As a parent of two teenage boys how can I learn to be less protective when they try and date? Boys ages 16 14.

Question

I am a worrier and like to know who they are with, how the parents are and where they will be at all times. My sons think I am too overprotective? What can I do to make them feel less annoyed, yet continue to ease my insecurities and worries as a parent. I would like it if we could compromise.

Answer 1

I personally think those ages are a bit young for dating.  they are not very emotionally mature and are usually only looking for a way to "hook-up".  I would have them wait a while longer but if that is already to late (you can not go back to easy)  I would set distinct standards and they would have to follow them or lose there privilage to date for a time.  i would also have them tell you about the dates and make it kind of fun.

Answer 2

I would sit down and agree on some ground rules.  Like you have to know who they will be with, and where they plan on being and when they have to be home.  In the beginning, you can maybe set up a thing where they have to call you when they are done with their movie (for example) before they go and do the next thing they planned.  Talk to them about how to treat a girl, and what you expect from them.  They should hear this from both parents.  You can't be calling them every second either, because they'll never learn to be out on their own.  Set the rules, expectations then let them go.  Keep yourself busy while they're gone so you don't go insane!

Answer 3

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have them call you every couple of hours, give them a 9:00 or 10:00 curfew on weeknights (probably 9), and a 12:00 curfew on friday and saturday.  This is what everyone else's parents are doing, and that's not too late to stay out. But you just have to show if they are even five minutes late, they get privileges taken away.  You have to start out trusting them, even though it's hard.  If you never show that you trust them, they won't see a reason to be good, because you won't trust them either way.  Give them positive reinforcement.

Also, this may sound a bit overboard, but I would buy them condoms.  They're old enough to be having s*x now, and if they want to, they'll find a way.  Abstinence only s*x education does not work.  Even if you just buy a box of them, open it up, and stick it in their bathroom drawer, and have a talk with them about waiting, but if they decide to do it, at least use protection.  I have a friend who got pregnant because their parents would not buy them condoms,  and they just had s*x anyway.  Don't let it happen to your kids.  

Also, check with your cell phone provider, but you can usually get their location via GPS built into their cell phone, enter that into google earth or google maps, and figure out their exact location.  that would be a good way to let them know that you can find out where they are at all times, without calling them all the time or bothering them.  and don't abuse that ability, but if something ever seems suspicious, just remind them that you have that capability.  call your cell phone provider or stop into their store to talk to them more about it.

remember to show trust.  I had a very overprotective mom, and I was stupid and chose to rebel by doing everything that she didn't want me to do.  Not to say that your kids would be so dumb, but if you are too overprotective, they'll be more prone to rebel, especially once they go to college and go from nearly zero freedom to complete freedom.  they won't know how to handle it.

good luck!

Answer 4

Well first off-give them freedom and options but @ the same time set your standards. For example-let them tell you about their relationships but remember...you still make the rules.

Answer 5

Well, at least you have two teenage boys, this would be even more challenging if you had two teenage daughters. Cell phones are great for this, these days there is no reason for them to say there was no way to call in and check in...put the responsibility on them, whether they're dating or just going out with friends. Give them a phone and give them an extra battery so they can't play the my phone died card. Tell them to call every two hours, that's not asking too much, they can step into the restroom and call, just don't drill them with a million questions when they do call, be happy they called. Also if they are somewhere where they claim they don't have a signal, call bullsh!t, if that's true, it's probably somewhere they shouldn't be.

Finally the best protection is giving them knowledge, this will go miles, teach them to be men.

Answer 6

who cares! they are boys.

Answer 7

First of all, unless your boys have done something bad or illegal, give them the benefit of your trust!

Also, make sure they're educated in s*x protection, safe driving, ect.

If they have a cellphone or can borrow yours, let them. Have them call you when they reach their destination and when they're on their way home.

Let them know that if anything happens, good or bad, that they can call you without a worry and they won't get in trouble.

I would suggest a curfew of midnight for the 16 year old and 10:30pm for the 14 year old.

Good luck!