Army wife to be, please fill me in...?

Question

My husband just joined the Army active duty. He is still doing his MOS right now but I might be moving as early as november. I am exited but sad to leave my family. I'm just wonder what the community is going to be like and what it is going to be like when my husband is deployed for my 2 year old son and I. I want to have more children in the future but I am nervous about what if my kids aren't as close as i want them to be with their father. Also is there a difference if you live off base?If you have any personal experience like another Army wife or family member please fill me in on what I can look forward to.

Answer 1

GOOD LUCK! I hate to say this but most military wives are HORRIBLE!  my brother is in the Marines, and his wife is a typical military wife.  Very rude, selfish, annoying, and a pathological liar  Clearly, if you are asking this, you aren't the typical military wife, and I thank you for that!  The only advice I can give you is be very nice to everyone, don't pick sides (it is JUST like high school drama) and keep your "civilian wife" friends closer than the army wives.  They will be the ones who will actually help you through the tough times.  TRUST ME! Also, please don't act like you're marriage is harder than others, because that is not true.  I doubt you will, but I have been around many army/marine wives, and they look down on me because my husband is not in the military.

When your husband deploys, you and your son will continue living your regular lives! You will get your hubby's checks and living off of his salary.  I would recommend living off base from the get go.  It is much calmer!

I would like to wish you luck, and thank your husband for me! He is the reason this country is so great!

Answer 2

it is hard at first. you feel alone, scared, depressed. like you dont fit in and you are the only one in your situation. but your not.

i felt scared, happy and sad. i was happy to have the feeling of being taken care of. no worried about housing, insurance and income. sad because i knew we would have to move and leave our family and friends and scared of the unknown.

i think that is what you are, scared of the unknown. it is hard putting a smile on your face and acting excited for him because you dont know where all this can lead. but if your marriage is strong, you will find a way to be too.

being home alone is difficult, but you get used to it. i still check the locks every night, leave the light on in the kitchen, and still i get sad when i feel that cold spot in bed. i try to find things to keep my mind busy. i started back at school to get my masters, keep myself busy with our 8 month old son. I joined an online army wives support group as well.

but it is a way of life. you might never get used to him being gone. but i always think he will be back. luckily right now he is home with us.

you may think now you cant go on living without him. but you will find strength in yourself for you and your children. never think about what could happen. dont worry about the shoulda, coulda, woulda's in life. you cant control that.

With children it is just important to make them understand that their daddy loves them. there are dolls that a few companies make that can look like your husband, videos to help them understand.

often it is better for you to live on base if you have younger children. this way you are closer to any play groups and wives groups. but it just depends on your base and where the base is located. after basic he will be told where you will be stationed. once you find out, right away, go online and look it up. remember you will get BAH based on the zip code you will be living in. sometimes the cost of living so is greater on base, it will save you an arm and leg to live on. just do your homework of the area.

also there is an online group i go to www.armywives.com. great website with wives who have just been married to wives who have be a Army wife for over 10 years. or me who i was an USMC wife for 7 years before this.

its hard to plan your life around the ruomors of the Army. we wanted more children and know dh will be home for at least another two years in school. so we are having all our children now so they will at least have the first couple of years with their dad before he will have to deploy.

good luck

Answer 3

Rather you than me, sweetie. If a military man asked me to marry him I'd run a mile.

Answer 4

Don't listen to the pessimists.  Life is what you make of it anywhere, any time, especially as a military spouse.  It's normal to be scared and nervous about this lifestyle but it really is pretty exciting, too. There is a lot to learn but if you let people who have already been there help you out it's a lot easier.  

When your husband gets to his first duty station look for the commands ombudsman to help point you in the right direction.  The ombudsman is a spouse (like you) who the command has chosen to be a go between for the unit and the families.  She's taken a pretty intensive course in what the military offers for spouses and takes training every month to stay updated.  She has volunteered to help guide spouses to the resources they need to make life easier.  Note that I said volunteer though.  She's got a life just like you and has agreed to help on top of all that.  Some people expect the ombudsman to be there 24/7 for every little problem.  That's not her roll.  She won't take your car in to get the engine fixed while your DH is deployed but she can guide you to Army Relief for a loan to get the work done and maybe even be able to get with the FRG Helping Hands Committee to arrange child care and a ride to the mechanic.

The FRG (Family Readiness Group) is another group of spouses set up to help make things easier.  It's usually run by an elected board as well as advisers from some of the officers spouses.  As you've seen in some of the answers getting together with other military spouses can have a bad rep but I've made some of my best friends at every duty station through the FRG.  They usually plan activities to support the unit as well as the families.  Getting involved is a great way to get information, stay busy and make friends.

On base or off base depends a lot on your area and pay grade.  Sometimes you have no choice as there are long waiting lists for base housing.  If you do have a choice its a good idea to look at housing and some apartments.  Sometimes you can make money if you can rent a safe place for less than DH's BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing).  Just remember that off base you'll have to pay all utilities out of that money while on base you usually only have to pay phone and cable.  Sometimes living on base will give you a bigger house than living off base will.  Oh, and even if you decide to live off base check with the base housing office.  They often have lists of landlords who like to rent to military.  To stay on the list they have to have good records of working with service members and they sometimes offer breaks in the rent or deposits.

How well your DH bonds with his kids is mostly up to him.  If he's a hands on dad when he's home and makes an effort to maintian contact with you and his kid(s) when he's gone he should be OK.