As a country we want what is right for our children.....?

Question

So where do we go, from the current adoption/foster care practices to better adoption and foster care practices? How can we improve the system?

Please tell me how the areas you're directly involved in could get better from your eyes for the benefit of the child. If you would be so kind.

Answer 1

I'd like to see ALL agencies focus on what is in the best interest of the child.  

I know that you will get a ton of responses for reform in adoption, but I wanted to just share my thoughts with regards to the foster care portion of the question....

With regards to foster care, and my personal experience with NJ DYFS, I would like to see the "incentive" removed from states for placing children in permanent adoptive homes.  

I truly believe that our children in foster care need the safety and security of a permanent home as quickly as possible, however, I believe that these incentives are causing social workers to "capture" children or terminate parental rights "blindly".  In our case, the bio family chose a private adoption and the state tried to stop that in an effort to put the child into foster care.  That is ridiculous.  

I'd also like to see more programs available for siblings, especially if they are not removed from the bio parents at the same time.  In our son's case, his sister was placed into foster care a year after we brought him home.  We were not contacted by foster care (even though they knew about us).  I feel that our son should have been given the opportunity to live with his bio sibling.  

Just a few thoughts I have regarding the foster care program.

Answer 2

So far from what I have learned I believe all adoptees should be told they were adopted at an age when they are capable of understanding it.From day one of the adoption I think the birth parents should be able to have a "living diary" writings which are kept and upgraded at/by the adoption center or whom ever handled the adoption & that diary should be given to the adoptee when of legal age,so he/she may have a true understanding of their birthparents before they search for them or decide not to. By living diary I mean one that may be added to over the years till the adoptee turns 18 or 21.

Answer 3

The biggest thing I would like to see changed is all this secrecy!  My daughter has a right to know who her natural parents are.  Just because you got pregnant and chose adoption does not mean that you just get to wash your hands of this child forever.  

As an AP, we have a responsibility to turn this child into a productive member of society.   Based on the responses on this board from adoptees, we cannot do that if the first parents run, hide, and refuse contact.  We cannot do that if adoptive kids are obsessing (and rightfully so) over who they really are.  Give us the information already!

Answer 4

Wow - is there even a place to begin?  Maybe that's the problem, every one looks at it and sees the rats nest of a snarl and goes "oh my" and sticks their head back in the sand...  it's certainly what I FEEL like doing every time I think of it.  

Opedial has alot of good ideas - though I'm not sure I agree with her about the "one second chance" for all birth parents.  I stronly believe that mothers who injur children in-utero through drugs or alcohol should be prosecuted for injury to a child.  However, I will admit I may have bias on this one from growing up with two boys who were injurred in that way.  The pain of their strugles compared with what they "could have been" (judged based off the brother who was born almost clean) is sometimes almost too much to bear.  

Still, for the rest of it I think she had good ideas.  

I know in Texas, the first thing that has to happen is we need MORE social workers, better training for them, and much better benefits (pay and vacation) for them.  We need many many MANY more of them so that they can have smaller caseloads so they don't become so overwhelmed that they either quit or become so jaded that they're no longer effective.

I don't know if it's just because I live in Texas, or if it's that Texas just has it so much worse, but the child abuse cases we seem to see so regularly here make my stomach turn.  There was a child who was starved to death by his custodial grandmother (he died on Christmas Eve a few years back), there was a father who put his child in a microwave, there was the mother who killed her toddler last year, hid her under the house, and then killed her infant a few weeks later, hid him under the house as well (in bags, not burried) and then continued to LIVE above them, just this week there was a toddler scalded all over her body by her mothers boyfriend....  it just all keeps adding up.  

What is sad is that all of these cases (except the last one) HAD been reported to CPS, but because of legal restrictions and overloaded case workers, the children were unable to be saved.  

So, you might ask, what is the point of taking these children away, and shoving them into an over crowded foster system where they may fall through the cracks or even into abusive foster homes....  well...  that's where the "smaller caseloads" needs to come into play.  This needs to not be just for CPS workers who investigate bio families, but also for social workers who work with foster children, foster families, biological parents trying for reunification, and adoptive families.  

Right now the case workers are so overloaded that I can't imagine they can make any real bonds with any of the people they work with.  How can you help a mother clean up her act and learn to be responsible if you can barely remember her name?  If they had lower caseloads, then maybe they would really be able to COACH these mothers - and quickly identify which ones were not even remotely interested in being coached.  If they had smaller caseloads, maybe they could visit with the foster children assigned to them more frequently so they would KNOW how the child was doing first hand and quickly be able to identify a bad placement.  Maybe if foster and adoptive parents knew there was going to be someone there to truly hold their hand through the transition, someone who "had their back" in case they had middle of the night emergencies with a child who had experienced previous emotional trauma, maybe they wouldn't be so reluctant to give it a try.  

There are GOOD people in the foster care system.  One of my brothers was placed with such a family.  They were truly wonderful, and stayed like grandparents to him even after he was adopted.  There are also some not-so-good people in the foster system...  we all know about those...  What we have to do is find out how the good ones do it, and what sorts of things would make it better for them and try to build from there.  ....  or at least that's the best idea I have

Answer 5

i'm in real estate..and well if we keep the momentum going with houses being built and sold then the children of today will have a house to live in when they get older.   And if we keep the real estate market alive..there will be more money and land available to build more adoption clinics/foster care clinics..which will provide more jobs for the community which will then feed back into the economy with consumerism...which then will allow ppl to build more and purchase/build greater homes...and the cycle goes on

Answer 6

Many people have posted links to different organizations that are Pro-Reform, but I hesitate because the postersmrefer to "most adoptive, if not all" adoptive parents are Landrover drivin', Prada wearin', Baby Stealn', Womb Poachers, just looking for a "fresh womb" at all costs , just to later kick the bio mom to the curb, and close the adoption (non of which describe me).

Now, I am all for Reform, but I hesitate to support an organiation who hold these beliefs, so I do what I can , when I can on a more personal level. I could give a list, but thats not important.

But if anyone can point me in the direction of an organization in favor of reform without demonizing Aparents, please share.

Everyone involved in adoption (excluding the professionals) could greatly benefit from reform, EVEN ADOPTERS.

Oh I thought you just wanted to know where I was Directly Involved, cause that would be nowhere, but in my home town and church. But I would like to get involved on a higher level if possible, but I'm realy put off, you know what I mean?

But what I would like to see is:

1.) opening records. Although we have an open adoption, I have a sister who did not. We were HIDDEN from eachother out of fear of a reunion, which happened after 15 years of searching and praying she'd get my messages.

2.) TRUELY Un-biased counceling. I wasn't there when his mom did the "birthparent assesment"  but she told me that the pressured her into "Choosing" one of their families instead, because they were financially better off or had NO children at all. It really makes me wonder what they do with women who are unsure about placing.

3.) With agency adoptions the mother car relinquish almost imediately, in most states. With private adoptions they do it after everything has been completed and just before finalizations. For us it was 18 months. I'd like to see longer waiting periods. I think 3 days is unreasonable and I think it gives mothers the impression that it NEEDS to be done RIGHT AT 72 hours. If it was the best and right thing, then what's the hurry (thats assuming the mother is at great rick of harming the baby).

4.) I'm not sure if it should be mandatory, but both of his parents were ther in court to sign relinquishment papers. Not in a hospital or agency. What better place to speak up than infront of the law. Rather than in front of people who arranged the adoption. (this whould have been a Godsend for Allison Quets)

5.) Honoring Open adoption agreements. Even though I don't agree with his first moms lifestyle ( I've been there. Only I was like 16) I think her presents is vital to his mental health. I'm not afraid of her hurting him or taking him.

6.) take the inscentives out of adoption. Weather it be agency or foster. His first mom insisted on going private, because charging a "placement fee" felt just like baby selling. It's rather sick. Why can the people who handle foster care also handle private adoptions? Take the adoption tax credit away to fund it.

7.) I know there is a conflict as to who should pay for medical expences, I don't know what Is right. In our case everything was going to be covered by her insurance (military) there were compications ammounting to $37K. Thats a huge burdon for anyone. Particulary for someone who is in a tough spot in their life. We paid the bills, but I'm not sure how much it weighed on her decision to place. I guess thats were Universal Health Care comes into play.

......I'll be back, I need to eat

Good Question thought

Answer 7

I'd like to see the system improved by removing the secrecy.

No more non identifying info, let it be identifying for the adoptees to know where they came from.

No more changing of birth certificates. By this I mean don't replce the names of where I came from with who adopted me.

Yes I know that this is removing some rights from birth parents, but so be it. I had no say and no choice in being adopted, let me know what, who and where my roots are.

Answer 8

Oh let me be the first!

What I think needs fixing is "too many chances" for birth parents whose children are in foster care.  A two year old girl we had in our care for a year in her life went home and is now back with her parents, who are now back to using drugs.  And they want, even after three years of this child being in care (and only with them for two months) for the parents to have one more chance.

I think we have to:

1.  Have services available to birth parents (again limited to foster care) for addictions and other problems.

2.  Give them a chance to parent, one chance

3.  See if there are family supports (um this would be before children even came into care)

4.  Then adopt the children at a young enough age.   They deserve a permanent home and if mom and dad can't do it, after ample chances, permancy must be explored.

Answer 9

As a country what is right for our children imho, would be to treat adult Adoptees as equals and give them the same basic rights that every other American has. By denying Adoptees access to OBC, it seems to perpetuate the stigma that you aren't quite good enough.

How can we improve the system?  It seems so overwhelming to me.  So it helps to break it down and accomplish one goal at a time.  For the foster care system i could not say it better than Opedial.

For adoption agencies, I think it should be harder to approve Adoptive parents.  Obviously more research should be done into our backgrounds so not just anyone can adopt. I'm finding there are some really bad adoptive and foster parents that make the rest of us look bad.

It should be illegal to coerce Birth/Natural mom into choosing adoption.  The thought of this turns my stomach.

Open adoptions should be signed contracts that are enforceable by law on the Aparents side only.  Imho, as adoptive parents the least we can do is provide our birth/natural family with whatever they need to feel comfortable in placing their child for adoption.  Out of love and respect for our children, it is our job to honor open adoptions and help build a strong foundation of trust between both families.  It is what is best for the child.  I do recognize that not all adoptions are the same but this should be the common goal we all strive for if at all possible.

Hope this helps