As a parent, what would you do here?

Question

My 14 year old has summer school for math. She could fail the year or go to summer school. Here is the problem.

-It cost $250 and is a month long. If she fails summer school she fails the year,

-The school that she needs to go to is over an hour away and with gas as high as it is......

-My wife and I feel that by her failing the year is a wake up call to her that she needs to take school more seriously.

-We were really looking forward to a nice summer get away, but now we can't if she goes to summer school.

So what would you guys do, send her to summer school or hold her back a year?

Answer 1

I would send her to summer school, it her education you are talking about and if you can afford a family get away, then you should be able to afford her to go to summer school.  I wouldn't hold her back at all.  Going to school in the summer is a way to teach her she needs to work harder.  Besides, it would look horrible on her school records if she stayed back a year.  Don't you want her to succeed and go to college so she can better her life.  Holding her back would be the easy way out.  You would be showing her that failing isn't a big deal and that a summer get away is more important than going to school.  If summer school is only for a month, plan your vacation after it.

Answer 2

I disagree with many writers that think your daughter doesn't deserve a family vacation.  Reason?  Family vacations are bonding times, not to mention the learning experience from going different places.  Besides, you would be punishing the whole family for her failing by not going on that trip.

I can't believe she fails the whole year just because of one class.  I failed quite a few classes in high school but I was never made to repeat a whole grade.  Would have been much better for me if I had, but that's all water under the bridge now.

Also:  my manager's daughter, always an A+ student, screwed up royally in her last year of high school, failed the year and had to stay back to repeat it while her friends went on to university.  She still hasn't pulled up her socks and no one knows why the huge change.

Sounds like the summer school options are pretty dismal in your area.  I wouldn't go that route.

Answer 3

i would put her through summer school and whey you guys want to go away for your summer vacation, maybe she will have to stay home with another fam member or a friend and that will be one of her consequences for failing the year too.

Answer 4

i would not be able to hold my child back because of laziness or stupid mistake or whatever the reason was. i would make her earn the money to pay for the gas and the cost of the school by mowing lawns, babysitting, etc. and have nice long chats about the importance of school and responsibility during the drives. no radio

Answer 5

DO NOT hold her back a year , it will ruin her school life her friends will make fun of her not just them every one will , you might think your doing her a favour and it wont effect her but it WILL . You can always have a vacation but education should come first and not just that do you think she'll be able to land a succesfull career having being held back it wont!

Answer 6

summer school try to tell her how education is important now days and how it helps in ur future and for the vacation i think u should wait

Answer 7

I think you should consider if your daughter actually tried. If she slacked on purpose it would be reasonable to teach her a lesson.

I would consider this-Tell her if she wants to go to summer school she has to earn it. Have her babysit for neighbors and family, do household chores and just about anything within reason for a 14 year old girl. If she actually has to work for it she is more likely to take it seriously and get her work done.She could need a little extra help from you as well.

Your child's education is more important than a getaway. Just make sure she does all she can. Don't put her out there by herself, she needs your support 100%!!!

Answer 8

Would she just be repeating her math level? If so let her do it. Kids need to catch on and sometimes it takes more than one year and lots of training. I'm in college now but I wish that I would have repeated some years in math because it's so hard.

Answer 9

I am mom to 4 kids who are now 29, 26, 23, and 10.  I would say if she is 14 that she needs to make her choice.  She should be given the 2 options 1)You take summer school for math or 2)You don't take summer school and repeat the grade.  In addition to being a mom, I also have a degree in eduction.  Having had 3 kids who went through the teen years in conjunction with my education background, I think that holding her back may seem like giving her a wake up call, but it may very well back-fire and make her discouraged causing her to no longer care about school, especially when her friends are all in the grade above her.  There is a very large stigma for kids held back at this stage of their education.  She is liable to face an even more difficult year if held back.  Because of the cost of the school in addition to the cost of the gas, I suggest that you give her some of the financial responsibility.  If she does not have her own small job such as babysitting or lawn care, then I would make her take on some form of job to help pay for the added costs.  Perhaps cleaning house for an elderly neighbor, walking dogs, washing cars, etc.  If your area of residence doesn't lend itself well to this type of work for her, then she needs to do work around the house.  Perhaps mowing the lawn takes $10 off the bill while washing windows will get her $2 per window off the bill.  I am sure your summer vacation is more than a month long so your entire summer won't be taken up by summer school.  Still take a summer vacation, but arrange it for when summer school is over.  While she is in summer school, I would make it a bit of hardship for her.  Until she has gone to her class, finished her homework and studied daily (with you checking the homework) then she is not allowed to see or talk to her friends or go anywhere plus no computer or TV priviledges until her first priority is accomplished to your satisfaction.  Remember what it was like when you were 14, too, it helps to be a bit compassionate.  If she accomplishes a task and does it well, be sure she gets an appropriate amount of praise and is allowed to do something fun.  Don't discount that math may simply be a hard subject for her.  I say it's best to send her to summer school and let her move up with her peers.  Next year, be diligent from the first day of school by contacting each of her teachers (especially math) to let them know you are wanting to be kept updated on her progress so any problems can be spotted and worked on immediately and not left until it is too late.  Teachers at the secondary level often have 100's of students to teach daily and it is impossible to contact every parent with every case of bad grades.  At 14 your daughter needs to take some of the responsibilty herself and you have to initiate contact with the teachers.

Answer 10

I'd hold her back, she seems immature and the extra year could probably do her some good.

Answer 11

I was in the same situation at the beginning of the 2nd semester. My son is also 14. I imformed him that if he chose not to apply himself, do the homework, turn it in and study for tests the result would be summer school for 6 wks. I also informed him that if he didn't want to go to summer school, he would have to repeat the 8th grade while his friends moved on to high school. He made the right choice, he has finished the year with a B+ in math! Kids need to have consequences for their choices, good or bad. I would make her go to summer school, if she chooses not to apply herself and pass summer school then make sure she realizes that the consequence is repeating the 8th grade. Make her work to earn the money to repay for the class and gas. As for vacation, if she does really well and really tries and passes the class this summer I would allow her to join the family on vacation. Otherwise, I would tell her that she has to stay behind with a family member that will follow through with whatever "grounding" or punishment you feel is appropriate. If you let her stay with a friend, then it will be like a vacation to her while you are away. It is called "tough love". I explained to my child that nothing comes before his education. He needs to complete his homework as soon as he gets home from school and be sure it is ready to be turned in when due, etc. You need to set ground rules for her school work and make her responsible for following them. You shouldn't have to check up on her to be sure she is following through, it should be her decision and responsibilty. At their age we need to learn to "let go" a bit and let them learn from their mistakes. Can you tell we are seeing a family counselor? It really helps put things in perspective, as long as you find one that you all like and feel at ease talking to. I hope this helped! Good Luck!

Answer 12

Personally, I wouldn't hold her back.  I'd send her to the summer school.  If it's an hr away, they should provide the transportation.  Loosing out on her summer is a big enough wake up call.  It's not fair that she'll have to watch all her friends progress.  Could have a negative impact on her self esteem, plus she'll get made fun of.  Good luck!

Answer 13

dont PAY for summer school ..thats insane. All youre paying for is college students getting credits for a summer teaching job ..they suck and it ruins the summer ..nobody learns anything. Ask your child is it means alot not to be held back do it for her ..if not save your money

Answer 14

summer school. she has to pass. it won't look good on her if she fails and stays back.

okay well, have you asked her what she wants to do??

Answer 15

get her a private tutor

Answer 16

Keep her back the year, especially if she was struggling in more than one class. This will help her get a foundation in her classes again and she will do better, and if she was slacking off it'll teach her a lesson.

Answer 17

have you looked into doing school by mail, i had to do that, the school gave me all the info cause i was not able to be there every day and i got my credit and passed that grade. tell your daughter that in order for her to go to this summer school she need to get some sort of part time job to help with gas. good luck.

Answer 18

i would make her go but if she failed then i would charge her for the gas by making her get a job

Answer 19

If the school year was hard, and she struggled, then she needs to be held back. Right now she is learning the foundation of the rest of her education. As she gets older it will get harder, and some times you need to take things twice in order to fully learn. I would rather hold her back a year and have her re-learn everything to make sure she knows it, then let her go to the next grade knowing she will be behind every one else and contiune to struggle.  Who knows, maybe the second time she will get a better set of teachers, learn a lot more and be ready to excel the following year.

Answer 20

i agree with you 100%

Answer 21

Your summer vacation, or your child's education? What is more important? Make her pay you back for the cost of the course and some gas money.

Answer 22

well there is an alternate there are on-line courses that most schools will allow if u pay a significantly cheaper price like 50$ and you can download it on your home PC so you can still take the trip and she wont have to be behind in her classes but it is harder not a having a physical teacher there at all times

Answer 23

Well my one question is how did her math get so out of hand she is failing? I check in with teachers and that my kids are doing their homework and turning it in. Also is she failing due to lack of participation or because she cannot understand how to do it, there is a big difference. Algebra was a killer for me and my teacher could have cared less. Had it not been for my uncle who spent hours on end working with me I would have never gotten through it.

And bottom line is if the choice is financially your daughters math class or a vacation, I would choose the school. It will stink but you could go on a weekend trip instead. It is crucial she get through this or continue to struggle in math. I really don't think holding her back is a good idea, especially if it is only in one subject. And ask yourself if you really did everything you could to help her through out the school year. Parent involvement is key for kids in school regardless of age.

Answer 24

Perhaps she could mow lawns etc for the rest of the summer to pay her own way (and/ or catch a bus) if she wants to go badly enough.

In the UK we don't have this problem; it's impossible to "fail"  a year like that. If it were, there are some I've taught would still be in the Infants at 17.

Answer 25

Wow, holding her back would be a big deal.  All her friends would move on and she would be one grade back.  Was this a one time s***w up or does she tend to do things like this alot?  I guess it just depends on whther you want to "teach her a lesson".

Is there no way you could make her pay you back?  Could you plan a getaway later on in the summer?  Is there no form of public transporation for her to get there?

And lastly, have you asked her which she would rather do?

Answer 26

I would make her pay for summer school and gas and make her repeat the school year.  She shouldn't be going on a getaway anyways if she's failing school!  Could she stay with relatives while the rest of your family goes?  No staying with friends during that time, she is in trouble.  She's probably a smart girl just not applying herself, if she does this when she's an adult she will not get anywhere.  You might want to look at putting her in Karate or some sport where she will learn discipline.

Answer 27

My personal feeling is, why should she be treated to a family vacation if she's failing? I understand you'll be "punishing" the rest of the family for her mistakes, but that will be a lesson for her as well. Other people suffer because she didn't apply herself. There are likely less-expensive things you can do for a family get-away once she's finished summer school.

Answer 28

Well because I'm broke and the price of gas is so high, I'd just hold her back a year.  Not being with her friends in the future and having to make new ones will hopefully work and she'll get the picture and try a bit harder is school.  Ask her what she thinks.  If she's not going to apply herself in summer school then there's no point in wasting the money and time.

Answer 29

Send her to summer school... make sure she knows the concenquences if she does not pass.

If next year rolls around and she has to go to summer school again, then I woudl think about letting her flunk.  

Just make sure that she's not just goofing off.. make sure there isnt a real learning problem going on here.