Are you staying in a relationship b/c u cant "afford" to live alone?

Question

and take care of your two kids u had with your hubby??

its pathetic but do u ever think of it like that? what would u do ?

Answer 1

I would never do something like that. I would have to tough it out.

I would continue to support the family even if we were broke.

Sometimes you dont stay broke forever.

Answer 2

yes

Answer 3

Its called 'child support' honey. You have two kids so you should get s decent amount. And there is public assistance to help out people in that position, its better than staying in a miserable relationship.

Dont listen to 'serene', being in an unhappy relationship WILL affect the kids, possibly more than staying for 'their sake'!! Infuriates me when people say to stay in an unhappy situation like its really better for the kids to see mom unhappy and fighting going on?!? PLEASE............

Answer 4

  

   Hi,

Finances shouldn't be one of the factors a woman should consider when her relationship / her marriage with her husband have broken down i.e. beyond the possibility of reconciliation.

In my opinion, your need for financial security suggests a want for personal fulfillment. You need to find your "Signature Strengths" i.e. qualities that each of us possess naturally: the inner strength & capabilities which make us unique as individuals. Egg. Are you good at baby-sitting? Is there a skill or hobby which you can utilize, bank-on, allows you to stay at home for your kids and at the same time bring in sufficient funds to make ends meet?

Your question reveals a more critical issue than financial security.

You need to discern whether staying on in this relationship is right for you and your children.

There are questions which you might want to reflect upon:

1) Can you be most of yourself in his presence?

2) Can you be funny, weak, strong, tough, flamboyant, smart or even loud when you are with him?

3) Do you have the guts to stand-up to him when he is wrong?

4) Does your time together really matter?

5) Are you willing to take care of him if he has to be bond on a wheelchair for the rest of his life?

If you choose to stay - wouldn't that compel you to be as fully competent as you can be i.e. breadwinner, take care of family?

The most important thing is the basic qualities of integrity. Everything else i.e. s*x, romance, success, money - fails us as time has proven.

The absence of your self-worth/self-esteem is your handicap.

Being able to build-up resiliency, cultivating positive regard for yourself and challenging any chaos in your life and taking responsibility for it will create a healthier life for you and your children.

Your willingness to admit to your own mistakes, your willingness to overcome and reveal the darkest part of yourself - is critical to being a good parent to your children.

Your children need to understand that you struggled in life. Carl Jung aptly said that,

"The most important gift in the world which a parent can give to their child is to tell them about their struggles in life i.e. dark side."

When you share your darkest struggles, sorrows and pain with your children, it allows them to realize that struggles in life are meant to be lessons learnt & challenged i.e. overcome, and they can share it with others who care for them too (they would learn to grow up as empowering & strong individuals o.k. fighters). While you are sharing the info to your children, assure them that you are working on the solutions, so that your children will not have to worry about you.

If you 'walk the talk' and rise-up against challenges in life with great dexity & tenacity, you would have empowered your children with the information which you have made - which would save them from a lot of pain. If they do find themselves in your predicament in future, they would remember how you overcame and you would be the source of hope and courage for them to have the power to choose what is good & right for their lives.  

Each person must make their own decision as to how they want to live their lives i.e. with dignity, with integrity, in cultivating principles and moral values.

There is no right or wrong.

No one actually knows what they will do in any particular situation. But, these are the times where (as a mother of 2) you might find the courage you never thought you had.

In conclusion, if you as your children's mother don't have the courage to make decisions to secure your own self-worth and future, who would do it for your children? If you don't have what it takes (i.e. LOVE) to 'walk-out & work-up', no one else would do that for you & your children. Don't be co-dependent on your partner, be as independent, be as competent.

Be a Woman of your own Rights - Roar!!!      

Answer 5

Yes, I used to.  I even told myself "marriages are supposed to work" and stayed for that reason to.  But not without consequence.  I took alot of c**p and abuse for it.

Eventually, I left.  I started over completely ( I left with nothing but my kids and a prayer) and gained peace, a better place to live and my finances are just that - mine alone.  It is not always easy, but, I am definitely happier.  And better yet, so are my children.

Answer 6

Nope, I could live on my own with my paycheck. It would be tight, but it could be done. My boyfriend would need a room mate, because he doesn't make much money.

I don't think it's pathetic as long as both parties are ok with it. I know that jobs are hard to come by and that some people just have better luck then others. Then again, we're in love and share our lives together, I wouldn't want him to stay with me if it was only bc he can't live on his own...  

Answer 7

Your kids need both parents.  Stay until they're grown for THEIR sake!!!

Answer 8

I don't know if this is your husband you are talking about? Well, if it is, you need to re-evaluate what you are doing in this relationship.  Is is really bad?  is he abusive? are you bored?  are you staying for the kids, is this just a down feeling for the moment?  If I thought that I was just staying for the free rent I would look for an opportunity to get out.  

Answer 9

you know what? i was! but i left him today because he decided to keep on drinking. now i am alone with my two best friends! my daughters who are 3 and 5!

Answer 10

I did think this way for quite a while but then I realized I was doing myself and my kids more harm then good staying and at first it was hard while waiting for support, but I waitressed and got on low income housing and every time I paid my own rent and was able to buy my kids things was the best feeling ever. There are ways to support yourself and your kids. It may not be easy but staying in a bad relationship is definitely a lot harder than making a life for you and your kids. Good Luck to you all.

Answer 11

It's OK to stick around until you find a way to help support you and your kids. But if things aren't good then it's not OK to stay in a bad marriage and allow your kids to see things that they would be better off living without.  If he is being a jerk and you dont love him anymore then learn how to move on first. Life is getting harder and harder financially and you want to be able to raise your kids, with his help.

Answer 12

It might be more difficult to live on your own with two kids, but it is something you can do.  Something I learned from being married was that I could afford to live on my own because my ex wouldn't pay for anything for the kids.  I had to beg for shoes or clothes or coats for the kids, so I had to figure out how to get what the kids and I needed.  There are agencies who will be able to help you.  If the relationship is over, move on and do better for the kids.  The kids don't need the angst that living with a horrible dad will do to them.