Arguments with sisters wedding?Who's right?

Question

Me my mum and dad lived in France just over 2 years ago. My mum found out my dad was cheating so me and her moved back to the Uk. In the last 2 years he has been leading my mum along one minute he wants a divorce the next he doesnt. Shes finaly realised this after everyone telling her. My sister has just set a date for her wedding, Next year but she is already sorting out who is coming. This mystry woman who my dad has meant to be seeing, my brother and sister have seen her once. I havent seen her neither has anyone else, Well my sister has said my dad can bring her to the wedding. Her partner has said no because its not fair on my mum, nor the other guests because they will be talking about who the woman is with my dad. This has all caused arguments because my dad is now saying that it doesnt matter that he is bringing the woman because me and my brother are taking our boyfriend/girlfriends. I think this is completly different. My whole family have met my boyfriend. I have never seen this woman!! What should my sister do?

Answer 1

What your sister wants to do is up to her. If she wants to allow them to come then thats her concern. Not everyone elses. Granted yes it would be awkward for everyone to see this mystery woman. But he is her father and if she wants to allow him to bring his date its her decision to make. Its her wedding.

I am sure she would rather have her father there with his date than not there at all.

Answer 2

Tell your dad to grow up. Your sister should think of your mother's feelings.  I don't think a wedding is the best place for your mother to meet your dad's gf for the first time, it might hurt her feelings and she won't be able to enjoy her daughter's wedding.    DAD can't compare his gf to his kids bf and gf.

Can i come to the wedding to give him a piece of my mind???

Answer 3

Tell dad if he wants to come to the wedding he comes alone,  it would cause so much embarrassment to the bride and the mother of the bride, everyone will be looking and talking hushed about them!

Answer 4

Your sister has a right to invite whomever she likes--including this other woman.  It's hard to say, but it's true.  Just because YOU haven't met this woman is of no consequence really and your sister might be doing this as a way to reach out to your dad because this is an important time in her life.

The only way to deal with this is to accept it and hope that your sister seats your mom and your dad in separate tables, which would be the socially acceptable way to do it.

Answer 5

It is her wedding not yours or anyone elses.  She can invite whoever she likes.  You should not be dictating to her, let her make her own decisions and mistakes.  You can do the same when you are  paying for it.                    

Answer 6

Your sister should consider your Mum's feelings.  That's more important than this woman your Dad is seeing.  Someone should tell him so.  

Answer 7

its her wedding...but her partner should have a say too.

If she has only met this woman once, why on earth does she want her at her wedding, especially given the upset this will cause your mum.

Your sister is probably just trying to keep everyone happy. Try not to upset her by having a family row. If her partner puts his foot down, she will probably go with that. She can't risk any nonsense from any angle on the big day, so tell her to play safe and invite this woman along to lunch or something a few weeks after the event.

Answer 8

(1) If your parents aren't divorced yet, neither should probably bring guests.  However...

(2) If you mom brings a guest, it is fair that your dad should be allowed too, even considering the drama and the "fault" of his cheating on your mom.

(3) Your mom sounds like a reasonable woman with a great deal of maturity, and her current partner would probably be better served in showing his devotion by expressing his admiration of those qualities, rather than adding his two cents to the argument.  And...

(4) Hopefully everyone will behave themselves in a civilized fashion.

If the two parents want to include their current partners, sitting with them during the ceremony, the mother of the bride (and partner) would sit in the pew ahead of father of the bride (and partner).  Or if that's too chummy, then BOTH current partners should be relegated to sitting with the guests.

Answer 9

Your sister inviting the mystery woman, with whom your father was probably cheating on your mother, is awkward at best and inconsiderate at worst, but is entirely your sister's decision. Granted, that choice may lead to family drama which may distract the attendees from the marriage itself, but that's the risk she has to be willing to run.

It's too late for you to do anything, just accept the decision, and prepare for the wedding.

Answer 10

Address the invite to dad and "guest." He can bring whomever he wants - depending on the date of the wedding they might not even be together anymore. If you dad gives your sister away, though, his "guest" does NOT sit in the front row with your mother - she sits with the regular guests, not the family.

Answer 11

In my opinion it is totally inappropriate for your dad to bring his date to your sister's wedding.  Your mum and dad are not even divorced yet!  Your dad must understand that this is a special occasion for family only.  If I were your mum I would feel humiliated - I totally understand how your mum would feel.  Your dad should come alone and show some respect towards your sister, the wedding and your mother.  The fiancee is completely right.  Does your sister really think her dad would miss his own daughter's wedding over his girlfriend?  

Answer 12

At least there is one adult in the family hooray to your sister,if you bang on about this woman they will think you give a $hit,INDIFFERENCE is always the winner

Answer 13

I think your dad ought to understand that this is a family occasion and that being the father he should be more understanding that to bring his new girlfriend would not just upset you, but more importantly your mum.  It is a totally different situation to you or your brothers and sisters having girlfriends/boyfriends.  The reason for the family living apart/splitting up is due to his mistress, the last thing he should do at a family occasion is bring her.

I really hope he wakes up and sees sense, this should be a happy occasion for the family and friends, bringing his mistress would make a lot of people uncomfortable on what should be a happy occasion, not to mention the mistress herself.

Hope all goes well.

:)

Answer 14

Your sister can invite who she wants to her own wedding but it's kind of contradictory.  She is inviting someone who broke up a home and marriage to the celebration of her marriage?  People will probably talk but they'll all know she is "the other woman" so I would think it would be more embarrassing to be here and show up.

Answer 15

She needs to decide whose feelings are more important to her - her mother's, or this woman's. Since your parents are not divorced (from what I can tell, they're just separated?), it is against etiquette for your father to bring a date.

You're correct - it is completely different for you to bring a boyfriend vs. your father bringing this woman.

Talk to your sister. Ask her if it's worth hurting your mum's feelings to allow your father this date. Also point out that the date's presence may cause unnecessary drama at her wedding. If your father's girlfriend has any class at all, she will understand why she shouldn't be there.

Answer 16

Although it is her wedding and should be her decision, CALMLY (I cannot stress that word enough) sit her down and make sure she realizes what an awkward situation that will be. If she still doesn't budge, have a family event a few months before the wedding, like a big birthday party or something, and invite the mystery woman so she can become acquainted to the family. That should make the wedding itself less awkward.

Answer 17

I think she's doing this, to make sure her father is at her wedding. I'm sure that is very important to her and he seems to be rather stubborn. Sorry, but none of you have a say, especially if she's made up her mind, it's her wedding. Either except it or don't go, the situation seems stressful enough.

Jenxx

Answer 18

I know every family has different ways of dealing with things like this but my opinion would be my mum can come my dad can come, they don't have to sit at the same table if they dont want to but they can not bring partners with them (unless your mum and dad have already socially accepted the others new partner(s)) it sounds to me that your mum would be really upset that she has to attend a wedding knowing this other women would be there and that would just be miserable for her.

Hope the wedding goes well either way....

Answer 19

Ultimately it is up to your sister, but I think she's being inconsiderate if she allows your father to bring this woman...Just MHO

Answer 20

If I were your sister I wouldn't invite the woman - period.

Technically your dad is committing adultery because he is by law still married to your mum. And if he had to come to the wedding with his "mistress" what message is he sending out to his other kids and to your sister who is getting married?

I think he can survive a day without the woman and should come alone and make an effort to socialise with the rest of the family.

Answer 21

It's okay for you and your brother to bring your guests. Your dad on the other hand is a big no-no, your mom and dad aren't even divorced yet...some people will gossip about this if he does bring the "other" woman. I feel bad for your mom a whole bunch, cheating is a cruel thing to go through.  Your sister shouldn't invite your dad's new fling. But it's your sisters wedding also...she can do whatever she pleases.

Answer 22

its her wedding its her decision  

Answer 23

Your sister should not invite your dad either because he is a rat.  His brain is located on the tip of his p e n i s.

Answer 24

whatever she wants - it's her wedding

Answer 25

it seems as thought the other woman is the ONLY ONE with the decency to see the downside of her coming to your sis' wedding. Its not about your dad rubbin anything in your mom's face - its otu of respect. that's the woman your dad has been having s*x with and has chosen over your mother. Your sis should have thought of that before - its almost as though she has no consideration for your mother. Your dad...how childish is he?? you weren't the ones to cheat on your mom with your bf/gf...he was - totally irrellevant. Someone should point that out to him. You should all listen to the other woman & let her stay out of it...like she suggested.

Answer 26

well from my point of view I think your sister is wrong... she really shouldn't invite the 'other woman' out of respect for your mom HOWEVER it is HER wedding and she has a right to invite anyone she wants and if she says it's ok then everyone just has to deal with that. If anything I would say your dad is the one at fault for even thinking of letting this woman come

Answer 27

Your Dad is wrong.  His lady friend is using her noggin by saying that she should not attend.  Dad needs to use his too and respect this woman's smarts.

Answer 28

Your father should use his common sense, and come on his own

I understand his feelings, its probably insecurity because he knows people will avoid him,... and with his new partner it will be someone to talk to, and hold on.

Your sister loves her dad, and understands his predicament,

best all round if he comes on his own, but you must reassure him that he will not be abandoned

Answer 29

If your mom and dad are still legally married (meaning they have not yet obtained a divorce) then he can NOT bring his girlfriend to the wedding. That is immoral, and it will cause a huge controversy on the wedding day and cause all sorts of gossip and commotion among the guests. However, if your dad and mom ARE legally divorced, then yes he CAN bring a new girlfriend. However, if she is the woman who he cheated with--then he can NOT bring her AT ALL. That will be immoral and a slap in the face to your sister's entire wedding. Why would your sister want to bring a mistress to her own wedding? If the mistress had any class, she would stay home.

The best solution is this: Your Mom and Dad should NOT bring any dates to the wedding at all, even if they are legally divorced. Mom should not bring a date, and Dad should not bring a date. They should both focus on celebrating their daughter, and all the attention should be on the daughter!! Keep the dates home!! Unless they are engaged to their dates, it will look tasteless and tacky to see their "dates" in the daughter's wedding photos 3 years from now, when they have broken the realtionships off, and begin dating new people. Tell Mom and Dad to grow up, and leave their dates home.