Argument.....your perception please

Question

I know its long but please read. I need your ideas

Ok, so usually I'm the one answering these questions for the community but I need opinions today.

We've been together almost 2 years. We live together, but lately we've been getting on each other's nerves really bad. It doesn't help that the birth control I'm on has made it almost impossible to have s*x,(painful for me). But I really don't want to get off of it as I'm finally getting used to it and I'm more balanced than I've been in a long time. So..... last night We're in bed together reading (different books) and I finished the book I've been reading so I pull out my journal and begin writing about the book and stuff I related to etc. Well he said something about its like baiting someone to read your journal if you're writing right in front of them. (Please, I wasn't even writing about him) So basically he said it wasn't right for me to write in front of him that I needed to be in private for that. I disagreed, I thought he should see that I was comfortable just laying in bed with him writing. I have a great knack for removing myself from the situation and being somewhere else when I write, so I didn't even think about it. Long story short, I put my journal away and go to bed - he goes out to the living room to watch tv.

This morning I'm making waffles for me for breakfast (he doesn't eat breakfast) and he asks me if I can fill out a survey for him or something. I said yes, and I started singing, and he was like can't you ever just be serious. Ok, I suffer, (not really suffer) from depression ( I choose to look at is as a gift, a way for me to capitalize on my happiness when I'm happy, I make the most of the good days - and on the bad days I just think about the good days and know they will come) That being said, If I'm in a good mood. I don't want to be serious all the time, I want to act silly and have a good time and make the most of my good emotions.

Anyway, I'm not trying to get people on my side here cause I already know how I feel and yes this is only one side of the story. But I'd like to hear your thoughts on a solution...I'm not a fighter.

Answer 1

I have a journal too and have always struggled keeping my significant others out of it. I told them its private thoughts and emotions that sometimes change and it wouldn't be fair for them to be able to read my thoughts if I couldn't read theirs. For some reason this didn't help and I came to the conclusion that everyone has the curiosity to know what other people are "really" thinking. So I ended up writing in the journal in private and hiding it. I know this is hard to do, expessially when you really have some ideas you want to put down, but even so put your self in the other persons place. As far as your sexual problems-logically speaking birth control is so that you can have s*x more freely, so if your birth control is causing you pain when you have s*x its kind of a oximoron. Talk to your doctor and see if there isn't a form of birth control that is better suited for you, so that s*x is more enjoyable. As far as you singing in the morning. It sounds like he was just in a grouchy mood. Don't change your mood to match his. I think you have a good attitude on how to face your depression.

Relationships is all about compramise sometimes. You may need to change a litlle here and there on how you do things, and he may need to put up with a happy waffle maker every now and then, but in time you will iron out all the wrinkles in your relationship and you'll get used to all of each others little unnerving habbits.

Answer 2

It sounds like he is more insecure about what you are writing in your journal than upset that you are "baiting" him to read it. It sounds like he is afraid you are writing about him, because he probably feels this tension between the two of you just like you do. There is nothing wrong with writing in your journal in front of him, what else are you supposed to do when you are living with someone? Go into the bathroom to have privacy to write in your journal, and for his sake? That's ridiculous. Tell him you are not writing about him, and if he's that tempted to read what you are writing, then it's his problem not yours.

I think you two need to talk about the issues you are having in your relationship. Lay everything out on the table and let him know how you are feeling, let him tell you how he is feeling. You sound like you both don't talk about your feelings to each other a lot (I could be assuming here, if so, I'm sorry), he went into the other room and you went to sleep when something happened - instead of running away from the problems like that, how about communicating them? See what he thinks about everything, and then see if you guys can find some common ground after doing that.

Answer 3

I don't think the details of the argument are the issue.  If people aren't getting along they'll always find something to argue about.  The issue is that you're getting on each others nerves a lot.

The problem is that people jump into s*x very quickly without developing enough of a relationship first.  If there's not enough love for each other as human beings, the romantic fire dies out, because that sort of love is the fuel for the romance.  Then there's nothing to do but pack it in and move on to the next relationship, where the same thing will happen.

My advice would be to stop living together.  If you want to save the relationship, stop having a sexual relationship before you're ready.  One thing that ready means is that you can be fully yourself around each other, and if these sorts of niggling arguments do come up, you can resolve them without them becoming big deals.

Answer 4

It seems to me that he would like your attention, more than you are giving him, your undivided attention.

I would try to find another kind of birth control, one that is not painful to share love.  This would also be an indication that something is wrong with the medication you are now taking.  It should never be painful.

I have always believed; if you don't take care of your own, someone else will.  If you love him and want to keep him, you should reconsider the birth control issue.

I strongly believe, the reason for him being upset with the journal and the singing, lies within the issue above.

  

Answer 5

I think I can relate to you, and put myself in your shoes with laying in bed and writing in front of your guy.  However, I am being neutral here and can see his issue from his point of view.  You are sitting right there writing, and not speaking to him, I assume, and he probably has an active imagination and curiosity about him.  And the whole point of a journal is to get those feeling out without sharing them with someone else.  So, he probably feels like you are hiding something and not letting him in on what is on the inside of you.  If you think about it, it is really a little sweet.  It sounds like he wants you to communicate and share more with him.  And this would be the perfect transition into learning more to put you two on a new level with your relationship.  

So, if you start communicating, I think things will be ok.  If not, you are probably going to catch him reading your journal.  To me it sounds as though he wants inside your head.  If you love him, I think you should let him in.  I think you will surprise yourself at the outcome.

Thanks for reading!

Answer 6

I think it's only natural that a person would be curious to know what another person is writing about in their journal, I have wondered that myself.  I don't think it should have bothered your mate that you were doing it in bed, in front of him.  He should have felt happy that you were comfortable enough to be doing something so private (for some people) in front of him.  

Answer 7

Living together causes strain on even the best relationships. Suggestions: At least one day a week get away from each other and do an activity you enjoy doing. He can go fishing or buy supplies and work on a project or whatever it is he likes to do. You can go somewhere quiet and scenic and write in your journal or do something you've been wanting to do but haven't made time for. Know that saying "Familiarity breeds contempt?" Why not rekindle the spark? Do date nights. Why not travel and discover new places together? Make a habit of asking each other pointed questions designed to help you open up. There are games that have great questions for that. Or why not invent such a game together? As for the journaling in front of him, I see no harm in that. In the case of writing about what you just read, you could explain to him, "This particular thing caught my attention and I wanted to write my thoughts so I wouldn't forget them" or something like that. If you do want to journal about him, don't do that in front of him. For that kind of journaling it's best to be alone and to hide it somewhere so he's not tempted to read it. One with a key is a good idea. Not all people make a habit of being snoopy, but even people who respect others' property tend to be tempted to read journals when they find them. The key to maintaining trust is resisting those kinds of temptations. To be on the safe side, though, reserve that kind of journaling for "out of sight, out of mind" private moments when you can escape and pour yourself into it. I hope this helps. :o)

Answer 8

he is correct if you write infrount of him he will have the urge to read it weather its about him or not but that shouldnt stop you if you are not ashamed of what you are writing. as far as you being happy and singing i dont see where that is a problem he should be happy you are in a good mood maybe you he might get lucky (teehee) with the birth control i would suggest you speak with your obgyn because s*x should not be uncomfortible and if it is then some thing needs to be looked at

Answer 9

both of you need to sit down and talk it out ive learned that fighting these things only makes it worse. there is also a chance that you both need a vacation away from each other ive learned that that does miracles too. lol take a night out with your girls. but before you do that you both still need to talk ask him why it makes him tick or how it bothers him. one of my family members is like that he gets off from a hard day at work and gets ticked off by everything i do. i could pick up the phone and he would get ticked off. i hope your  talks or vacations work.