As a mother, do you really parent like your mothers parented you?

Question

My mother is a total control freak and has a really hard time being straight with us, choosing to instead use the guilt trip. I know a lot of mothers are like this. I'm somewhat like her, but I'm finishing up counseling now and find myself being less and less like that. I hope to have children in a couple years and I REALLY want to be different, although she wasn't a terrible mother. Do you find yourself doing things that your mothers would've done?

Answer 1

It is really hard. I told myself there was no way I was going to be like my mum (manipulative and moody!) but I find myself doing and saying some things just like her. I am getting better at trying to think before I say something, but in the heat of the moment, it can be really difficult. That said, my mother wasn't that dreadful, and I really miss her (she passed away 10 years ago).

I have got some of her good points too!

Answer 2

I do, yes. I am constantly calling her for advice or to see how she handled the situations I'm going through. She's an amazing woman and I'm so grateful to have her guidence with my baby.

I'm sure I don't do EVERYTHING like her but most of my parenting style is based off what she has taught me.

Answer 3

I'm just like my mother! It's crazy how much we are alike when it comes to raising our kids!  

Answer 4

People tend to naturally parent the way that their parents raised them. If they really want to parent differently from their own parents, however, it is possible to be different. A lot of people just go to the opposite extreme, which isn't a whole lot better, but it isn't always the case.

My grandmother parented VERY differently from the way she was raised. My mom, in turn parented quite differently from my grandmother. I got lucky, and I don't want to parent differently from my mom (she was and is absolutely amazing), which makes things easy.

It sounds to me as if you've already made great strides, and I have no doubts that you will parent in a very different way than the way you were parented. Good luck.

Answer 5

We parent the way we were parented or the exact opposite. We instill the same morals and values that we are raised with but our methods of enforcement can be very different. For the most part I think we use our better judgement when raising kids and when we are at a loss about what to do we usually revert back to what our parents would have done.

Answer 6

Are you my sister? It sure sounds like we have the same mom. My mom used to yell for every little thing. Sometimes I think she is Bi-Polar. She is a complete control freak that is never wrong (She thinks she is never wrong anyways). If we were in the kitchen washing dishes and we were laughing about something she would yell at us and tell us to shut up and get back to work. There is NO WAY IN H#LL that I am going to treat my son like that. I LOVE hearing him laugh, and if he makes a mistake or spills something I don't sit there and scream at him and tell him he is bad. So, to answer your question, I am NOTHING like my mom.

Answer 7

My mother was depressed my whole life.  I raised my self and four younger siblings.  So no I absolutely do not raise my kids like my mom raised me.

Answer 8

Mostly I take the good and bad things my parents did and learn from them.  I change what they did bad with my child and use what they did good.

Answer 9

yes, sometimes but it has more to do with character traits and personality, then "copying" up-bringing strategies.  it's possible that you'll have characteristics in your personality which you "inherited" from your mother. you might realise that some characteristics will exhibit themselves when you try to discipline your own kids etc..but i don't feel like i'm like mum. for example, mum was the kind of mother who's go head-start complaining about a decision i might take, even on a choice of a hand-bag. i'm not like that at all. but i do try to help my son in his decisions. the trait of interfering is there...but i do it differently. i hope that i'm clear enough, but it is a bit hard to explain this.