As a AP, what is your feeling on your child looking for thier birth parents?

Question

My mom is okay with it. As a matter of fact, she has been very supportive of my wants. They have told me everything they know and I know they will be behind me the entire way. They do realize that I was almost five and I had those questions coming into the adoption.

Answer 1

I will be okay with it, and even have birth parents name and information to share when they are old enough.  (by old enough I mean in their teens, as they were foster care adoptions and we wont allow them contact when they are younger due to safety issues.  (court ordered)

Answer 2

my kids are in their 20s and have not cared much about their birthparents.  my daughter is now wanting to find out her ethnic heritage, if she can.  I support them and answer their questions as much as I can.  I don't see it as a rejection of me, but a normal curiosity about where their ancestors came from.

Answer 3

Our situation is a bit different because we are in contact with our children's first family.  They were adopted at school age via international adoption.  

Anyway, if it were a different situation, I would be supportive.  I think there's nothing wrong with looking for your roots and wanting to meet the family that gave you birth.  I would be there if every wish and expectation was met and I would be there if it wasn't.  

Good luck!

Answer 4

I would certainly support my daugther in any way possible if and when she decides to pursue this.  (She is two and a half now)

Answer 5

I'd encourage it if he wanted to and help him as much as possible I can understand why someone would be curious about who gave birth to them

Answer 6

My son is 5, and understands who his bmom is, she is my cousin and we have tried to have an open arrangement, but when we planned visits she never showed.  I have given her our phone number and address several times, but no letters or calls.  I have added her as a friend on one of my sites so she can go and see pictures if she likes.  I guess because she is my family, and we have been open with our son about this that he really would not have to look far.  My feelings would be hurt though if he becomes an adult and suddenly she is there when all this time we have wanted her to come around.

As for the birth father, truth is he never really ask.   The bfather knew he was the dad, was at the hospital, gave him his first name, but then after he become abusive to my cousin and she kicked him out he left.  The state had to track him down to even take a DNA test because then he denied the baby.  Even after it was established he was the father he had a chance to take custody of my son, but instead skipped out of state and said he wanted nothing to do with him.  So I guess it would bother me some if my son wanted to look for a man who denied him and left him, but no matter what I would have to be there for my son.

Answer 7

My children are not at the age where they would

consider this ( all under 18 ) but ...........!!!!!!

It is a very realistic thing for adoptive parents to

consider.

My oldest girl is my biological daughter and my

second is my husband's. I adopted her when

her own Mom died.

I also have two adopted boys and we are scheduled

to adopt again this summer..a little girl !

My husband & I are not threatened by the children

ultimately seeking their birth parents. Of course, we

have a long way to go before we encounter this issue,

as our oldest girl is 14 and my youngest is 4.

Adoption has been a wonderful route for us and I truly

thank the ppl who allowed us to become a family.

Answer 8

We did an open adoption just because of this reason. We see my sons birth mother as often as possible, and we have a great relationship. He will grow up knowing his entire family (birth and adoptive).  He will never have to go out and find anyone.

I am glad your mom is being supportive.  I know some AP are afraid that their children will no longer love them once they find their birth parents.  But I think if you are open, honest, and loving, your adoptive children will never leave you.

Answer 9

I will support my son 100%. We won't have far to look because last I knew, his original Mother lives about 30 miles away from us. His original father passed away a year and a half ago.

I have a copy of his original birth certificate and I also cut the obituary out of the paper when his Grandfather (original Mother's father) passed away. So he has a listing of all the aunts & uncles when he begins his search.

He has regular contact with his family in his original Father's side of the family. He actually just came home after spending Spring Beak with his oldest brother.

My son is 13 and has already expressed an interest in meeting his original Mother, but his councelor does not think he is ready to meet her yet.

Answer 10

My children were all adopted at the ages of 18 mos., 2 years and almost 3 years.... so they knew for the most part, that they had other parents - both birth and foster. Those are all relationships that we needed to validate with our children. My oldest son is the one who has always talked about meeting his birthmom. We have always been open and honest about what we know about his parents. We even have a few cards and letters that were sent to them that they love going through. I would absolutely support my childrens search as well as actively participate in it. I have to put myself in their shoes.... and also, how can I be threatened by someone who has given me the chance to be a mom to the most precious children? I'd love to meet them and thank them... I also have questions as an adoptive mom for their birthparents, so I am sure they have so many more that they will need answered someday. 100% supportive!

Answer 11

My children will never have to look.  They will and do know their first parents.  I feel that my children's first parents are just as important to them as I am.  Good luck with your search.  I hope you find them soon!

:)

Answer 12

It's akin to folks who are not adopted researching their genealogy.

Everyone has a right to know their origins.

My DD knows....if she did not I would support "our" search 110%.  I say our search because I would want to meet her mom to and make her feel welcomed in our family.

Answer 13

Every one of my adult adoptee friends searched, so when we adopted, I found my son's mother as soon as I could.  

We adopted internationally, so I had to--  first, make sure that my adoption was ethical (It was, she assured us she was not paid, she was not coerced. She gave us her reasons, which I won't share because they're very private about my son & his father).

Also,  I knew that with international adoption, the longer you wait, the more difficult it is to find someone. Within six months, Mom had already moved, but people knew where she'd gone. She now has our contact information and we pay someone so that whenever she goes to his office, he'll contact us for her.

We were told again & again that it was none of our business and we should let our son decide about searching when he was eighteen.  I felt like with international adoption, if you wait fifteen years, you've really let the trail go cold.  Also, I wanted to be sure that if his Mom needed help, we were there for her as soon as possible. We've been trying to support her so she could take care of her other children.

With my other adoption, we adopted older children and we were able to meet their family. We actually chose the country because of that. If you can meet the family, and you adopt older children who can tell their own story, you can be reasonably certain that the story you're told is true.  I never wanted the situation where my kids met their mom & came back to me saying I had stolen them.

Answer 14

read the book The face on the milk carton by caroline b, cooney

Answer 15

I feel just as your parents do then.  I will be behind my son 100%.  I think it's good to find things out...  you need answers.  You deserve answers.  Good luck with your search.