Are your bridesmaids dressing/looking the same?

Question

I love when the brides maids all have the same dress and hair and shoes and makup ect. I plan on choosing an overall look that will flatter each of them but still be the same unified look. I know my 3 friends wont care but my sister-in-law who I agreed to have in the bridal party will protest just for the sake of being difficult. Even if I promised hubby that I would have her, if she dosnt want to wear what everyone else agrees to; then can I tell her that she dosnt need to be a part of the party if she can't agree? It isnt too bridezilla to ask them all to be the same if I get really cute flattering rewearable dresses is it? And they all have similar hair types/lengths so is it ok to ask them to have that done the same as well?

Answer 1

Well, mine did, but I got married over 20 years ago--I don't think ANYONE would be dressing their bridesmaids the way mine were dressed!  LOL

As far as having them dress/look the same--if they're agreeable to it and it's what you want, then by all means go for it.  I work in a bridal store though, and I'll tell you I'm seeing more and more brides go away from the "uniform" look of bridesmaids--they're picking a color and length of the dress, and then letting each maid pick a dress that meets the requirements.  Personally, I like it too--it allows each maid to have a dress that flatters her and she'll be more likely to wear again, because she likes it in the first place.  As far as having them have the same hairstyle/makeup/etc., for me that's over the top--but if they're all agreeable to it, then it's your wedding.  I wouldn't insist upon it though--you'll come off as being very bridezilla-y if you do.  Just remember, in 30 years you're going to want to be able to tell your bridesmaids apart in the wedding photos--you're going to look like an idiot to your grandchildren if you can't remember if that's their aunt Sue, or your best friend, Amy.  ;-)  

As far as your sis in law--if you didn't want her in the bridal party, why did you ask her?  Never ever ask someone to be in your bridal party that YOU don't want there--this isn't the time for repaying favors or having someone up there because your hubby to be wants his sister.  I wasn't a bridesmaid in either of my brother's weddings, and my feelings weren't hurt a bit.  I would handle this one with kid gloves though--this is your husband's sister you're talking about here--she's going to be in your family for a LONG time...."kicking" her out of the wedding party is not going to endear you to the hearts of your future in laws.  I would find a solution that you can both live with, remember compromise is a major skill in marriage--you do it every day!  

Good luck to you in your wedding planning!

Answer 2

Nope, none of my bridesmaids have the same dress, shoes, hairstyle and makeup. They are all individuals, unique in their own way so I want them to look their best and feel their best in what they are comfortable with.

I set a couple of guidelines for them- Black or black and white two tone dresses, chiffon only, and it had to be floor length. They each picked gorgeous dresses and they all look amazing. For shoes I simply asked them all to stick with one color, they could choose amongst themselves and they chose black. Hair and makeup- well some people look good with hair up, some don't so I didn't want to dictate how they wore their hair. However they would like it. Same with make up.

If you want them all to look the same though, that is ok. But really you shouldn't have someone in your wedding that you have to agree about. Just tell her your plans up front so she can decide before dresses are picked and what not whether she wants to be in the wedding. Usually a good friend/bridesmaid will suck it up and wear whatever the bride chooses. If you don't think she will then I wouldn't bother with her.

Good Luck!! :)

Answer 3

Honestly, I think it would be a better idea to give them a designer, length and color and let them pick their own dress.  It allows them to show their personalities more and would avoid the issue with your SIL.  Also, YOU may think they're rewearable, but they all aren't going to have the same style, so the same dress is not going to be rewearable for all the girls.

I also think the different dresses give more visual interest in pictures and is a little more "modern" then the matchy-matchy look.  

And, yes, I think the same hair/shoes/makeup is a little bridezillish unless you're going to pay for all of them to have this look.  Some of your bridesmaids may not be able to afford the same kind of shoes or may want to do their own hair/makeup instead of pay someone.

A bridesmaid is not an accessory that you just kick of of the bridal party because she doesn't match your vision.  They are someone important who you should work with to make a part of the day.  It's incredibly insulting to be kicked out of a wedding party, so be prepared to potentially damage the relationship with your SIL, who will be family for a long time.

Answer 4

If you're buying the dresses, then you should have the final say as to the overall look of the dresses. If your FSIL is giving you trouble, you're going to have to let your fiance know about it. He's her brother. He can talk sense into her when others can't. But if you're asking them to have their hair done in identical styles, etiquette demands that you pay for it, as you are with the dresses.

For our wedding, I'm buying similar gowns on eBay; with iridescent two-toned fabrics, one golden tone and another tone that each bridesmaid(Honor Maiden, no one MOH) will enjoy. Since I'm paying for them, they won't argue about it. It's just hard finding the right colors and sizes at random on eBay!

Answer 5

Once a bride, and now a maid of honor, here's a little advice. Although you may think you know what will look flattering on your girls, may not coincide with what they're comfortable with. Better yet, let your bridal party duke it out on their own. Put your MOH in charge and let her be the liason between you and the girls. I let my bridal party choose their hair design but they all had to wear it the same. Check into BM gown rentals, and don't make them buy something they won't wear again. Most don't even have them altered for later, or you may want to see how much they're willing to spend, and then you can foot the bill for the difference if the dress is more than what was agreed upon. Our's is $150, and anything over that, the bride will take care of.  As a MOH now, my gown will be completely different from the BM's. The gown my BM's chose is absolutely obsurd, I think it's ugly.  I refuse to wear this hideous thing they chose at an impromptu bridal fitting of which I was unable attend. There should be a distiguishable difference between the BM's and the MOH, so long as the necklines look similar, and the fabric is the same. Hope this helps

Answer 6

Well....everybody wearing the same dress, shoes, and for sure the same hairstyle is way outdated! I didn't know that people still do this because I haven't seen it in years; it's called the clone look. Everyone has their own sense of style and should choose what's best for their body type and what they will be comfortable wearing. They may not want to wear the dress again (most women wouldn't) so that shouldn't be a factor in your decision. I wouldn't ask them to wear their hair the same way either. I would definitely agree with your sister-in-law on this topic, if she wanted to wear what flatters her.

Answer 7

my bridesmaids all had the same dresses but my matron of honor had the same color dress but different style

i had a strapless dress

my bridesmaids had purple not lavender dresses with 1 inch straps

my matron of honor had a halter dress.

it was sooo beautiful

but its whatever u like.

Answer 8

Bridezilla... maybe not, but I think some of my answer would depend on how far off your wedding is.  If you are getting ready to order dresses and already asked the ladies for measurments then I think you are stuck and you need to make the best of it.  Make her the maid/matron of honor and then if she is wearing something different that is considered normal.  If you are months from the date and haven't gotten far with planning then let her know that you decided to have a small wedding party.  Besides being a bridesmaid is a lot of work and money, so she may happy to be let out of it all.  Or ask her to be the hostes (having people sign the guest book and help cut the cake or something).  Best of luck.

Answer 9

I don't think that asking people to wear a particular style of dress or have their hair done in the same way is bridezillaish.  I would imagine that any person who agrees to be a bridesmaid knows that these things come along with the package.  It IS you and your fiance's special day when it all is said and done.  Part of that is the general appearance of the wedding and also the fact that pictures are going to be taken and you want to look back on them in a happy sense.  I am having all my bridesmaids wear the same dress.  I am letting them do their hair as they like (within reason) and am asking them to wear black jewelry which I would like to see before the wedding.  I am going to pay for a manicure/pedicure for all of them so won't worry about nails.  As long as you aren't asking them to cut/dye their hair, tan if they don't want to, lose weight, etc. (stuff like that which is kind of invasive) I think its free reign.  One point of thought....maybe instead of having them get their hair done in the same way you could have it in a similar way (like specify it has to be up or curled in some way)...  I think if you want the dresses to all look the same, that's perfectly fine and you are going above and beyond having it be rewearable.  I have seen some horrible BM dresses which no one would wear again in some horrible colors!!!

Answer 10

Yes, it's nice that all the girls wear the same dress, however your maid-of-honor should stand out just a wee bit more.  Maybe flowers in her hair or something special.  If your future sister-in-law doesn't like YOUR plans for YOUR wedding, she can opt out.

Answer 11

I think you are being reasonable and if she doesn't agree, kick her out of the wedding. I do have to draw the line at the hair and makeup.  While you can ask for updos, I think it is a tad bridezilla to insist they all have the same style.  Sorry, but robo-bridesmaid doesn't look very good.

My sister's only request is that our dresses all be made from the same fabric.  Very different designs, all quite flattering.  Her MOH and my sister both wore updos.  Mine was down because that is how I wear my hair.

I'm having no attendants at all, so not an issue for me.

Answer 12

It's customary that the bride picks the dress but the bridesmaids pay for it. So I say you are good on that. Now, if you are paying for their hair, then I believe you can ask them to do their hair the same too.

Answer 13

don't let her ruin ur day. the bridal party also includes the book attendant/door opener. this person can wear the colors of the wedding party but not the same style or even the same fabric. she will still be in pics and acknowledged as part of the party. good luck!!!

Answer 14

i think the photos look nicer when the dresses match or are very very similar, my two girls are wearing the same dress but they have their own shoes my sister borrowed hers from a friend and my best friend already had hers, they are both getting their makeup done how they feel comfortable (one likes a lot of makeup the other is more natural)  and there hair will be down but also in whatever down style suits them best,

has your sister in law to be protested or is it a she might protest, battle the issues when they come to hand if you make that your frame of mind you are ready to strike out at her before shes even opened her mouth, so who's been the difficult one, if that is how you feel don't have her to start with.