As a PAP adopting through foster care, what are my rights...?

Question

...as far as having contact with biological family of our children? If the caseworker decides that the bio family would not be safe for our kids, would I still have the choice to make contact with them myself? I saw an answer from another member a few days ago that stated that AP's should make sure to contact the first family and make sure that this was done the way it should be. I'm inclined to trust the system, because so many people are involved, and I don't need to rely on JUST the caseworker. But still, it would make me rest easier to know that I have at least the option of making contact with the bio family. And I'm smart enough to make sure that the contact is made in such a way that it won't jeopardize the safety of my children, so that's not a concern.

Thanks!

Answer 1

I was part of the system as a foster parent.  In Canada (I realize it is different in the states) but if they say no contact, then really no contact for safety issues.  I saw more than not, with our universal health care and social programs (not the best in the world but many resources available to parents) that parents are given so so many chances to parent their children.  We have seen natural families get addictions counselling, in home parent support, job and educaiton training, you name it they get it.  It is only the cases where the parents really and truly can't parent that children are even considered for adoption.  Here in Canada we had a huge Scoop of Aboriginal children (called the 60's scoop) and thus child welfare agencies are astute at tring to keep natural family togehter.

So knowing this if my social worker says it is unsafe to have contact, then I belive him/her.

Thaks for asking.

Answer 2

Our children are adopted through foster care.

Once they are adopted it is your choice who you decide to communicate  and associate with.

Even if they are not fit to parent it doesn't mean that all communication must be shut down.

In our experience our children's first parents(3 kids, 1 mom, 3 dads) all have drug and alcohol problems. All of the first fathers have been in and out of jail in the last two years.

Our social workers know that I choose to continue varying levels of communication with their parents and family members but I don't leave it up to them to decide what is best for my family.

My advice to you would be to try to develop a relationship with the parents first.

Talking on the phone or if they have e-mail access.

Sending letters and pictures is a safe way to communicate also.

You can sent them to one of their family members if they do not always have a reliable address.

You can have them send correspondence for you to a P.O. Box or DCYF for you if it is a safety concern for them to know were you live. You may be conserned about your and your childrens saftey or that thing may be stolen when you are not home. I have been told to send older pictures if your concerned and still want to send them but I think that is silly because they still look like them.

Visits can take place in public places like a park or McD's play place. I have had some of them have visits at our house. It depends on your comfort level and the issues surrounding the parents.  

Once your children are adopted you decide whom you would like them to know.

Once you develop a relationship with the biological family you will know what level of contact is best for your family.

Answer 3

Once everything is final you have any rights you want as the parents.

I know several families in Oregon who have made contact with biological family members after the adoption...

If you want to talk with some or find out some of the methods please visit my website--My Co-owner has not only found the biological family for both of her sons (unrealted) but has also found the adoptive families of all of their siblings... She has a wealth of information about finding and setting up contact with family...

In fact this summer all of the Adoptive Parents of the siblings (there are about 20 between both of her sons) are going to Disneyland together along with the Biological Grandparents of many of the children....and some aunts....

After it is final they are your children you decide who to have in their lives.....   :)

Answer 4

Once the adoption is finalized it is your choice. If you want to contact the family, then you have the right just as you would have the right to decide who is in your bio-child's life.

Answer 5

I don't know what the laws are where you are but here, in Canada, once my wife and I adopted we were under no legal obligation to maintain ANY sort of contact with the bio parents.  In fact, they don't even know who we are.  They are free to write letters and send them to the agency to be forwarded on to us (anonymously through the agency) but we don't have to answer them, allow visits, accept or send cards or presents or anything. We are also free to send them a letter, through the agency, stating that we will not accept any more correspondence IF we choose to.  

Now, before people start to slag me.  All I'm saying is that it is your choice what to allow and how you allow it.  Once that child is adopted by you, YOU are the legal parent and YOU have the final say in all areas until that child reaches the age of majority.  Allow what you way by trusting your heart and trusting your head and you will be fine.

Answer 6

It's a tough question . . .you are hte parent responsible for making decisions regarding your child's development and safety.

however, the child welfare agency has had contact with the parents and knows the true situation.  They know the harm that has already been inflicted. Because they are familiar with the history, i would ASSume that they know what's best at that moment.  It's not just a caseworker that has made this decision . . .there's the caseworker who acts as a conduit for the adoptive family, there's the guardian ad litem appointed for the child, there's the foster family that has observed the child, there's the judge that finally terminated rights.  There are many people involved in the system.

Yet, because the system as a whole and in theory is there for the protection of children, it is still run by people.  People who are not infallible.  People who have emotions and feelings and sometimes let them get the best of them at times.  But i believe that, if they go overboard, they do it out of protection.

If you feel the need to have contact with the biofamily despite a no contact order, then I would definitely make it a public place and not divulge any information i.e. child's new last name (unless it's very common such as smith, johnson, etc), school, home, etc.   Observe and see how it goes.  MOVE SLOWLY with those visits.

be careful.  Trust your gut.