Okay so this is really long..but please read it....
I have been off and on with this male aries ever since I was 14. We are both 20 now, and like..from age 14 to 18, we were always kind of off and on..I would break up with him, he never broke up with me, EVER...then id get with someone else, and he would get with someone else, so we would ignore each other, but when we were with the other people, if we hung out with each other or talked, we would end up breaking up with the other people we were with and getting back with each other, once more. This cycle repeated for awhile. About a year ago, he confessed that he is in love with me and always has been..when he said that, he was dating another girl at the time, and I was dating another guy..when he told me that..I told him to call the girl up, tell her we were hanging out at that very moment, and that everything he said about me to her was a lie and that I'm a good person, and that he is still in love with me. And so he did...I ended up turning him down, and telling him that I was in love with the guy I was dating at the time. After he told the other girl the truth, she contacted my boyfriend that I was with at the time, and told him that...me and him were hanging out..and just basically trying to ruin the relationship just because hers and my x's were over cause of what he told her...So I started to cry..and well he ended up calling the guy I was with, leaving a message..and telling him that him and I weren't hanging out at all, and that the girl he just broke up with is just psycho, and that she is just starting drama..(Truth is I didn't want him to know I was hanging with my x, but eventually he said it was fine if I ever wanted to cause he trusted me)....
Well that relationship ended with the guy I thought I was in love with..and now I'm single again..and so is my on again-off again x of four years..and well..we hung out this week..at least 4 times..no touching or kissing involved...just friends hanging out...and we'd go shopping, and every time we'd shop, he'd only buy what I said looked good on him...or try to get me things..and when we went into the store..the employee asked if we were dating because he only kept buying what I liked on him...and I said no we did date but now we are just friends..and she was like..well maybe the flame will rekindle, or maybe it just hasnt burnt out yet...and we both kind of just laughed..
Anyways..last night he invited me over to his house last night..asked me to stay the night..so I did..when we were in bed...we were just talking..and laughing about the past..and then we stopped and just looked in to each others eyes, and without hesitating...I grabbed his hand..and held it in mine against me..and then I smiled..and he smiled, too..and then I just let go of his hand..cupped his face with hand and kissed him....and he kissed me back...and then it eventually lead up to making out..and then cuddling..and then off to sleep...
But what I'm really trying to ask is...why do we keep going in this cycle? this lets break up ignore each other get back together, cycle? do we really still love each other? can the flame rekindle? did it ever really even burn out? why don't we talk to each other when we are with other people? why do i constantly keep breaking up with him? why do we keep getting led back to eachother?
All help would be appreciated, and please, no stupid sarcastic answers..
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