As a parent of an adopted child how do you feel about..?

Question

The birth mothers contact with the child you are/have raised? What bothers you the most if any thing?Thank you.

Answer 1

it all depends on the situation...in my case I don't want the birth mother to have anything to do with my kids! She lost custody of them because her drugs were more important to her than her children! So if you ask me that pretty much means she has zero right to think she has right to try to stay in contact with them.

Answer 2

in our situation an open adoption works great.  my daughter will always have the opprotunity to have contact with her other mother.  we felt is was important to raise her so she would always know who she looked like and where she came from.  also any questions surrounding her birth she may have when she's older she can ask the person that will have the answers.  

we felt it important for her to know her whole story.  not one that we just assumed or she just only know us.  as her aparents we are not her only mother and father.

but depending on the situation.  i do feel there are some circumstances where contact with the bio family may be harmful to the child.  in our situation is was the right choice for our daughter.

Answer 3

Its a gift to have contact with our birth families.  We treasure this relationship.  Our girls faces light up when they hear from or see pictures of their birth familes.  Its an important bond to maintain for the well being of your child.

I'll be praying that your adoptive family gets over any insecurities that might have and welcome you into your child's life.  Having a relationship between a child and his bio family is such a sweet blessing.  Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

from what i understand about your question it's good that the birth mother is still in contact with her child it won't bother me unless birth mom wants her legal rights again after putting the child up for adoption then that would be a problem

Answer 5

i'm all for it.  it's natural and normal.  they aren't there to re-steal the child.  let your child have some peace through her real parents.

Answer 6

I have 4 adopted children and I don't have a

problem with their ultimately speaking to

each birth parent when the time comes and

if they choose to.

I'm grateful that the birth parents chose to

have each child and allow my husband and

me to adopt. It had to be a difficult decision for

them to put their child up for adoption. Our

lives are enriched because of their altruism.

I would definitely support this relationship,

if it were to be.

Answer 7

My fiance' was adopted and feels like his real mother didn't want him. Now that his adopted mother has passed the (ad) father has turned into a jerk. He treats his son like dog poo. So, I think that it would be a good thing for the real parent to have contact w/ the child. My fiance' feels like nobody really loves him and has a lot of self esteem issues b/c of this. At least he would know where he came from and why he was given up if he knew or had contact with the real parent. WARNING: If you adopt a child make sure your will includes that child. Otherwise the person that you love could leave the child out after your gone. His mother thought his father would do the right thing. She inherited everything from her parents and thought if she left it all to her husband that he would in turn pass it on to their adopted son. Instead he remarried within a year and is now leaving it all to his gold digger wife. She seems sweet but has caused a lot of trouble between him and his son. One parent of an adopted child usually loves and wants the child more than the other. I will support my fiance' whether he loses it all in the end or not. He needs someone in his life thats not going to walk out on him!!!!!

Answer 8

Our adoption was unusual because it was between family members. We obviously still have contact and send pictures and updates. She voluntarily relinquished her parental rights when she was several months old.

Our daughters mom has chosen to keep some distance because of her two other children....she believes the contact could be harmful and confusing. While not agreeing we have respected her wishes. We have left contact open in the event she changed her mind. Recently her oldest child who is 13 and lives with her father contacted us so she could see her sister.

I told her I have no problem but please talk you mom because I do not want cause trouble between the two. I actually think it would be quite wonderful for my dd now seven.

The father is a different story......he is a convicted rapist and registered s*x offender. He was labeled as a predator and at high risk for repeat assault and violence against woman.

So that is just a safety issue. He also voluntarily relinquished his parental rights.

I think your wife should seek out her child. There is no reason not to! I hope the adoptive parents do not hinder this....I pray she is sucessful!!!!

Our daughter has been provided for in our will.....she will get everything....and when is all said and done she get's us too a matching set of bookends. ~~laughing

Answer 9

Since my daughter was abandoned at age 3 and is now almost 16, I can't imagine this scenario would actually occur.

It certainly is not threatening to us, but I do wonder what it would do to our daughter - if we ever have any warning of the possibility of this happening, we'll all get some counseling first to prepare: her as well as us.

Answer 10

I have been searching for my children's birthmothers for five years, now. We have not found them.

Answer 11

Nothing bothers me about the relationship my daughter has with her bio mom since birth. First and foremost my daughter has always  known where she came from and who she looks like.

ETA: Our situation has allowed open adoption to work for us. I do understand that not all adoption circumstances are like ours and in some cases contact may not be in the best interest of the child.

Answer 12

In our situation, it would be somewhat frightening for me because of the situation surrounding his birth and the reason the child was ultimately not allowed to live with the birth parents.  That being said, we had agreed to an open adoption in the beginning, but our son's bio parents chose to not keep that agreement.  We have a wonderful open relationship with his grandparents and we are blessed to have them as such an important part of our family.

I think (other than safety issues for my son) the thing that would bother me most about either of my son's bio parents showing up now would be not wanting someone who comes & goes in my son's life, especially at this age when he still does not fully understand the situation.