Are your kids' grandparents fair to all the grandchildren?

Question

My parents are both deceased and I was an only child. My only aunts and uncles are elderly and live far away and don't really know my children, though I do my level best to keep in touch and send photos of the kids and cards and pictures from them so they feel like the kids are part of their lives. All these aunts and uncles used to remember me at birthdays and Christmas, but they claim they have too much going on with their own grandchildren to do anything for their dead siblings' grandchildren.

My in-laws coordinate with my sister-in-law to get her twins things like a Fisher Price house with all the people and accessories for their birthdays. For my kids they have always tried to get away as cheap as possible and put little thought into it. I talked to my mother-in-law once about trying to help me out since my kids have only one set of grandparents while their cousins have two and she said, "Your kids will just have to accept that your dad was an alcoholic and died."

Nice.

So now I am in the position of always filling in the gap of gifts and experiences they should have had with my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles that I had growing up, that they can't have because my parents and grandparents are deceased and my aunts and uncles won't help out. Even if the aunts and uncles would do for my three kids what they did for me total while I was growing up, it would be helpful.

And my uncle received 1/4 of my mom's estate when she died even though he is the richest person in our family and I was a minor child at the time, and he refused to give up any of my 1/2 of the estate (which he was in charge of) for my college education, so that my dad had to pay for it all, which was in direct violation of her will. Now I have never approached him and said he owed me or anything like that. I have always been respectful. Yet he says my children will just have to accept that they don't have grandparents and he has too much already with his seven grandchildren.

They don't get it -- if my mom was alive I would never DREAM of bothering them. But since she's not, I can't afford to make up for all my children would have had from my mom, my dad, my grandparents (whom I admit would be 100 years old by now), etc.

They are not spoiled or feel entitled to anything, which makes it all the more tragic that no one cares about them. I feel bad that our Christmases are such that we are forced to give them only traditions: going to get a real tree, decorating it Thanksgiving weekend, doing readings and advent calendar every night in December, and playing games together and watching movies on Christmas, with only a few presents and some of those clothes. My kids don't mind and love the traditions, but that's not the effing point. They would have a lot more if my parents were around.

Anyone else successfully whipped their in-laws into shape to make things fair for all the grandchildren?

Answer 1

My mother favors my oldest daughter over all the grand kids (including my youngest daughter). It is obvious and rude. We all know it- even my oldest daughter knows it. My MIL favors my youngest daughter over all grand kids and we all know it. It puts my in an awkward position and everyone else, too. We have talked to them until we are blue in the face and after a week everything goes back to the way it was with the favoring. They just cannot hide it. Our siblings bring it up to us all the time and we feel awful about it. I tell them all not to buy any of my kids anything unless they get something for all the grand kids, especially little surprises for no reason at all. Because then, I'm caught having to buy my other child something to *even it out* It isn't fair to my kids, my siblings kids, or anyone.

I hope you had a good rant- I did- but that's about all you can do. Let it out. LOL

Answer 2

First of all your uncle is wrong and you are a good person not to cause a scene about the money I wish I had your self-composure. I have in-laws that make a difference in my own children. Even though they are not obligated to help with our children in any way, it hurts you and the children to feel the neglect of not being the favorite. Don't talk negatively about the grandparents in front of the children and don't deny them the opportunity to be a part of the children's lives. As the children get older they will realize and be able to make the decision about what to do. It may not take as long as you would think.

Answer 3

in the main all grandchildren are treat the same.except for my step brothers daughter. My mother and step father give her more than the other grandkids  BUT her mother died when she was 12yr old and her father (my step bro) was a cr@p  parent so they ended up doing a lot for her. None of her mothers side of the family bother with her and her dad has now cut her out of his life. She 21 now but still gets quite a bit from my mother and step father.......That's fine though she's got no one else to look out for her.....My mother and step father own 2 flats, theirs and the lower one.my step neice has the lower flat (pays rent to them) i imagine eventually she will be given the flat as her own..i'm OK about that in fact it was partly my idea she should get the flat........

as far as i'm concerned my kids have decent parents to help them get by they have my mother and step father as grandparent, my father and also my MIL..My neice has just my mother and step father.............

she's my step neice but i think of her more as a little sister........i won't have anything to do with her father and don't even count him as my step brother.

Answer 4

I was really stuck answering this. there isn't much you can do they have to want to be in your kids lives. throwing a fit saying it's not fair isn't going to help all you can do is keep being a good mom to your kids maybe if you have your husband talk to his parents about it maybe they will get the point. I'm going through the same thing with my MIL she always does that to my daughter she buys her one year old grandson better gifts then she buys for my 3 year old daughter. seriously she bought him a ride on train for his first birthday and she bought my daughter one outfit that was to small for her birthday this past july. so I know what you are going through. I told my husband about this and he agrees that his mom favors her grandson more than our daughter. I would do like I do and exhange the grandparents gifts for something better.

Answer 5

Girl, I am in the same boat. My sons grandparents on his fathers side pull the same BS with him. They have a grandson (my & their sons,  son) & a granddaughter (their daughters child.) They literally got the granddaughter a $250 dog for her b-day & tons of other really nice things. For my sons b-day (his 9th)....& I swear this is the truth....they got him a bag of t-shirts that were on clearance at Wal-Mart. I know they were on clearance because they didn't even have the decency to remove the tags. Wal-Mart clothes are fine, but good Lord! This happens every year. I have no idea what to tell you to do about it because I don't know. Just wanted to let ya know that you're not alone.