As a current or future parent, how would you react if your daughter told you she was pregnant and not married?

Question

Today in the United States, over 40% of children born are born out of wedlock. What this means is that the child is born to a child that has a Mother and a Father that are Not Married. Over half of women who bear children out of wedlock live with their boyfriend.

Source: http://www.usaweekend.com/08_issues/080217/080217by-numbers.html

As a current or future parent, how would you react if your daughter told you that she was pregnant from her current boyfriend and they were not married?

To answer this question, it needs to be answered in one of two ways;

1. As a current parent, how would you react if your daughter told you she got pregnant from her boyfriend and she was not married. You can share a personal experience if you like.

2. As a future parent who has no children yet, how would you react if your unmarried daughter told you that she was pregnant from her boyfriend.

Answer 1

I am a parent, and I would be upset about my child having a baby if she was underage. Wedlock is not an issue for me. I think that people are ignorant for only getting married because they are pregnant.

Answer 2

You say "out of wedlock" or "unmarried" what is so special about marriage these days. People cheat on their spouses. Married couples yell and abuse each other in front of their children and get divorced every day.  CNN had had several stories of young unhappy married dads and moms  that have killed their infants and toddlers. So the real concern is will the expecting young mother and the baby get the love and care they need to have a good life. If my daughter got pregnant, I would be supportive and have her live with me. I would make the changes in my life necessary to support and care for her and my new grand child to best of my ability.

I am in my mid 40's and I am one of those women who lives with her boyfriend for several years. We are not married and we are successfully raising two happy daughters. Patience and compassion, being there for them, being together as a family every day, working to secure their future and make sure they are healthy and happy, etc. That's what is important to us Nobody cares that  daddy and i dont have a piece of paper called a marriage license or share last names.

Answer 3

I had my first baby out of wedlock when I was 16, and had to tell my parents, which was really difficult.  They reacted very well...they automatically wanted to help and make sure that I was ok.  As a parent now, I would definatly want to help my daughter.  I was given love and help when I needed it and even though I wouldn't wish any teenage girl pregnant, I would feel obligated to help and be understanding.  My boyfriend and I got married and had 2 more children, and now we are expecting twins.

Answer 4

It has already happened in our lives. My daughter came to me and told me she was pregnant. Disappointed, yes, but the need to support her took over. Oh, and yes, she's not married. I guess I can say I am lucky to a point because our whole family is supportive of each other, where one can't someone can and it kinda rotates that way. My daughter was 18 then and has a very beautiful son whom is very musical and is very smart, so we are coming together to cultivate that in him. So, as turned out, this was a blessing, and that is how I reacted.

Answer 5

It would depend on my daughters age and situation...if she were 25, a college graduate and had a job I would still be mad cause I prefer for my child to be in a marriage before having a child but I think I would get over it easier knowing that she is old enough and finacially capable of raising this baby....now if she were 16 and in high school, I would be very upset of course but I would not push for an abortion, she would keep the baby and continue with school. Her father and I would help her with the baby so that she could get through college cause I do not want my child or my grandchild's life ruined but I don't think I would be ok with her partying and being in sports and stuff and me taking care of her baby...she would need to go to school and come home to study and care for her baby...and a part time job is optional...thank GOD my daughter is only 2 and I don't have to worry about that for a long while!

Answer 6

I have three kids (17,14 and 11) and we would deal with it. They all have been educated on the matter and know how to get and use birth control. I would not be happy but what is done is done. It cannot be taken back and the baby is coming.

Answer 7

I was 26 years old when I got pregnant. I was far from a teen and far from not being able to take care of the child.

My mom was thrill to bits to find out that I was having a baby, She was excited to be a grandmother. It did help that my boyfriend (at that time - he is now my husband) and my mom really got along nicely.

You seem really concerned about this.  I am really curious as to why you are so stuck on this subject. What's it to you?

Are you not aware that statistics are easy to mislead with? What is the percentage of married people who had kids and then divorced? What is the percentage of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships who have a child and then shortly after the birth get married?

You really need to think about these things.

Answer 8

i would like them to wait till marriage but if it happens it happens there nothing you as a person can do about it

Answer 9

As a future parent, It depends on my daughter's age and the relationship. I truly believe that whether or not a child is born out of wedlock isn't important. What matters is whether they will be well taken care of, loved, and brought up decent. As long as the child will be fine(in all aspects) I see no problem with it.

I'm currently pregnant with my first child but I'm not married. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We plan to get married but see no use in rushing the process simply because I'm pregnant. We're 21 so we're fairly young but it will happen in due time.

With that being said it'll also be very hypocritical to judge my daughter on this basis.

Answer 10

I think most every would be somewhat disappointed.  Ironically, even those that claim they're fine with children born of wedlock, wouldn't want their daughter coming home pregnant and alone.

But at this point, you don't have many options, legally it's all in her hand.  But I would highly suggest she work it out together with her boyfriend so they come to a mutual decision.  In my mind, it takes two to tango, two to work out a nd make a decision and two to raise a child together (if they choose that route).

Answer 11

I am a mother of 6 (soon to be eight) and my second oldest SON (my oldest is a girl) came to be at the end of Januray and confessed to me that him and his girlfriend suspected she was pregnant. After 3 weeks of waiting, we were told that indeed at 18, she was pregnant. Now my son is only 16 and will be entering his senior year of high school in this coming fall. I was saddened and honestly, disappointed when we were told the news. Im not a firm believer in no-s*x-before-marriage but I honestly think that to bring a child into this world, you should have a reliable and loving partner.

I hope and pray that my younger children, daughters AND sons, will wait to have children but if it happens, and they choose to bring him/her into this world, I will be behind them one hundred percent.

Answer 12

As a future parent (28 weeks and 4 days along) I look at it different with every situation.

If my 17 year old senior came home and told me she was pregnant by her boyfriend I would be furious see as she is 17, still in high school, and most likely living at home.  

In my situation, I am 24, graduated from college in a good job.  My boyfriend, whom I have been with for 4 years, has a great job.  We recently purchased a house.  My mother is THRILLED for us 2 be having a baby but does want us 2 get married.  The thing is for us, is we don't see the point of a big wedding.  My dad is gone, his mom is gone, all my family lives very far away, and he only has his dad and sister.  Eventually we will go to the courthouse, but as of now having a child out of wedlock is ok with us.  It's no different then a child being adopted by a g*y or L*****n couple. Even if Matt and I were 2 break up, I know our baby would be very well taken care of and in no way would lose any time with either one of us.  

So all in all, as I continue to blab here, I feel it depends on the situation.

Answer 13

Actually, I very recently read that for the first time in US history, more children are born to unwed mothers than are born to married couples. (53%) I find it alarming and a bit scary.

I also read that 73% (yes, 73%) of black children  are born to unwed mothers, with a very large percentage of them born to teenage mothers. That is even more alarming.

I would be quite suprised if any one of my children decided to become mothers or fathers without marriage. They saw me struggle, after a divorce, for many years as a single parent. I am sure that MOST of these children born to unwed mothers will likely grow up in the same situation........being raised in a single parent household.......which is not the best situation to be raised in.

I would be very disappointed.