As a Mom, would you ever take you child for their first haircut with out telling the Dad or having him there?

Question

My wife took our 14 month old son for his first haircut while I was at work without even mentioning it to be. I have a picture of my Dad holding me for my first haircut and she took that experience from me. She doesn't understand why I am uspet. Am I off base or is she completely insensitive?

Answer 1

i did the same thing, and my husband didn't care. but i'm not saying that you're over-reacting..it was important to you, and most probably didn't even realize this.  you'll have plenty of other "first-time" to attend to...don't worry....and don't go too harsh on your wife. i'm sure she didn't mean to upset you.

Answer 2

I don't think milestones like this need to be "discussed beforehand" about importance to you. Obviously a parent wants to see their childs every first and she did take that from you. Especially since it can be scary for some kids and parents want to be there to make their child feel better. I would be extremely furious too. In my eyes you are NOT off base. If my boyfriend took my son to get a hair cut, I would kill him.

Answer 3

Have you expressed this to her before she took him? If you haven't told her how precious that time with your dad was and that you want to experience that with your son, she may not have known or realized.

But if you have and she did this, then it could have been an honest mistake of forgetting that you wanted to be there.

She does need to understand your feelings and perhaps you can make plans for next time together to go to the barber.  I feel for you. I know you're upset and it would be upsetting to me too. You're not off base with being upset. Totally understandable, but perhaps she didn't do this on purpose to hurt you. She could have plum forgot. And as sad as that could be, may be you can sit her down and explain to her why it hurts, and that next time you would like to be there.  I hope she listens with her heart and understands.

Answer 4

no you have every right to be upset

Answer 5

Did she know you wanted to go? These are things that you have to tell her...what's important to you may not be a big deal for her...

Answer 6

Personally I would not have given it a second thought...but sometimes my head runs off in the clouds and I probably would be likely to do that. I guess to me it's not a big deal it's just a haircut, my cousin had to get his 1st haircut at the hospital before he went home (he had TONS of hair) and I'm not sure if his parents were there or not, but to me no it's not a big deal if my b/f went without telling me i would not have the slightest problem with it. But I can somewhat understand where you are coming from...sorry but there's nothing you can do about it now...maybe you should take him somewhere for his 1st time and not tell her. Sorry I'm not more helpful maybe she'll be more understanding.

Answer 7

I just did that this weekend.  The salon was having an outdoor cut-a-thon with moon bounces and a music tent, and I thought it was the perfect opporunity for a first haircut with all the distractions, and a nice reward in sight.  So yes, I did this.  

But I can see why you are upset.  My husband has no sentiment towards it.  

Maybe you can take him for his next hair cut to make up for the one  you missed because it means so much.  Does it really matter if it was the 1st or the 2nd, just as long as you go next time.

Answer 8

Since when are first haircuts a milestone to be celebrated?

I think you are over sensitive.  Your wife probably saw that it was  time for the little guy to get a hair cut so she took him.  I don't think that she did it out of malice or spite.

Answer 9

She should have told you what she had planned so you could share the experience if you wanted. Was she trying to surprise you or just being inconsiderate? Could it be in her family they did not cherish those mildstones along way?

Answer 10

I took my daughter to her first haircut by myself. I probably told my husband beforehand, but I very well may not have because I know he wouldn't care.

But obviously it was a special occasion for you. Did your wife know how important it was for you? If she knew and did it without you, then she's callous and insensitive. But if she had absolutely no idea, then I'd say you're overreacting.

Answer 11

I would want my husband to be there, especially for the 1st one.

Insensitive? Not sure, did she know you wanted to go with her for the 1st haircut?

Answer 12

I am sure she did not do this knowing that it would hurt you in any way.  As Mom's we are the ones who initiate all new things, such as I am sure it was your wife who decided when it was time to feed solids, or time to switch to whole milk, or pretty much any other new thing.  But to get personal for a minute, I think you both are at fault for this turing into a problem.  You need to apologize for being angry about something that isn't that important and she should resolve to discuss things like this with you ahead of time in the future.

Answer 13

Any baby's first experience should have both parents present. I wouldn't plan on doing anything with my child without my Husband knowing about it. You have the right to be upset because she totally just ignored you and didn't tell you before hand what her intentions were. She failed to communicate with you which makes her insensitive.

Answer 14

You have every right to be upset.  The first hair cut is a special time for both mommy and daddy.  She should not have done that.

When he's ready for his first dentist appointment or for his first bicycle - you take him all by yourself!

Answer 15

That was insensitive.  My husband wasn't there for our son's first haircut but that was because we couldn't plan a time for him to be.  I never would have took him without at least telling my husband first.

Answer 16

LOL, thats funny! Sorry. I am guessing she didn't know what it mean't to you. I expect for her (as it would have been for me) it was just a routine chore to be done, like going for a check-up. Its actualy quite touching that you care! Most fathers wouldn't.

Answer 17

This may be a difference of perspective.  Yes you should be upset but please make it clear why you are upset and don't bring any other issues into the discussion.

You can't get that first experience back but your son's hair will continue to grow.  Make it clear to your wife that you will take your son the next time and she will bring the camera.  Get that pic and write the story on the back.  Your son will appreciate it later that even though the pic is of the second hair cut its because it was important to you.

I swear I don't know why some women don't think about the bonding that men need to have with their sons.  Don't fight about this just take steps to satisfy the situation.  Also don't use the phrase 'completely insensitive'  them's fighten words. You wouldn't like her saying that about you.

Answer 18

I did the same thing as well and my husband was very upset. Looking back now, I think he had the right to be, because as he explained its sort of the dad's right of passage to take his son for the first hair cut just as you will teach him to shave.

Sorry you had that experience taken from you, but you will have many more to come.

Answer 19

My husband was in Iraq when I wanted to get our son's first haircut, but I wanted to wait until he got back so we could all share it together. I think it bothered him more that I waited for him instead of just getting it done.

I don't think you are off base at all. I'm just confused as to why she didn't even mention it to you that she was thinking about going. Perhaps you also should have mentioned that it would be something you'd like to do as well, to have been there for tat. I hope she apologized to you at least. For some people, that's a huge milestone, but perhaps she didn't think it was a huge as you did.

I'm sorry that you missed out on that.

Answer 20

Oh, I'm sorry it bothered you! I did the same thing, and my husband didn't care (or didn't seem to!) I just did it because it had to be done, she seemed in an agreeable mood, and my husband usually hates that kind of stuff. Maybe she thought she was saving you some bother.

Answer 21

For both my children my husband was not there. But I asked him if it was okay before I went. But of course my hubby works away. I understand why you would be mad!! You have every reason to be mad!

Answer 22

Had you spoken about it before? If you had, she was utterly wrong. Ask her how she'd feel if you took him for his first day in school without her. It's a milestone and she is being utterly insensitive. I'm sorry you missed out on it. I missed out on my elder two's first steps so i feel for you!

Answer 23

I am sorry this happened to you. Yes, you have every right to be upset. She should know you well enough to know that this would upset you. There may be more to this than you think...

I have been waiting to take our 15 month old to get his crazy. curly, out-of-control hair cut because my hubby hasn't had a day off in a long time! So, I just wait and keep trying to tame the crazy hair! With our first- we made a big deal out of the first haircut and he sat right on Daddy's lap!

Answer 24

why dont you ask a woman

because i donkey know~!!!!!!!

Answer 25

wow, that sounds crappy.  did you communicate that this was an important thing to you?  it sounds like this is only a small part of a communication problem between you and your wife.  are you spending enough time together?  at any rate, i am sorry you missed this experience and i am sorry your wife doesn't understand why you are upset.  :(

Answer 26

You are very right in what you feel..every dad should have every special moment that they can with their kids because the time goes by so fast. Then when they get older all they want is cash....BUT i wouldnt hold a grudge....

Answer 27

If you had told your wife that you wanted to be there for his first haircut, then yes, you have every right in the world to be upset.  If nothing was ever said about it--if she didn't know about that picture, or if the topic had never come up before--then maybe she thought it was ok to go take care of it while you were at work.  Maybe she just didn't think it would be important to you.  However,  I think she should have asked you if you wanted to go.

Answer 28

are you serious? I can barely get my husband to go out for a walk with me let alone get him to come with me for a haircut. In your situation though, I think you should calm down a bit, there will be alot more haircuts in the near future. the past is done.

Answer 29

Did she know it was that important to you? If you never told her, then dont expect her to know. This is one of those things that men find important, but women may not.