As a Christian, how can I end my struggle with anger and resentment?

Question

I have tried to deal with this, but I still struggle with it, and these feelings seem to overtake me. I have tried staying in church, but it seems like something is said or preached in church that just makes it worse for me. I either hear someone sounding patrionizing to people in my position, or they say something as fact that hasn't worked for me. I don't want to be this type of person, but I am having difficulty changing. Have you dealt with this? What did you do?

Answer 1

You maybe are being convicted, you may feel guilty. That's okay, because we all do. All of us have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

We own our own feelings. We decide how we will feel. Once you get angry write down that you are angry, who you are angry with and then write down why you are angry. That is naming it, claiming it and dumping it.

Forgiveness is the only answer to anger that has become resentment.

Forgivenss is giving up the right to punish someone, for that is God's job.

To forgive we make the mental decision to forgive first, then we pray for the person we are forgiving and their whole family.

Every time resentment rears it's ugly head, we remind ourselves of our decision to forgive and we pray again, eventually forgiveness will work it's way into our hearts and we are at peace finally.

Resentment lives in our heads rent free, until we forgive, in other words we think about who we are angry with all the time, they are the last ones we think of before we go to sleep and the first one who comes to mind upon waking. Yeck! Not pleasant.

We forgive because that is what God tells us to do.

Jesus says to love God first and second to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

Here is what the Holy Bible says love is:

1Cr 13:1   If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.  

1Cr 13:2   If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody.  

1Cr 13:3   If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.  

1Cr 13:4   Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud  

1Cr 13:5   or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.  

1Cr 13:6   It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  

1Cr 13:7   Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  

1Cr 13:8   Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear.  

1Cr 13:9   Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little!  

1Cr 13:10   But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.  

1Cr 13:11   It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.  

1Cr 13:12   Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.  

1Cr 13:13   There are three things that will endure-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love.  

Answer 2

Resentment comes from unforgiveness - hey, hold, cos im not having a go at you - I have been there - that is why I feel qualified to answer.

In my case, my resentments led to bittereness. I used to get on my own nerves at times! This was a time when I was away from the Lord for a period of 5 years.

I came to a place in my life, where I realised 'who was I to withhold forgiveness from another? Hadn't I been forgiven by God so many times?

I realised that it was a position of pride to withhold unforgiveness and to be resentful and bitter. I realised afresh just how much I had been forgiven, - it was a soul-searching time, but I was at a place to be real and honest with myself. Within a very short time after dealing with it, I was given the test of all tests! My 12 year old son lay in a hospital bed, after a tragic accident, and just weeks before, someone who had been involved with my family, who I had been very kind to, had said to him "I wish you were dead"! My son had only told me this days before his accident, and whilst he was on a life-support machine, the person who had said this, had sent a message to me asking if she could come and see him. My initial reaction was -'No' and I felt the anger rise as I thought what she had said to him, and here he was...about to die! Because this person was the girlfriend of another son of mine, it was agreed she could come, and during the prayer time (with the elders of our church, around my sons' bed) stood this girl - we were asked by one of the elders to all hold hands as we prayed as a sign of unity. I didn't want to hold her hand, and i argued with the Lord, but He urged me to trust Him. I did, and then I heard the Holy Spirit say, 'Tell her you love her" - again I had a wrestle with 'self' but I knew that if I didn't do this, then i would remain bitter, and would make it much harder to deal with the grief which I was encountering and about to encounter. I obeyed the Holy Spirit's voice, and even as I pulled at her elbow to bring her ear to mine, I didn't FEEL I wanted to. In fact, I told the Holy Spirit that I would be a hypocrite if I said it, cos I didn't mean it. However, I stepped out in faith as the Holy Spirit again urged me to 'trust Him'. I did, and as I did - I felt something in the pit of my stomach, and then a huge release of love for this girl. We hugged and cried...and 10 years on, i still love her. You see, she needed to be forgiven as much as I need to forgive! Can you imagine how she felt, knowing what she had said to my son .... ?

It is something this girl will never remember, and my prayer is that one day that incident will bear fruit, and that she will come to the Lord!

I trust my story will help you in some way!

God bless you!

Answer 3

this is where praying and fasting comes in. when God sees the sincerity of your heart He will give you your hearts desire

Answer 4

First keep in mind that we are all at our own levels. Each of our situations in life are different. I listened to a book on tape where a boy was trying to understand and forgive his father for leaving the family. He struggled with it for years. He prayed daily. It wasnt until he was in his own family with his own kids and God opened his eyes that his father missed out on the joys of his involvement in his family. At that turning point he was able to completely forgive his father and have compassion because of all what he missed out on as a father. Some times our minds have to be conditioned to the right spot to have better understanding and perspective.

When I have found my self angry I try to focus on the strict facts. Don't let any ifs and thens leak into your beliefs about the situation. I find it liberating to go and ask questions about facts. I have seen questions about facts bring light on how a situation shows people stumble in their personal attempts of growth or how a misunderstanding has a humorous side.

The other thing to do is not let the mind work too hard. I have seen people do this all the time. Unless a comment is intended to have something in the back ground it is not good to try to figure out what people are really saying. For example If a person is in a transition from home to college and is asked when they are moveing. Don't assume that they are wanting that person gone. I have seen that the people who share the most misery are those that read between the lines and behind the words to find what people are really trying to say. In other words everything is not ment as a personal attack.

I have found that people are forgiving if it is sought after.

Answer 5

Try atheism it seems to help most people .

Answer 6

I get upset way too often especially in church when they tell me how to live my life.

So I try to remember that I go to church to pray not to listen to the whims of what other people say.  

They are wrong and they generalize.  When the priest does the mass I am good but when they do the homily and start talking about how I should do this or that makes me want to get up and leave.  Sometimes you get a good priest who talks about the mass being celebrated, the saint who it is said for and instructs people on the history and significance of the mass-- I am fine with that. But when they start going off on a tangent and start talking about things that don't pertain then I get annoyed.  Remember to go there to be silent and pray. I like going to mass alone and I do not want to be bothered.  I like the gregorian chant and the old looking traditional churches with the insense--that stuff keeps me focused so I can concentrate on God and prayer. I especially like the Gregorian chant, any other music distracts me.

Answer 7

First off, who are you angry at and for what reason? You dont believe the things they say because you are a non-believer. Welcome to the fray. And I thought FB was smarter than that.

Answer 8

Stop trying and let God....

Before you dismiss me as patronizing you are going it on you own steam... speaking from experience...

Pray and confess it to God and ask HIM to deal with it. stop struggling to fix it... if you stay faithful to prayer and confession God will be faithful to complete the good work he has begun in you!

Answer 9

I hear you...been there myself. Anger and Resentment are both Spirits.  If you are not being built up at your church, don't feel badly about leaving it and finding one more suitable for you. Take your eyes off the people who cannot save you and look for Christ in the Church.

You have to take your burdens and give them to Jesus. Let go of it.  Who ever and what ever you are angry with may not even know it. The only one hurting is you.  If nothing else let go of it for yourself, it distracts you, and affects your own health.  Forgive them and go on!

Answer 10

Memorize 1 Cor 13:4-7

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It has helped me so many times. I recite it throughout the day and before going to sleep. After a week or two your heart will soften up and not get so angry as before.

Answer 11

All of us, either we accept it or not, have gone through some kind of struggle like yours, the reasons don't matter.  Don't let it overtake you, read positive things, listen to positive music, think on positive thing, otherwise you'll doom yourself.  If you have been able to tell us what you're going through, it means you CAN change it. Don't let the negative issues to win, it's not fair. Like my grandfather use to tell us:

"If your problems *have* a solution, face them and solve them; but, if your problems *don't have* a solution, face the fact and LET GO."  

Answer 12

I used to struggle w/forgiveness, but two things have helped me.  One is to really meditate on what the Word of God says.  Meditate on verses like James 1:19:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to becoming angry.  They will help you redirect your focus in a positive way.

Second, look at the example of Christ's love.  He was nailed to a cross by a group of betrayers and hateful people.  Yet he prayed, "God forgive them, for they know not what they do."  Wow!  He is someone that had every right to be angry and resentful.  But His love compelled Him.  You should strive to have that love in your heart as well.  It will take time, but if you're committed you will reach your goal.

Answer 13

I was the same way. I use to have a streak of anger a mile long. At first, I vented it through street fighter II. Though it helped, what truly helped was prayer to Jehovah God, study and meditation of His word, regular meeting attendance, and regular ministering to others. I am allot calmer now. And definitely not as mean as I use to be. Though those worked the best, you might also want to talk w/ a psychiatrist.

Answer 14

First of all, you are a child of God and God knows you personally. Second Jesus Christ is the Savior of all and suffered for all sins in the Garden of Gesthemane. It is not up to us to kneel on our own two knees and ask for forgiveness to ourselves and others. Only the power of forgiveness can take that heavy burden and those tears you drop next to your bed will be right in line with those drops of blood Jesus Christ spilt for you. My heart goes out to you and if you have a moment go to http://www.mormon.org and listen to all these folks stories and see if one can help you better understand how much God and Jesus Christ love you. God bless you for your desire to change.

Answer 15

TRy different churches...Myself I dislike legalism so Im Methodist...I spent 20 yrs in a cult...NEVER again....dont go to a church that allows members to police and judge others....

Answer 16

Maybe you want to stop being angry and simply don't know how or even why you are angry. Are you Lonesome or abandoned? Did someone embarrass you? Numbers 22:29 and it is okay to be angry. John 2:15-26..when you are lonely Read Psalm 23. God does think about you, even if nobody else does. Psalm 139:17...be in peace.

You can get over it:  When you start to think about what Is making you angry, switch gears, do something else and don't dwell on it.  Find others to help, that are weaker than yourself.  Use your energy to make positive changes, for yourself or others.  That's how you can use love in place of anger at injustice.

Answer 17

give up the religion come to atheism!

Answer 18

You have to find out and do what works for you. Take your time, try new things, cheers!

Answer 19

You are either acting out of fear, or out of love. The Bible commands us to be angry and sin not.

(Eph 4:26) "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:"

This is talking about the anger that a father might have toward his son, because his son was doing something that would hurt him. This is anger done out of love. God gives us the spirit of love.

(2Ti 1:7) "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

If you have received the spirit of love, then you have been with God. Notice the other two things mentioned with love. It says that with love comes power. It's not talking about position over people, it's talking about power over your spirit. You gain power over your spirit, when you receive the love of God.

I would suggest that you work on loving God, and loving people. If you can master this, then you have mastered your emotions.

Answer 20

wow you are human and these are normal issues, I know we pray for forgiveness every sunday in church but when you get home.. same old same old, its human nature. maybe you can read a self help book.I would reccomend either of these "dealing with people you cant stand" or one of the dummies book has one too, they might be helpful

Answer 21

Just let it out in a positive way. Like in a ritual or yell at the moon. Beat on a pillow. Visualize what makes you angry being torn to shreds. Keep reinforcing that vision until it is out of your system. Then you will feel much better. You don't need to suffer emotionally because of what the church says if you don't like it just reject it it is no big deal.

They claim to give you freedom. WELL YOU HAVE FREEDOM. hope this helps.  

Answer 22

I left the Christian church.

You already see that their supposed "fixes" don't work.  Clinical studies, many done by CHRISTIANS, have proven that prayer DOES NOT WORK.

So... why don't you think outside the box for a bit.  Consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe... Christianity has been lying to you.  

You don't have to be an atheist.  You just have to make informed decisions about who and what you're going to believe.