As a mother would you ever abandon your children?

Question

My bf's mum left him and his sister when he was 3 and she was 1. He doesnt know why she left and his dad doesnt talk about her. His step mum is a ***** and also related to his real mum (but he doesnt know how she is related) And she always uses their real mum against them in arguments and things.

My question is as a mother could you leave your children and never contact them again? And if so do you ever think what effect it had on your child?

I personally cant understand why someone would leave their children unless they had absoluntly no other choice but i was jw what you thought about it.

Answer 1

Personally no I could never have left my children. However, there are circumstances where some women have had little choice. I know of someone who actually left her husband and took her kids too. She had no proper place to stay so he bullied her into returning them to him saying social services would see him as the more suitable as he still had the family home, a relative to help with childcare and good money coming in. To begin with he gave her regular access but gradually poisoned their minds to their mum as he was so bitter.

If your kids refuse to come and see you or get upset every time maybe you just can't bear the pain you're causing.

Answer 2

i would never leave my children i love them way too much to do that, my ex did that to my daughter and me nor my new husband understands how a human being could just walk out of a childs life and never look back its awful.

Answer 3

i am a mother of 8 my first husband was a wife beater and a control freek it took me 21 years to leave but ALL my kids went with me i would rather die than leave them

Answer 4

No, I never would.

But look at all the "fathers" who do exactly that.  It's just as shameful for men to do it as it is for women.

Answer 5

no...no matter how awful a day I've had, I wouldn't abandon them.  sometimes I think that I might like to...but it's just after a stressful day.  I could never actually go through with it.

Answer 6

no i could never leave my children. they are a part of me, i wouldnt be whole without them. ive never been able to understand women who do it.

Answer 7

i had a mum who was the same as your bf's.

I am now a mother of 2 boys, and can't EVER imagine leaving them..i dont know how mothers can!

Answer 8

Never! Maybe his mum had postpartum depression or was bipolar? I would have to assume there was some mental illness of some sort being the contributing factor.

Answer 9

i would never but my step daughter's mom did that with her and is trying to get rid of the boy now. I guess with a new hubby and kids they dont fit in her perfect life. Some people are straight scum.

Answer 10

I could never leave my son. I love him too much. It is possible that she left due to a drug problem, imprisonment, or another lover. These are all reasons that you put yourself before your child.

Answer 11

Firstly,I would never abandon my children.As for the woman in question,there can be many reasons relating to why people do this(be it a man or woman) sometimes its stress/untreated depression(or pnd),other times its guilt,and often its just because they're weak and cannot take the responsibility that comes with being a parent. It really is upsetting hearing of such things,as the abandoner does not realise/care about the negative impact this has on the children. I guess its important that you be there for this guy(which i'm sure you're already doing) He needs you at this time more than any other.Perhaps,however,due to this incident,hewill be a better/great parent in the future.all the best,regarde'

Answer 12

No, Never!

Answer 13

Sorry things went badly for your bf & his sister.  I hope that they both look for the good in their childhoods & use it to build strong, empathetic lives for themselves.

My stepdaughter's mother has stepped out of her daughter's life, in order to avoid having to deal with my husband (her ex).  And, that might be understandable if he was violent, abusive, so very harmful that she had to save herself.  But, even then, I don't think I'd leave my child behind, ever...  And, well, he isn't violent, abusive, controlling, etc.  He simply refuses to walk out of his daughter's life, as his ex wants him to do.  

I don't know how she does it, but I'm guessing that there are a lifetime of experiences in her past that lead her to this decision.  

How's my stepdaughter dealing with it all?  She's doing OK.  Clearly it would be better if she had both of her parents working together in her life.  She & I have a strong relationship and I can fill in, to a point, but I will never be that unique person who is her mother.  And, after years of dealing with her mother hating her father, my stepdaughter has built walls in her life as a coping mechanism.  She does not let us in there, to see how she's doing.  But, on this side of the wall, she's awesome!

Answer 14

I'm with Zaza - how could anyone, man or woman, abandon a child?  Not as a mother, but as a parent, I would NEVER pick up and leave my son.

Answer 15

Never.

Answer 16

NO

Answer 17

Men do it everyday! Is it different if the parent is a man or a women? Hardly not!

As a PARENT I would NEVER leave my children and never contact them again! I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

Answer 18

NO WAY! My daughter is my life. I cannot understand how any mother can do that.

As a mother it is our job to protect and nurture our children and not abandon them when the going gets tough

I suffered post natal depression after my daughter was born and found it difficult to cope but I could never have left her.

I made sure that I got support from my partner(her daddy), our families and health visitor to overcome it.

Answer 19

NEVER.

Hope your bf moves out when he can and move on with his life.

He has had a hard time, but he can make his own future so much better than his past.

Answer 20

No.  But it happens.  My mother abandoned me and my sister when I was 1 and she was 3.  I was also raised by a very evil stepmother. We only saw our mother one more time when I was 12.  My aunt contacted me in 2003 to tell me that she committed suicide due to cancer and guilt.  Shame.  I don't blame her.  Obviously she didn't feel competent to raise children.

Answer 21

my mom left when I was 3 and my brother was 1 and half. I met her when I was 17 and realised that I was better off withour her. It was hard to figure out how I felt when I finally contacted her and found out she lived down the road for almost 5 years. My dad always told me to stay away but curiostity got the better of me. I never realised how mad I was at her until I got to know her and watched her abandon her second set of children. Its strange cause it makes me mad but then again I figure that I can't miss what I never had; I realised I can live without her. Her reasons for leaving are that she is selfish and like the crack more than her children; its part of the addiction...blah blah blah

Anyways I have two of my own now and I would never leave them. Come h**l or high water I would keep this family together because I know now the effects it has when you leave your child behind. I could not imagine ever being without Jasper and Mya. But hey, live and learn is what I think is the piont here and I plan to break this family curse and always cherish my children for the treasures they are.

Answer 22

Never in a million years, I love them too much

My ex doesn't see my son and my husband just doesn't understand him at all, he says he cant be human to be able to walk away from your own flesh and blood

Answer 23

I'm a man, but I have to say I could never do that. My children mean far too much to me and I would not be able to live with myself if I did something like that.

My son was born when I was seventeen and two weeks later, my girlfriend at the time - his Mother - left us. It was hard for me and it took everything I had to become a good Dad. I was a selfish, immature heroin addict and had no experience with children whatsoever. It took me years to become fully clean and I fought depression and schizophrenia, whilst trying to earn enough money to get a stable life for my son. It definitely affects the child, only having one parent. The worst part is not being able to have a decent reason for it, knowing that the child will have no reason except for the fact their parent was too selfish to stick around. My son is now three and knows about his real Mum, I didn't see why I should hide it from him. I told him that his 'real' Mummy didn't feel like she loved us both enough and didn't want to be with us, but that his Mum and Dad now love him more than anything. He loves my fiance and she's a great Mother figure to him, she's been in his life since he was about three months so he remembers her always being there. It makes no difference to me and my fiance that she isn't his birth Mother, because she was the one who took the responsibility and she's the one he calls Mum now. I will always tell him about his birth Mother, but also make sure he knows what she is like. I won't stop him from seeing her but hopefully when he knows that she is a selfish woman on drugs and an alcoholic, he won't need to see her. I wouldn't let her be a part of his life now, even if she wanted to be.

I share your views that I cannot imagine how someone can leave their own children and especially how they can live with themselves afterwards. It can have a lot of effect on children, especially if they don't have another parent figure in their lives in place of that person who they like. If the other parent never talks about the parent who walked away, it leaves the child asking questions. It can make them feel unloved and lonely because their parent walked out on them and they don't know why. Often, they blame themselves and other problems can come out of that. I think the best way is to talk about them, that way they can't let their imagination make up an excuse for why their parent left and they won't be in for disappointment if they wish to meet up with them later in life.

Answer 24

No I could never leave my daughter under any circumstances.  If I didn't have her in my life, i would feel that it wasn't worth living.  I had problems with my own mum, she didn't leave, but she was abusive and regularly threw me out from the age of 12 til I left for good at 15.  I'm now 22 and married with a 10 month old baby girl and couldn't be happier.  The lack of relationship with my mum makes me sad in a way, but especially with having my own child now, I just cannot understand people that leave their children.  Especially when you hear stories in the newspapers about mums who left their kids to go live with someone they met on the internet or something.  Selfish and disgusting!

Answer 25

no way

My daughter's father did that and I can't understand it but I am glad in a way he did because it just shows me he would have been a horroble father anyway.

Answer 26

no matter what i would never leave my children!

Answer 27

If I ever left them, it would mean that I died... That's the only way.

Answer 28

h**l NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when u do this, the kids don't have a womanly and motherly figure in their lives. This is especially bad 4 the girl. When they grow up, this can cause them 2 do bad things, like get into drugs, flunk school, get into the s*x industry, ect., ALL b/c their parent(s) left them.