! What you said was fine, but you should have a meeting with her to let her know you didn't like it. If it happens after that, you will need to report it to a manager.

Answer 4

I would say dont stand for any downtalkers about themselves or others.  Just be diplomatic about how you explain what you mean.